SELL YOURSELF

TEAMFLY
How To
Sell
Yourself
Winning Techniques
for Selling Yourself...Your
Ideas...Your Message
Arch Lustberg
Franklin Lakes, NJ
Copyright ©2002 by Arch Lustberg
All rights reserved under the Pan-American and International Copyright
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form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,
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Press.
How To Sell Yourself
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Lustberg, Arch.
How to sell yourself : winning techniques for selling yourself—your
ideas—your message / by Arch Lustberg.
p.cm.
Includes index.
ISBN 1-56414-585-9 (pbk.)
1. Interpersonal communication. 2. Success. I. Title.
BF637.C45 .L877 2002
153.6—dc21 2001054395
Dedication
For Hunter, Liam, and Jackson.
Acknowledgments
This book would not be a reality without the help of three of
the key women in my life: Marguerite Savard, who runs my business;
Susan Paynter Hasankulizade, who edits my quarterly newsletter;
and my wife, Jean Anne, whose five published novels were
part of my literary training.
And I mustn’t forget Robert Patrick O’Connor, the editor
who made all of Jean Anne’s and all of my books happen.

Introduction ........................................................................................7
Chapter 1:
Selling Yourself ................................................................................15
Chapter 2:
Selling Your Competence ...............................................................25
Chapter 3:
Selling Your Likability ....................................................................37
Chapter 4:
Selling With Confidence .................................................................55
Chapter 5:
Selling With the Right Signals ........................................................65
Chapter 6:
Selling Yourself As a Speaker ........................................................77
Chapter 7:
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews ..........93
Chapter 8:
Selling Yourself in the Classroom ...............................................125
Chapter 9:
Selling Your Product .....................................................................131
Chapter 10:
Selling Yourself in the Job Interview ..........................................137
Chapter 11:
Selling Yourself When Testifying ................................................149
Contents
Chapter 12:
Selling Yourself in Meetings ........................................................157
Chapter 13:
Selling Yourself in Negotiations ..................................................173
Chapter 14:
The “Selling Yourself” Handbook ..............................................179
Appendix .........................................................................................189
Index ................................................................................................199
About the Author ...........................................................................205
Introduction 7
Introduction
C 7 c
COMMUNICATION IS THE transfer of information from one mind to
another mind, or to a group of other minds. It can be in the form
of an idea, a fact, an image, an emotion, or a story. It can be
written, spoken, drawn, danced, sung, or mimed.
Whatever the medium, if the message doesn’t reach the other
person, there’s no communication, or there’s miscommunication.
The simple premise of this book is that every time you open
your mouth, in order for communication to happen, you have to
sell yourself. If you don’t sell yourself, communication is nearly
impossible. If you do, your message will get across.
We think of selling as being product-oriented. But that’s only
one aspect of selling. In the case of product sales, the governing
factors are usually the salesperson and the price. Even when there’s
a slight price difference, we rarely buy any big-ticket item from
someone we really dislike.
Ideas aren’t much different. The only time we pay close attention
to an idea being communicated by someone we don’t like is
when we have a heavy personal or emotional investment in the
subject.
I grew up in prehistoric times when ice was delivered by a man
in a wagon. Frigidaire was the generic name for electric and gas
“ice boxes” because it was the only one. There was no television.
Think of it...no television! Phone calls were made by calling an
operator. Most public transportation cost a nickel. So did a Coke.
Underage smart-alec kids could buy “loosies,” single cigarettes at
8 How to Sell Yourself
a penny apiece. What there was of an upper middle class could
buy a new car for $500. That was big bucks then. That was the
time when the voice was the critical communication tool. Radio
was the mass-communication medium. The political candidate
boomed his message from the rear observation car of the train.
Then, without warning, the industrial revolution evolved into the
technological revolution.
Today, everyone around us seems to be carrying a personal
palm-sized telephone. The laptop computer is almost a required
piece of carry-on luggage. The beeper makes civilized conversation
nearly impossible. It seems that nothing is out of technological
reach.
But somehow, there has never been anything to replace the
handshake, the hug, and the “hello.” Face-to-face communication
is still, and is likely always to be, irreplaceable. Whether it’s oneon-
one or one with a group, the personal touch is a powerhouse.
The keyboard will never be a complete substitute for the human
face, body, and voice. Yes, the machine can take us into new
adventures, but if it ever actually replaces our interpersonal relationships,
we will have become machines ourselves. Robots. Mechanical
replicas of human beings.
The child in school won’t become a better person because
there’s a computer at every desk in the classroom. Loving, caring,
giving, sharing parents, teachers, and administrators will always
produce a better-quality next generation. A mouse will never replace
a mom. Not even a Disney mouse.
There was a time when I believed that teleconferencing would
put airlines and hotels out of business. I’d have bet money on it. I
wasn’t thinking straight. In fact, not even the horrendous September
11, 2001 disaster could stop people from wanting to “work the
crowd” at meetings, conventions, seminars, and retreats. I’m more
convinced than ever that it’s even more important that we do some
essential things together. In the same room. At the same time.
Networking in the form of personal contact will never go out of
style.
Many companies that decided to save money by selling to old
customers via phone, fax, and modem soon realized that their
sales and bottom lines were getting killed by the competitor who
kept the sales force in the field calling on the client. Whether it
Introduction 9
takes place in the office, over a meal, on the golf course, or at a
gathering, “hands on” is the final arbiter in a lot of situations. And
don’t forget, candidates for public office are still pounding the
pavement, knocking on doors, and pressing the flesh. No question
about it: Television commercials are still considered the key to
getting elected, but the candidates have never stopped going doorto-
door, to the factory gate, the bus or subway stop, the diner,
and every place else people congregate.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not bad-mouthing technology. It’s
certainly taking the world by storm, and it has only just begun.
As the early pioneers of the automobile couldn’t conceive of
jet travel in the air, we’re ignorant of what’s ahead 20 years from
now. Ideas that took thousands of years to become reality are
achievable in seconds.
The danger is that, as we become more sophisticated at the
keyboard, we’re becoming almost helpless communicating by
mouth.
I’m not unaware of the success of shop-at-home programs,
interactive television, and those jobs that eliminate the chore of
commuting and allow people to work out of their own homes. But
pretty soon all of us feel a need to make contact with another real
live adult human being. Companionship is an idea that will never
go out of style.
That brings me to the substance of this book. The more dependent
we become on the new age of technology, the higher the
speed limit goes on the information superhighway, the more bytes
it takes to digest a feast of facts, figures, and statistics, the more
pressing will be our need to speak well.
After all, every time you open your mouth to speak you’re
doing the equivalent of selling yourself, whether the communication
is:
• Exchanging a greeting.
• Talking on the phone.
• Chatting with family, friends, colleagues, strangers, or
clients.
• Speaking up at a meeting.
• Delivering a presentation.
• Interviewing for a job.
10 How to Sell Yourself
• Running as a candidate for election.
• Testifying before a legislative or regulatory body or a
jury.
• Teaching.
• Preaching.
• Negotiating.
That’s what selling yourself is all about. It’s getting your message
across, sending the right signals that you’re saying what you
mean and that you mean what you say. Understanding you should
take no special effort on the part of the person you’re talking to.
Today, it seems as though everything is conspiring to make us
do the wrong things. When I opened my business years ago, my
first call was from the Yellow Pages. The representative told me I
was entitled to a free listing. I asked what my options were and got
six or seven categories. I picked the one I thought was perfect. I
chose “Communications Consultant.” Today, I’m getting calls to
fix fax machines. Technology has taken over and replaced the real
person.
It’s become frustrating to call a company that depends on customers
for business. This is what we’re hearing more often than
not:
“This call may be recorded to ensure quality.
Please listen carefully as our menu has changed.
If you are calling to...press 1.
For information about...press 2.
If you want to report a...press 3.
If you know your party’s extension, press it now.
For other reasons not covered, please stay on the line.
All our operators are currently serving other customers.
Your call is important to us, so please stay on the line.”
...Two minutes later...
“Your call is important. Please stay on the line. A representative
will be with you shortly.”
This is progress?
This is communication?
TEAMFLY
Introduction 11
The keyboard, monitor, e-mail, fax, modem, and recording
are in. The voice is out. So when we do communicate by mouth, it
often comes out exactly like “small talk.”
• “Hi.”
• “How ya doin’?”
• “Nice to see you.”
• “What’s new.”
• “I saw Joe yesterday.”
• “Right.”
• “Uh huh.”
It all sounds like the typical greeting on an elevator first thing
in the morning. I call it “the non-greeting greeting.”
The lack of animation that has snuck into “small talk” now
dominates the world of spoken communication. And our role
models offer little or no help. Pay attention to the way the politician
or the CEO delivers a speech. The way the correspondent
reads the news on television. The way the “expert” analyzes in the
public forum. Or worst of all, the way the movie star delivers
lines. If you pay attention, you’ll notice how little color, enthusiasm,
or vividness are communicated. It all sounds exactly like
“small talk.” A keyboard kind of dullness has taken over the whole
world of communication. It’s not unusual that when a TV reporter
says, “Three thousand people are missing in the flood,” the words
come out exactly as though they were, “I had a rotten cup of coffee
on my way to work.” Monotony reigns supreme.
A presidential radio address is a big snore.
The weatherperson speed-reads copy and may as well be reciting
the phone book.
I’ve been at more than one meeting and heard corporate CEOs
say, “We’re delighted with the results this year,” and it came out
exactly as if they’d said, “I’m having a serious digestive problem
this morning.”
So why are we bothering to speak? What are we trying to say
and why can’t we say it right? How can we get our audience to pay
attention and take away the message we’re trying to deliver? After
all, if we can’t do it right, why bother?
To answer these questions let’s go back to the first sentence of
this book, to my definition of communication. “Communication is
12 How to Sell Yourself
the transfer of information from one mind to another mind, or to
a group of other minds.” In this age of high-tech healthcare, I call
communication an information transplant. The communicator’s
job is to perform information surgery on the listener. The same
holds true for all the other communication forms I mentioned:
written, spoken, drawn, physical (such as movement, gesture,
dance, and sign language). If you have nothing to communicate,
don’t. The trick is to make the message immediately understood.
The written word and the spoken word take on multiple duties.
The meaning must be clear instantaneously. The feeling must be
clear. The sub-text has to be clear. One advantage the written
word has over the spoken word is that the eye can go back over
what the mind didn’t understand. When you’re distracted by a
hair on the page, you can reread. When you come across an unfamiliar
word, you can look it up. More often than not, the spoken
word gets only one chance. No one interrupts the State of the
Union address and shouts, “Would you repeat that?” or, “What
do you mean by that?” The same is true of most speeches.
These days good written communication is as hard to come by
as good spoken communication. Many of the principles in this
book that cover speech will also work for writing. But not all great
writing lends itself to being spoken. Lincoln’s opening words at
Gettysburg (“Fourscore and seven years ago...”) wouldn’t work
for today’s audience. By the time we figured out he meant 87 years,
he’d be into “...shall not perish from the earth.” I question whether
any speech other than a presidential inaugural could have gotten
away with, “Ask not what your country can do for you.”
To repeat, communication is about instant understanding. It’s
about the audience, your listeners, going away with the message
you intended for them.
Too many speechwriters are writing for posterity. They hope
to create great literature. They either don’t know or have forgotten
that the speech should be written for the speaker’s style and
for the audience’s ear.
The spoken word is what this book is about, and it can be
very tricky. You can have the best message in the world, but if
you don’t present that message the way you intended it, you’re
probably communicating the wrong message. I remember my
father’s way of praising my mother’s cooking. Somewhere mid-meal
Introduction 13
he’d look up without expression, nod, and say in a true monotone,
“’s all right.” Anyone who didn’t know him would have assumed
he was about to throw up. Had he been forced to write his
opinion on paper, he’d probably have written, “I really enjoyed
the meal.” On the page it’s hard to misread that sentence, but
spoken without enthusiasm, without inflection, without animation,
it can sound like just the opposite.
Everything you do sends a signal to the audience. The way you
look at me, the way you use your hands, the way you stand or sit,
the inflection in your voice, all cause me to reach certain conclusions
about you. This book is about the signals you send, how you
send them, and how your listener receives them.
14 How to Sell Yourself
Selling Yourself 15
1
Selling Yourself
C 15 c
THERE ARE THREE things we all need to sell ourselves:
• Competence.
• Likability.
• Luck.
The first two will almost always deliver the third. But having
competence and likability isn’t enough. Most of us already have
them. What’s needed, and what this book will emphasize, is the
audience’s perception that you’re competent and likable. It isn’t
about faking it, or fooling the audience. The con man and professional
liar already know how to do it. They’re the ones who helped
the stand-up comic create the line “Sincerity: once you learn how
to fake it, you’ve got it made.” Real people like you and me need
to learn some basic techniques that will let us be our real selves in
the presentation situation.
And therein lies the root of the problem: being ourselves.
In 1977, there was a best-seller called The Book of Lists. In it,
there was a category titled “The Fourteen Worst Human Fears.”
Number one? “Speaking before a group.” “Death” was six.
Fear
Lack of familiarity with the formal speaking situation, discomfort,
and the thought, “They’re all looking at me and I’m going
to make a fool of myself,” all conspire to cause us to take on a
16 How to Sell Yourself
strange persona, to try to look and act professional. In a sense we
become actors. Bad actors, but actors.
Get real
We make the very common mistake of feeling that an audience
needs to see the strong, competent, mature professional, forgetting
that that’s what we really are. So we make the foolish decision
to try to impress the audience, when the true reason for the
communication is to express ourselves to them. Again, we’re so
eager to look like something we think we’re supposed to look like
that we change out of our real selves into a caricature. We become
cartoon creatures.
There was a wonderful and defining moment I happened on
one night watching a television news program. The reporter was
inside police headquarters. The shot showed the reporter in the
foreground speaking to the camera. Two officers were seated in
the background. They were chatting behind the reporter, unaware
that they were in the shot and that the tape was rolling. Their
faces were animated. They were gesturing naturally. Suddenly they
realized they were in the TV picture. That was it. They wiped
their faces clean of all expression, put on a posed “mask” and
stared straight ahead, necks taut, jaws tight, not having any idea
of what to do next.
In an instant they went from being real people to mannequins.
They couldn’t believe that the audience should see them
as anything but serious police officers. They put on an act. They
simply didn’t know how to be natural, to be themselves.
It’s almost exactly what most of us do when we’re getting
ready for a picture-taking session. We chat. We converse. We
have a pleasant time talking to the people around us until suddenly
the photographer says, “Look over here. Hold it!” Almost
everyone immediately stiffens up. After all, this is for posterity.
We have to look good. So we change. We simply don’t know
how to stay relaxed and comfortable. We don’t know how to be
ourselves.
The president of the Indianapolis Chamber of Commerce wrote
the following letter to me:
Selling Yourself 17
Dear Arch,
Recently I was on a panel reviewing a program application.
The speaker gave an oral presentation then sat
and answered questions. It was as if two people were
making the presentation!
The first was stiff, short of breath, pacing the floor...and
had a “closed face.” The second was relaxed, used hand
gestures, had a very “open face,” and cleared up much of
what was missed by the “first person.”
Later, I asked if the speaker was familiar with your
work. The answer was yes, and I could see the light bulb
go on overhead! The lesson worked, and I was pleased I
could share again how much more effective we can be
when we follow your lead.
—John S. Myrland
Relax
What’s important is learning to appear natural in the unnatural
speaking situation. When you learn and understand what you
do in animated conversation, you can convert that into the platform
delivery. Unfortunately, we have very few really good role
models. Most of the speakers we see and hear today are doing
what they’ve seen other bad presenters do and then they imitate
them. “I have to look professional in order to impress the audience,”
we think. Wrong. Most of the people running for public
office, most of the so-called “experts” and analysts we see on television,
most teachers, most speakers we watch at meetings, and
certainly most of the people we watch on televised hearings, do a
better job of putting us to sleep than Sominex or Nytol.
You don’t have to be like them.
You shouldn’t try to be like them.
This is about being yourself—you at your best.
Be yourself
You may not like the idea, but you might as well face the fact that
style is, and always has been, at least as importance as substance,
18 How to Sell Yourself
that likability is more important than competence. Teachers need
to learn this. Preachers need to learn this. Trial lawyers and their
witnesses need to learn this. Ordinary people in every walk of life
need to learn this. You and I need to learn this to be successful.
Be your likable self
If I perceive you to be competent, you are competent as far as
I’m concerned. If I perceive you to be likable, you are. It’s that
simple.
Go back to the 1996 election. Bill Clinton wasn’t scoring high
on trustworthiness, but Bob Dole didn’t display a single iota of
likability. He needed an intravenous feeding of charisma. Consequently,
Clinton was elected. He really didn’t win—Dole lost. Sure,
Dole got votes, but they were the votes of Orthodox Republicans
and people who despised Clinton.
The same principle was true in the two elections before that.
Bill Clinton didn’t win—George Bush lost.
Bush didn’t win in 1988—Michael Dukakis lost.
Ronald Reagan won twice. Why? A vast majority of non-committed
voters liked him. It’s true and it’s simple: We elect the
person we like more, or dislike less.
Why the 2000 election was a draw
Neither candidate had a greater likability factor than the other.
If George W. Bush had made his speeches and debate presentations
the way he talked to the folks in the assisted-living facilities
or the kids in 5th grade classrooms, he’d have won hands
down. If Al Gore had delivered his presentations the way he presented
his concession speech, he’d be president.
The private versus the public image
Just about everyone I’ve ever trained who has been “up close
and personal” with any one of the recent presidential candidates
insisted that they were great one-on-one or in small social groups
of friends and supporters.
I heard it about Bob Dole.
Selling Yourself 19
I heard it about George Bush, father and son.
I heard it about Al Gore.
Each of those men apparently had no trouble being warm and
enjoyable to be with. They were even accused by those who knew
them of having wonderful senses of humor. But the rest of us
never saw those traits. They simply didn’t know how to be themselves
in situations they felt required them to appear “presidential”
rather than friendly.
Reagan mastered the art of being himself and that let us perceive
him as likable. Some people considered him to be “acting.”
That’s nonsense. He was having a great time being governor of
California and then president of the United States. He didn’t have
to act. He always seemed relaxed, comfortable, in control, and
confident. He was so likable that he made mincemeat out of two
opponents with far higher IQs than his. Higher IQs yes, but not
smart enough to know that if your message isn’t delivered well,
people won’t care about you, won’t pay attention to your message.
Ironically, had I proposed coaching to Dole, Gore, Bradley,
or George W. Bush, I’m certain he’d have fought me off saying,
“Look, you’re not going to make an actor out of me. The person
you see campaigning is the real me.” That’s more nonsense. They
never talked to the public the way they talked to a spouse, family,
a close friend, or a pet.
I shared a barber with George Bush. His name was Milton
Pitts and he cut Nixon’s hair, Ford’s, Reagan’s, and Bush’s. He
often talked about hairstyles for television appearances during
training programs I participated in at the U.S. Chamber of Commerce.
Milt watched business leaders and association executives
improve dramatically as communicators.
One day when I was in his chair he said to me, “Arch, George
Bush is the nicest person I’ve ever met. He’s got a great sense of
humor. He’s caring. If he trusts you he’ll do anything in the world
for you. Can you help him?”
I told Milt I felt I could help anyone who wanted to improve as
a communicator. He said, “You write him a letter and give it to me
with a copy of your books and the next time he’s in my chair I’ll
hand them to him.” Now if you’d like a definition of networking,
that’s it!
20 How to Sell Yourself
I wrote to the vice president, saying that Milt told me he was
warm, witty, and wonderful, but unfortunately for him, I’d never
seen that George Bush. I urged him to get professional training so
that the public would see him the way Barbara, the grandkids, and
Millie, the granddog, saw him.
Here’s the letter I got back.
Dear Mr. Lustberg,
Milt gave me that very nice letter from you dated March
10th. I read it carefully and I also looked over the booklets.
Heaven knows I could learn a lot from you. The
problem is I am now working with a couple of other professionals
in the field. I know that there is plenty of room
for improvement in my speech making. That you were
interested enough to offer to help really counts with me.
Most Sincerely and Gratefully,
George Bush
The right versus the wrong direction
I was really pleased to hear that he was getting help. But I
watched. And I watched. And I never saw any sign of improvement.
I’m convinced his coaches said, “Look, you’re fighting the
wimp factor. Take the gloves off,” and worked on the wrong things.
The reality of his warmth and caring never replaced the perception
that he was angry, uptight, and uncomfortable communicating
with the public.
My point was demonstrated perfectly on the Friday night after
the 1996 election. Bob Dole, the defeated candidate, appeared
on the Letterman show. He took off what I call his “Leadership,”
or “Presidential Mask,” and said these magic words with a warm
glow he’d never displayed in his entire political career, “Now I
can go back to being myself.”
Exactly! Where was the real you during the campaign, Bob?
Why did you refuse to let us see the “real” you? He never realized
that the “act” he’d been putting on for us was the main reason he
lost the election. He’d have given anything to win the presidency.
He’d waited all his life for the chance. But he never learned how
to show us the real Bob Dole, the one Elizabeth saw.
TEAMFLY
Selling Yourself 21
I’m convinced that if he’d had as much fun running for president
as he had selling Viagra, he’d have run for reelection in 2000.
Incidentally, Bob Dole named his dog Leader. Bill Clinton’s dog
was Buddy. That speaks volumes. As I said, his opponent was
untrustworthy, but Dole was unlikable. One more time: Likability
wins.
The power of perception
Obviously, I’m talking about the power of perception. Some
years ago you were watching an entertainment show on television.
The show cut away to a commercial. Then a 10-second promo
came on for the late news. Then back to another commercial. The
news teaser you saw was a close-up of the anchor person saying,
“Superstar Michael Jackson is under investigation today by the
Los Angeles Police for sexually molesting a 13-year-old boy...at
10.”
So at 10 p.m. we turned on the news and it opened exactly the
same way: The anchor, looking stern, severe, and sincere said the
same words, “Superstar Michael Jackson is under investigation
today for sexually molesting a 13-year-old boy.” Then the picture
cut away. The anchor was gone but we heard the same voice saying,
“sleeping with.. .fondling...touching the private parts of....” It
was a whole laundry list of suggestive sex words. And do you remember
what they showed you? There, on the screen, bigger than
life, was Michael Jackson doing the “Moonwalk,” tugging at his
crotch and massaging his privates as he strutted back and forth
across the stage. Guilty!
After that you saw the same video footage over and over again.
It was repeated as often as the Rodney King beating, the O.J.
Bronco chase, and Bill Clinton hugging Monica Lewinsky. Sure,
it’s overkill, but it helps reinforce a specific perception. And that
perception may not be reality.
So, if I perceive you to be incompetent, you’re incompetent.
At least, that’s what you are to me. If I perceive you to be unlikable,
you are. The fact that you’re really competent and likable
doesn’t mean a thing. Unfortunately, very few people have learned
the secrets of communicating competence and likability.
22 How to Sell Yourself
Communicating competence and likability
Selling yourself is just that. It’s the ability to let the audience—
the person or people you’re talking to—see you as competent and
likable. Again, if they don’t like you and find you less than competent,
you haven’t got a chance. If they see you as competent and
likable, your message gets across.
When the candidate you don’t like and don’t consider capable
tells you he’ll cut your taxes and give you more and better services,
you think he’s either a liar or an ass. When the same pledge
comes from the candidate you really like, who impresses you as
knowledgeable, you’re ready to elect him emperor, new clothes or
otherwise.
We can learn a lot from watching our politicians.
Issues and ideas are meaningless to an audience until and unless
they’re presented in a likable, believable way. My hope is that
someday we’ll have two likable candidates running for the same
office. Only then will we be able to cut through the garbage and
get the message they want us to hear.
How the public views you
One more concept I should emphasize here: There are three
points of view possible in any audience.
• They can agree with you.
• They can disagree with you.
• They can be undecided.
Your job as a communicator is to reach out and win the undecided.
When the political candidate understands this fact, winning is
easier. When the trial lawyer gets it, the case is presented with a
better chance to convince the jury. When the salesman becomes
aware of it, the sale has a better chance of closure.
Aim for the undecided
Don’t waste your time with the people on your side. They’re
already yours. I’m not telling you to ignore them. I’m just saying
Selling Yourself 23
you’re wasting your time concentrating on them. They’re already
committed unless you blunder badly. You’re preaching to the choir.
Forget about trying to convince the people on the other side.
You’re not likely to make a convert with a good presentation.
They’re already convinced that you’re wrong, or a crackpot, or
worse.
The only people who matter are the folks who haven’t made
up their minds. The undecided. And how do you win them? By
presenting yourself as a competent and likable person.
24 How to Sell Yourself
Selling Your Competence 25
2
Selling Your Competence
C 25 c
THERE ARE FOUR communication tools available to each of us.
They are:
• Your mind.
• Your face.
• Your body.
• Your voice.
I’m going to oversimplify matters by calling the way you use
your mind the audience’s determination of your competence; and
your face, body, and voice your “likability.” We can call your mind
your “substance.” Your face, body, and voice your “style.” Or we
can refer to your mind as “what you say,” and the other three as
“how you say it.”
I realize that it’s an oversimplification. There are large areas
of overlap, but it really helps me simplify and synthesize my points
for you.
Your competence
Let’s start with the audience’s perception of your competence.
Your competence is reflected in the way you use your mind. It’s
how you organize your thoughts. It’s how you use that great personal
computer called your brain and how you get it to bring the
right message up on its screen. Too often the screen tells you
“bad command.” By that time it’s too late.
26 How to Sell Yourself
What can you do?
You need to help the audience realize that you’re a competent,
capable person.
Prepare
Very few people are wonderful when they’re winging it. Some
are naturals, but most are not. It usually takes a lot of hard work
to appear spontaneous. Mark Twain wrote, “It usually takes me
three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.” The old vaudeville
rule is, “It takes a lot of hard work to appear to be ad-libbing.”
Your strengths
Never forget that you know more than anyone else about certain
things. You grew up in a particular family, attended specific
schools and churches, had certain friends and influences on your
life, and had your own jobs.
You are unique. Use this to your advantage.
Only you can put it all together in your particular way. But do
it with care. Even the most sophisticated computer needs an instant—
a split second—to respond. So the most important step in
responding to a question or an accusation is to let your preparation
work for you and the way to do that is to pause.
The audible pause
The pause is the key to the fine art of thinking on your feet.
We don’t like to pause. We think, “If I take too long to reply,
they’re going to think I’m stupid.”
This is why the pause has become unnatural. We either plunge
ahead from thought to thought, stopping only long enough to suck
in a sufficient supply of air to spit out the next fact (the way the
weather person on TV does), or we fill our pauses with competence-
defeating sounds. “I...uh...think...uh...we should...uh...act on
the...uh...assumption...uh...that we’re all...uh...uh...adults.”
By the time that sentence is finished, you not only question
the competence of the speaker, but you wish you were somewhere
else.
Selling Your Competence 27
Our role models are no help either. People who’ve reached
high positions deluge us with “...uh...um...er.” It’s not unusual to
be settling in on an airplane and suddenly hear over the loudspeaker,
“Uh...folks...uh...this is your...uh...captain...uh...speaking.
We’re...uh...currently climbing through...uh...12,000 feet...uh...up
to our...uh...cruising altitude of...uh...33,000...uh...(and by now
you’re ready to scream, “Feet, Captain, feet!”). You just hope the
pilot isn’t as tentative at the controls.
Don’t imitate bad examples
It happened a long time ago, but it’s worth bringing back here.
It was July 31, 1987. My assistant called and said, “Turn your tape
recorder on. Secretary of defense, Casper Weinberger, is stumbling
through congressional testimony.” The subject was continuing
aid to the Contras.
Here’s what the tape played back:
I think it’s even more vital now that...uh...all of
this...uh...uh...all of these...uh...uh...attempts or whatever
it were that were made...uh...to...uh...assist in...uh...
uh...uh...non...uh...uh...mmmuh...straightforward
and...uh...and...uh...means that are provided for in our
regular statutory...uh...uh...framework—that none of that
distract us from the basic importance and...and...essential
correctness of the...uh...of the requirement of...
of...supporting the...uh...the...uh...democratic resistance in
Nicaragua.
Try to figure out that statement. I dare you.
Even professionals can blunder
You may not have noticed it, but even television reporters fall
into the trap. They’re used to reading from TelePrompTers as
their scripts roll between their eyes and the camera lens. But on
those occasions where breaking news forces them to “wing it,”
notice how flustered they become. It’s not unusual to hear,
“The...uh...fire is...uh...reported to...uh...have broken out
at...uh...just after...uh...midnight.”
28 How to Sell Yourself
They ought to know better, but!
The athlete, the jock, has given us two words that never existed
before 16-zillion-dollar salaries for mediocre shortstops: “ya
know.” There isn’t a sportscast that doesn’t have: “Ya know,
George, ya know, we went out on strike, ya know, because the
owners, ya know, they were, ya know, unreasonable, ya know.”
I know.
Soon after she was elected to the U.S. Senate, Hillary Clinton
held a news conference. Asked about her husband’s presidential
pardons, she said “you know” 19 times, three times in one sentence.
There were also plenty of “uhs.”
On CNN, reporting the “breaking news,”anchor Lou Waters
said, “She...uh...demonstrated complete...uh...control and...uh...cool
throughout the...uh...presentation.”
Beware of useless catch words and phrases
Teenagers have given us “like,” “and so,” “know what I mean?”
and “okay?”
Most of us overuse “I think,” “I believe,” “as a matter of fact,”
“to be perfectly honest,” “frankly,” “if I may say so,” and “as it
were.”
This is pure garbage.
Many wise men of the past have said the same thing in different
ways. Euripides wrote, “Second thoughts are ever wiser.”
Dionysius the Elder said, “Let thy speech be better than silence,
or be silent.” Pericles is quoted: “The man who can think and
does not know how to express what he thinks is at the level of him
who cannot think.”
Make the pause work for you
Use the silent pause and really think on your feet.
We’ve developed a disease that I call intellectual dysentery.
Sounds keep pouring out of our mouths uncontrollably. When
the people who do it hold a position of responsibility, we have no
choice but to question their competence. And the worst scenario
is when the audience knows the next word before the speaker is
able to...uh...get it...uh...uh...out.
Selling Your Competence 29
Become aware
It’s not enough to know about the “audible pause.” You need
to become aware of it as you do it. My suggestion is that you ask
someone you trust, like, and are comfortable with to send you a
small signal each time you do it in conversation—something such
as a small, inconspicuous head nod.
After you’ve seen the signal a couple of times, you’ll start to
hear yourself as you do it. And until you become aware of it, you
won’t be able to control it. Now, as you hear it...uh...(there, I
heard that), you’ll be able to control it the next time, and pretty
soon, it’s gone 50 percent of the time. No one minds an occasional
intrusive sound. It’s only when it happens during almost every
pause that it becomes a competence defeater.
Step one in protecting competence is to pause silently.
Step two is to maintain steady, warm, nonintimidating eye contact.
It’s as important a demonstrator of competence as the silent
pause. And it’s just as unnatural.
Eye contact
This is a terribly misunderstood concept because we all interpret
it to mean eye to eye, and that’s often a mistake.
All our lives we remember being told, “look ’em in the eye.”
But many people find that very uncomfortable and stressful, especially
at close range. Eye-to-eye contact is often a challenge, an
invitation to compete, a contest to see who blinks first. In fact, it’s
such an uncomfortable encounter for some people that they think
better when looking “away” from the person they’re talking to.
Certainly, if looking into someone else’s eyes for an extended
time doesn’t bother you, then eye to eye is fine.
Where to look
In a television interview a few years before he died, James
Stewart credited Marlene Dietrich with teaching him where to
look. She told him that when two people looked into each other’s
eyes, they kept shifting from one eye to the other eye. The result:
They looked “shifty-eyed.” And, of course, in a close camera shot,
the movement was magnified.
30 How to Sell Yourself
Still worse, when two people are staring into each other’s eyes,
their concentration is easily broken as they get into the staring
match. Miss Dietrich also suggested to Mr. Stewart that most actors
tend to break up in unexplainable laughter when the contact
is eye to eye. She recommended a place in the center of the head:
the brow, the nose, or the mouth.
Sir Laurence Olivier often yelled at actors working with him,
“Stop looking in my eyes.” It broke his concentration.
Select your own spot
I like to look at the mouth. I’m a lip reader. I believe I hear
you better if I watch you form your words. So I’ll look at your
mouth unless you’re missing two front teeth. In that case, I’ll switch
to your brow, unless there’s an enormous zit up there. Then I’ll
move to your nose, unless there’s a strange object dangling from
one of your nostrils.
What I’m suggesting is that if eye-to-eye contact is stressful
or intimidating or uncomfortable for you, find a place on the face
of the person you’re talking to and stay there. The important point
to remember here is that people you’re talking to are unaware
that you’re not looking them in the eye. Eye contact means to
look at someone. It doesn’t mean to make someone uncomfortable
by “staring ’em down.”
Avoid bad role models
Again, we’re victims of our role models in this matter.
Very few people find it comfortable to maintain steady eye
contact.
So we glance down. Maybe the floor will help us think.
Or we look up. “Please, Lord, help me out of this situation.”
Or we look side-to-side. “I am not a crook.”
Notice the way attorneys are portrayed in scenes by actors
who’ve researched courtroom behavior. The actor paces and
prances before the jury, arms gesticulating, voice filled with fire
and brimstone, eyes glued to the floor in front of him as he paces,
looking for all the world like the attorney was trained in law school
to hunt for roaches.
TEAMFLY
Selling Your Competence 31
I’m sure you’ve been at a reception and the person you’re
talking to glances away regularly. It may not be his intention, but
it looks as though he’s checking to see if someone more important
has come into the room.
Practice with a friend
Try the following exercise with a friend.
• Introduce yourself looking away as your friend looks at you.
• Now look at your friend.
• Have your friend look away as you introduce yourself.
• Now look at each other as you introduce yourself.
• Now reverse roles with your friend as introducer in the
three scenarios.
It’s a perfect example. When eye contact is called for and not
used, no communication is possible. In fact, it’s almost laughable.
Without the combination of silence and eye contact in the
pause, you’re inflicting major damage on yourself. An audience
will find it very hard, if not impossible, to perceive you as a competent
person.
Preparation
You’re also going to be judged on the basis of what you say, on
your information. Here again, this is about preparation, not about
what to say. That’s your strong suit. You know your subject.
This is about how to put it together and how to say it.
How to say it
My focus is on how to say it. It would be presumptuous of
outsiders to tell you what to say.
That being said, there are a few thoughts worth mentioning
here. You really don’t need me to tell you that most speakers take
far too long to say what they have to say. I’m sure you’re aware of
that already.
Even in conversation, it isn’t unusual for people to say too
much. Most speeches, presentations, and meetings go on beyond
human endurance.
32 How to Sell Yourself
Lou Cook, former president of the Alexandria, Virginia, school
board uses this adage: “Sometimes the mind can absorb only what
the seat can endure.”
First
Start by telling them what they want to know.
I’m not saying tell them what they want to hear.
That’s the classic mistake of the political consultant who guides
elected officials with gimmickry and poll numbers.
Second
If there’s still interest, add what you feel they need to know.
Third
When you’re finished, stop.
•••
That is the hardest job of all for the professional windbag.
And nobody likes a windbag. Not even another windbag.
What they want to know
This is the information you can share with them that affects
them personally.
The key question to ask yourself is, “What does this have to
do with their lives?” In other words,“How is this information relevant
to the people in my audience?”
If you relate your message to their family, their pocketbook,
their job security, their social security, healthcare and other benefits,
their children’s and grandchildren’s well-being, you can sell
them on your ideas. They’re hooked.
Your material can be presented factually, anecdotally, or pictorially,
but it has to involve the audience by way of the story you
tell and the presentation of that story.
People I train are constantly telling me, “But Arch, my material
is dull.” I have news for them and for you: There’s no such
thing as dull material. Only dull presenters.
Early in the first Clinton administration, the big issue was
healthcare. The president and first lady started off brilliantly. They
were terrific with statements such as, “If your mother is in a nursSelling
Your Competence 33
ing home, it’s probably costing you upwards of $3,500 a month to
keep her there. When you run out of money, your mother runs
out of care. That’s not fair!”
Or, “A woman in Detroit just had her dialysis machine removed
from her home. She can’t afford the payments. That means
you and I have sentenced that woman to die!”
There were lots of other truthful, dramatic stories that really
got us to pay attention. They were selling their plan.
More than they want to know
Then they made the mistake of trying to explain all the minute
details of a healthcare plan that looked like a book the size of the
federal budget or an IRS tax code.
We simply lost interest.
And while this was putting us into a coma with anesthetics
such as, “Forty percent of the population of the six largest cities
will only qualify for 8 percent of the reimbursed funds in 16 percent
of the for-profit healthcare institutions providing equivalent
quality of patient care...zzzzzzzzz,” on came Harry and Louise in
TV commercials sponsored by anti-Clinton health care forces.
Harry: Louise, if their rotten healthcare scheme goes through, you
won’t be able to see Dr. Gordon!
Louise: I won’t???
Harry: No. They’re going to force you to see some other doctor,
one they pick for you.
Louise: But I’ve been with Dr. Gordon for 15 years.
Harry: Well, they’re not going to let you see him.
Louise: But he already knows everything about my condition.
Harry: That doesn’t matter to them. They want to be big brother.
They think they know better what’s good for you.
Louise: How can they do that?
Harry: It’s a big, bureaucratic boondoggle. It’s a lousy healthcare
scheme and we have to fight for our rights. The little guy
just doesn’t count any more.
Each side began with what we wanted to know, but one side
got long-winded, droned on and on and dropped the ball. It was
no contest.
34 How to Sell Yourself
What they need to know
The perfect example of this concept was the prosecution’s
case presenting the DNA evidence in the O.J. Simpson criminal
trial. I believe the prosecutors spent more than two weeks on DNA
matters. It seemed interminable.
When the trial began, most Americans had no idea what the
letters “DNA” stood for. In fact, we still don’t know what the
letters spell out. As the trial progressed, the presentation of the
DNA evidence was endless.
The jury’s eyes glazed over.
The testimony became meaningless.
There was simply nothing to hold on to.
Then, of course, the defense took advantage of the impossibly
dull DNA testimony of experts and called on lots more of them to
take the jurors off life supports.
Short, quick, and to the point
What about this approach:
A chart depicting three distinct DNA symbols marked “A,”
“B,” and “C” is placed in the front of the courtroom.
Prosecutor: Dr. Brooks, are you considered an expert on DNA
evidence?
Doctor: Yes.
P: Is there a simple way to describe what DNA is?
D: It’s like a genetic identification bracelet.
P: Doctor, is it accepted as accurate identification in criminal
trials and accepted as admissible evidence?
D: It has been in trials I’ve participated in as a witness.
P: Doctor, looking at the chart here, is figure “A” the defendant’s
DNA symbol?
D: Yes.
P: Is “B” the symbol of the murdered woman?
D: Yes.
P: Is “C” the symbol identifying the murdered man?
D: Yes.
P: Doctor, is it likely that a DNA symbol of anyone in this room
would exactly match any of these three?
Selling Your Competence 35
D: No.
P: Is it likely that the DNA symbol of anyone in this country would
match exactly with any of these three?
D: No.
P: Doctor, would you call the DNA as accurate an identification
as a handwriting sample?
D: More accurate.
P: And, Doctor, would you call it as accurate an identification as
a fingerprint?
D: More accurate.
P: Doctor, if I told you there were samples of this DNA (points to
“A”) on the body of the murdered woman, on the body of the
murdered man, on the defendant’s clothing, on his driveway, in
his Bronco, and inside his house, would you say that we have
the equivalent of an eyewitness to two murders?
D: Yes.
P: No further questions.
•••
What they need to know
That’s all the jury needed to know.
Yes, the defense will object.
They’ll cross-examine.
They’ll put their own DNA expert witnesses on the stand.
I’m not saying that this line of questioning would have changed
the outcome of the trial, but it would have been more effective
than two weeks of agonizing detail and would have made it harder
for the jury to acquit.
The jury needed to know the DNA evidence. It was the critical
part of the trial. But the prosecution made the mistake of thinking
those 12 people needed to know lots more than they really did.
DNA evidence became overkill, which reinforces this final point:
When you’re finished, stop.
36 How to Sell Yourself
Selling Your Likability 37
3
Selling Your Likability
C 37 c
YOU GIVE YOUR audience four choices.
• They can like you.
• They can dislike you.
• They can be neutral to you and not care one way or the
other.
• They can feel sorry for you.
The goal
Your one goal as a communicator is to get them to like you. If
the uncommitted people in your audience like you, chances are
they’ll pay attention and get your message. If they don’t like you,
they’ll probably consider you pushy, or incompetent, or misguided,
or bombastic, or phony. If they’re neutral to you, they’ll think
they’d be better off spending their time somewhere else. The message
won’t make it across the distance between you. If they feel
sorry for you, that’s the message: “Poor, poor soul!” Nothing else
will be communicated.
Think about this: If they like you, even if they strongly disagree
with your message, the worst they can say about you is,
“That one really believes that garbage,” or, “So what? I like him.”
That was the prevailing feeling about Bill Clinton’s untruths. And
believe me, that’s better than, “What a liar,” or, “How stupid can
you get?” or, “Kill!”
38 How to Sell Yourself
A few corollaries already suggested
• We never buy from a seller we don’t like.
• Jurors almost never convict a defendant they really like or
one whose attorney presents the client as wronged by the
system. The case almost always results in an acquittal or,
at worst, a hung jury.
• We rarely become close friends with people we genuinely
dislike.
• We hardly ever hire the job applicant we don’t like.
• We certainly don’t promote the unlikable one.
• We learn better in the classroom of the teacher we like
and who appears to like us. This is true even when that
teacher is strict disciplinarian.
• We never vote for the candidate we dislike most. In fact, even
when we think the more unlikable one would do a better job,
chances are we’ll not even go to the polling place this time.
• We all know people we don’t care for. We go out of our
way not to socialize with them. We think, “We have nothing
in common.”
• We all have family members we don’t like, and the only
reason we put up with them is just that: They’re family.
• We all have colleagues at work with varying degrees of
likability. Which ones do we gravitate to at break time?
Another inescapable fact: I may like someone you don’t like
and vice versa. So the logical conclusion is that there’s no such
thing as being liked by everyone. But the objective is to communicate
in such a way that most of your audience will find you likable.
Keys to likability
Your use of face, body, and voice are your keys to likability.
Obviously, we’re all using them constantly to communicate. But
most of us are using them incorrectly.
Using your face
The first thing the audience sees is your face. It’s hard to realize,
but that first look is going to cause the audience to make a
Selling Your Likability 39
judgment about you. It’s an instantaneous feeling of like, dislike,
neutrality or, pity. We never realized it, but our “public” face is
quite different from our “personal” or “social” face.
Make it a point to begin watching other people in all kinds of
common situations such as getting on an elevator, nodding a greeting
at someone in the office first thing in the morning, getting on
a bus or subway, or at the checkout counter. There’s almost never
an expression of genuine warmth, caring, or affection.
That brings me to my third definition of communication.
Remember:
1. Communication is the transfer of information from
mind to mind.
2. Communication is an information transplant.
3. Communication is an intellectual act of love.
It’s a heavy concept. It takes a lot of thought to accept. But it
happens to be true. An audience reacts in kind. When you look as
though you’re ill at ease as you speak, you make your audience
feel the same way about you. When you look as though you don’t
care about your audience, they don’t care back. But when you
make intellectual love to your audience, they have no choice but
to like you back. And never forget: Likability wins.
The smile
First, consider the smile. It says, “I’m happy to be here.” It’s
a wonderful way to introduce yourself. It’s a wonderful recurring
tool for any communicator. But a word of caution: In order to be
effective, the smile has to be two things. It has to be genuine and
it has to be absolutely appropriate. Otherwise, you’ll look like the
village idiot. Picture the person smiling and saying, “I’m sorry
about the death in your family,” or, “Let’s talk now about AIDS.”
It always comes as a shock when the TV reporters look as if
they’re smiling or grinning when they broadcast, “Three thousand
people were left homeless when the earthquake struck in Nepal,”
or the weather reporter who appears to be having a great time
telling you, “Another tornado is on the way in the Southeast.”
The smiling face is a happy face. It must only appear at happy
or pleasant times. Many women have said to me, “People tell me I
smile too much.” My answer to them is, “Maybe the smile appears
too often at inappropriate times.” I don’t think it’s possible
40 How to Sell Yourself
to smile too much if the message is a pleasant, happy one. A famous
former National Football League quarterback has a jaw formation
that makes him look like he’s grinning when he’s not. He
has a huge mouth, enormous teeth, and lips that have never met.
He’d throw a pass, and it would be intercepted and returned for a
touchdown by the other team. He’d pull off his helmet and leave
the field with what looked like a huge smile. Believe me, he wasn’t
smiling, but the look once caused John Madden to comment,
“What’s he so happy about?” Of course, I’m talking about John
Elway.
There is such a thing as a nervous smile. It’s an unfortunate
face to show. I’m thinking of the person who’s being interviewed
on television at a moment of terrible stress. Quite often you’ll see
the grieving widow talking about the accident that took her
husband’s life telling the interviewer what a terrible experience it
was and the near-grimace appears like a grin. We wonder if he
had a fabulous insurance policy. Or the people you’ve seen talking
to a reporter while cleaning up after a devastating flood. The
face is really in a resigned “acceptance” mode, but again, it appears
like a grin and we’re left wondering.
Non-smiling faces
There are three non-smiling faces we’re capable of showing to
others. I call them the “closed face,” the “neutral face,” and the
“open face.” Each is produced by the use of the involuntary
muscles of the face. By that I mean we use them all the time without
realizing what we’re doing.
The closed face. This is the name I give to the face we produce
when we frown. We draw the brows tightly together (it’s
called the “knit” brow). We narrow the eye slits. (And remember:
The eyes are the window to the soul.) And we produce a vertical
line or lines between the eyebrows.
We do it all the time when we’re deep in thought. (“That’s a
tough one. Let me think about it for a minute.”) This is the face
we use all the time when we’re worried. (“Doctor, tell me the
truth. Is it cancer? Am I going to die?”) And we do it when we’re
angry. (“You promised me a raise. You lied!”) It’s a terrible face
to show an audience. It almost always comes across as stressed
out, furious, or sneaky, and an audience simply doesn’t like what
TEAMFLY
Selling Your Likability 41
it sees. You look as
though you don’t like your
audience and your audience
dislikes you back.
For example, the closed
face almost defeated
George W. Bush in 2000.
The neutral face. This
is the name I give to the
face you show when nothing
moves but the mouth.
It’s the most common
public-speaking and television-
interviewee face.
The face is naked. We
don’t want the audience to
see us naked, so we “put
it away.” We hide it. We
Closed face: The closed face is perceived as an angry, uptight face. It says “I
don’t like you” and the audience doesn’t like you back. George W. Bush used
it throughout the 2000 presidential campaign.
Neutral face: The neutral face is a bored
face; the face of the dead. It was Al Gore’s
face in the 2000 election.
42 How to Sell Yourself
put on a mask. It’s the face of “small talk.” Unfortunately, it’s the
face we use most of the time. It’s the face of the dead.
Pay attention to the speakers at the next meeting you attend.
Watch experts giving their wisest opinion on TV.
Watch political candidates.
Again, look at other people on the elevator and on public transportation.
They look as if the casket business should be booming.
The neutral face seems to be saying, “I don’t care one whit
about you,” and the audience reciprocates in kind. It’s the surest
way to turn off the listeners’ attention buttons. For example, the
neutral face cost Al Gore a victory in election 2000.
The open face
Now comes the element of my training I’m proudest of. It’s
the expression I call the open face. I created the concept when I
started teaching in 1952. It’s a winner. It’s the face that says, “I
like you.” It’s a caring face.
People who’ve been through my training agree it’s the most
useful, most helpful concept they’ve ever learned. They’ve discovered,
and I hope you’ll discover, that when you make intellectual
love to your audience, they have no choice but to really like
you back.
Nearly every follow-up of my training for Merrill Lynch financial
consultants talks about the life-changing and career-improving
effect of the open face.
I treasure this letter from a woman I never met:
Dear Mr. Lustberg,
I am writing to thank you. You have made quite an
impact on my husband. He sat next to you on an airplane
a couple of weeks ago. The two of you had a conversation
about communicating effectively, and the impact
that facial expressions have on other people. He demonstrated
the “open” face for everyone he met and explained
why it was preferable to a “closed” face.
He is a consultant for a large corporation and travels
extensively. Every few months he finds himself in a new
assignment with a whole new group of co-workers. This
is challenging and intimidating for him. He is not known
Selling Your Likability 43
for a ‘gets along with everyone’ personality. He considers
himself quite intelligent and tends to come across a little
arrogant at times.
On the trip from the airport to his new assignment, a
corporate colleague informed him that one of the other
employees at the work site was a little difficult to deal
with. He was advised to “just try to ignore her bad personality.”
However, he decided to take your advice to heart.
After one week of polite conversation and conscious
attempts to keep an open face, this person has warmed
up to him nicely. She treats him kindlier and with much
greater respect than the other corporate people. His coworkers
are amazed. This has boosted his confidence,
eased his transition, and makes him more valuable to the
project.
Thank you for taking the time to share your knowledge
and insight with him. He feels as though he has a
new and effective tool to help him as he meets and interacts
with people.
C.L.
It works. So when people
tell me, “I don’t care if the audience
likes me; that doesn’t
matter to me,” all I can say is,
“You’re making a world-class
mistake.”
The open face is the face
you show your audience when
you elevate your brows slightly
and create the horizontal lines
in your forehead.
It’s the face of warm, caring,
animated conversation.
Watch people telling secrets.
Watch two people engaged
in big-time gossip.
No one has ever walked up
to a baby’s crib and neutrally
Open face: The open face is a caring
face, and the audience returns the favor.
Remember: The smiling face is
happy. The open face is warm.
44 How to Sell Yourself
or frowningly said, “Good morning, baby. I have a bottle. I want
you to drink it. It will nourish you.”
What do we do? We open up, raise our brows, and say, “Hi,
baby.” We show the baby the only signals of affection it can understand.
The same is true of our relationship with our pets. We
give them all the love and affection they need, but we hold back
with adults for fear of looking foolish.
Again, the eyes are the window to the soul. And when you’re
willing to “show me more eye,” I believe you’re telling me the truth.
Don’t be confused. Don’t confuse the smile with the open face.
The smile is a happy face. The open face is a caring face.
Your strongest tools
The use of the open face and eye contact are two of the strongest
tools anyone can use to convince someone else. To be liked.
To win. They represent the most powerful attributes of the best
teachers, preachers, salespersons, witnesses, attorneys, candidates
for public office, and public speakers. Even the doctors I train
find that this technique dramatically improves patient relationships.
And heaven knows, bedside manner gets more important
with each passing day of managed care.
Practice
1. Try using your mirror. Frown at yourself and count to five
aloud. See how menacing and awful you appear to an audience
when you close your face.
2. Now neutralize your face. Don’t move anything but your
lips and don’t move them very much. Count to five aloud
again and see how easy it will be to put an audience to
sleep or make them wish they were somewhere else.
3. Next open your face. Move your brows up. Count aloud
to five again. Notice the change. It really doesn’t take a lot
of exaggeration, but because we’re not used to making these
muscles work that way, it may seem strange at first. People
often feel “bug-eyed” trying to make it happen. But after a
while, practicing this exercise will help it become a much
more natural expression in the unnatural circumstance of
speaking in public.
When in doubt, remember the baby, the puppy, and the kitten.
Selling Your Likability 45
Practice with a friend
In the last chapter, I suggested an eye-contact exercise with a
friend. Now try it as a face exercise. Close your face. Frown hard.
Now introduce yourself. Next, neutralize your face. Wipe off all
the expression. Introduce yourself again. Open your face. Let your
eyes open all the way and arch the brows upward. Introduce yourself.
Now, have your friend do the same exercise as you watch.
The difference is remarkable.
The key to likability is the open face. And remember: Likability
wins.
Using your body
The second likability
tool is your body. It’s
another key part of that
critical first opinion of
you. It involves the way
you stand and the way
you sit, your posture,
and the way you use
your hands and arms. I
call the gesture “the
c o m - m u n i c a t o r ’ s
equivalent of a hug or a
handshake.”
If you’ll agree that
communication is an intellectual act of love, you’ll realize that the
open face says, “I care,” and the gesture says, “I share.” But as
the face is, the hands are naked. We’re not at all comfortable with
them, so we hide them. We put them away. Standing, we immediately
go into one of four “no-no” hand positions, each effectively
killing any chance to use gesture as a communication tool.
The 4 “no-no” hand positions
1. One hand clutches the other wrist and together they come
to rest in front of the crotch. In photography, this is called
the “fig leaf” position.
The gesture is like a handshake or a hug.
46 How to Sell Yourself
Most men and many
women consider this the
hand position of choice.
It’s almost guaranteed that
as soon as the photographer
bellows, “Hold it,”
that’s where we go. Most
still photos we see of
people standing at official
gatherings feature the fig
leaf. Ironically, because
we’re all natural gesturers,
we wind up flicking fingers
to make a point. More
overt gesturers open and
close their palms in quick
succession and look like
they’re “flashing.”
2. Hands thrust deep into
pockets. Unfortunately
this gesturer is flicking hidden
fingers. We’ve all
heard the keys and the
change being flung around
and it becomes a joke.
3. Hands behind the back.
It’s the hallmark of royalty
and military leaders,
people never accused of
having hugging personalities.
4. The female fig leaf. Arms
folded defiantly in front of
the chest. Most women
and many men favor this
position.
All four happen to be extremely
comfortable positions for us. Unfortunately, what’s comfortable to
us can look terribly uncomfortable and uptight to an audience.
Fig leaf: This position is named
“the fig leaf” by photographers.
Pockets: You’ve heard the keys
and change as the fingers gesture
in the pockets.
Selling Your Likability 47
They are gesture inhibiting
positions.
They are hand-hiders.
They are easy, but they are
wrong!
The people looking at the nono
position are made uncomfortable
because the presenter appears
unhappy to be in front of a
group or a camera.
What’s a person to do?
Once again, use your mirror.
Stand erect. Shake out your
shoulders. See where your hands
fall. As uncomfortable as this position
seems to be, it happens to
be the perfect and natural starting
position.
Now notice I said “starting.”
After the first gesture, the hands
can go anywhere you’re comfortable
as long as that first gesture
says “keep gesturing.” Like the
smile, the gesture has to be appropriate
and genuine. If it is, it
will help you look like you mean
what you say and you’re saying
what you mean.
When the CEO says, “The
company had a wonderful year,”
the word wonderful has to be accompanied
by a physical movement.
Otherwise, the word might
as well have been so-so. Like the
smile, the only time the gesture
seems wrong is when it’s not genuine or appropriate.
In conversation most of us are constantly gesturing. How often
have you heard, “If I didn’t use my hands I couldn’t talk”?
At ease: The military mistakenly
calls this position “at ease.” It looks
anything but.
Female fig leaf: Nothing looks
more aloof and defensive than your
arms folded tightly in front of you.
48 How to Sell Yourself
Gesture is a natural communication tool in our culture. Don’t
throw it away because you’re uncomfortable with your hands.
Nothing will turn the audience to looking out the window and
daydreaming as the combination of the neutral face and the fig
leaf will.
Using your voice
Unless you’re heading for a career in the performing arts, you
probably don’t need voice training. But if the phone rings and you
pick up the receiver and say, “Hello,” and the voice on the other
end says, “Is your mother home?” then you need voice training.
Get yourself to a voice coach who’ll help you make a more mature
sound. Don’t waste another minute. But in normal situations, your
voice will do what your face tells it to do.
Try this:
• Close your face. Frown hard. Draw your brows tightly together.
Narrow those eye slits until your eyes are barely
open. Now say the words, “Good morning.” Hold the position
and say it again. “Good morning.” It sounds as though
your saying, “I hope you’re having as bad a day as I am.”
That’s your face telling your voice what to do.
• Neutralize your face. Don’t energize any of the facial
muscles. Don’t move anything but your lips and say it again.
“Good morning.” Nothing. No one can believe you’re doing
anything but forcing yourself to say two words. You
might as well just nod your head or grunt a sound.
• Open your face. Get those brows way up. Let the eyes
widen and glow. Now say it. “Good morning.” Listen to
the music. What a change. This not only brightens the day
of the person you’re greeting, but it has a golden effect on
your own well-being. You make other people feel better
and you feel better.
It’s personality therapy!
You went from angry-sounding to boring to enthusiastic, energetic,
and happy. We go out of our way to show the open face to
the child and the pet, but we’re ashamed to use it with adults. The
voice takes on its warmest tone when the open face is the signalsender.
Selling Your Likability 49
Do the three “good mornings” again, this time paying close
attention to the signals your voice is sending.
Closed: “Good morning.” Sounds like, “Get out of here. Go away.”
Neutral: “Good morning.” Sounds like, “I wish I were somewhere
else.”
The neutral face “good morning” says, “Go away. I have more
important things to do than talk to you.”
Saying “good morning” with a closed face sounds like “I’m having
a rotten day. Keep your distance.”
50 How to Sell Yourself
Open: “Good
mor
ning.” Seems to say, “Welcome to a wonderful
world.”
I’ve always considered it
remarkable that voice is
taught as a separate course in
high school and college. I can
understand separating voice
as part of a drama or music
curriculum, but otherwise
voice has no business being
separated from the mind, the
face, and the body. In other
words, voice should never be
taught in a vacuum. Certainly,
if you have vocal problems
and tend to strain your
throat after speaking for a
while, or if your voice is
harsh, strident, shrill, nasal,
or whiney, then you should get help in the production of sound.
But barring a real problem, your voice will respond as it should
and be pleasant to hear if your face and body are open as you
speak.
Vocal tools
There are three vocal tools that you should be aware of as you
speak. They are:
• Volume is the decibel level: the loudness or softness of
your voice.
• Pitch is the position of the sound on the musical scale:
the highness or lowness of your voice.
• Rate is the duration of the sound: the length of time it
takes you to make it.
In stress, the muscles of the head and neck tighten and most
sounds tend to come out the same. That is, every sound seems to
take on the same volume, pitch, and rate, which is the definition
of monotonous. When your facial muscles are tight and you say,
The open face “good morning” says “I’m
glad to see you.”
TEAMFLY
Selling Your Likability 51
“He made an amazing recovery,” every syllable sounds exactly
like every other syllable. You’re inviting anyone listening to tune
you out or to misunderstand you. When you open your face (and
by that very action you’re de-stressing the muscles), chances are
the words will come out like this:
He made an a maaz ing
recovery.
There’s variety in volume, pitch, and rate inside that sentence.
There’s honesty in that sentence.
Volume is the most overused and the least effective of the
three vocal tools.
Years ago, before refined sound systems, powerful, sonorous
voices were the norm, the speaker had to reach the back of large
auditoriums. The only aid was the speaker’s own vocal power. But
as the technical equipment improved, the ability (or lack of ability)
of most speakers remained in the 1920s. The advent of the
microphone should have altered speaking styles drastically, but it
hasn’t. Before the microphone, it was never possible to speak in
an entirely conversational voice and be heard by a large number
of people. Now it is. But most inexperienced or uncomfortable or
untrained speakers tend to speak too loudly in public situations.
The untrained will approach the microphone, clear the throat
(which may or may not need clearing), place the voice too far
back in the throat (to impress the audience with authority), and
speak too loudly. The sound that comes out is pompous. It’s the
sound of the great “ahem,” a phony voice, an affected voice, a
“platform voice.” Yet, many of us still do it, thinking it’s the proper
public voice for the serious professional.
Young men and women moving up in the world must be especially
aware of this trap. It’s very easy to fall into because we’ve
been led to believe that it’s what’s expected in the upwardly mobile
world. It isn’t, but after all, our role models, the business and
political leaders we see all the time, show us very few examples of
good communication skills.
One young man, seeing a television replay of his before and
after presentations in a workshop said, “Now I know what you
mean. You’re telling me to use my ‘living room’ voice all the time—
not my ‘radio’ voice.” That’s it exactly! You should use your warm,
52 How to Sell Yourself
conversational, “living room” voice, not your “professional,” “authoritative,”
“mature,” or “leadership” voice.
Get rid of the artificial person you think you’re supposed to be.
Become the person you really are. This is about being yourself.
The real you.
When in doubt, speak even more quietly. You need only enough
volume to be heard. Emphasis and energy should be added by
using pitch and rate changes rather than by adding volume. Pitch
and rate are the storytellers’ tools.
Once
up
on
a
tiii
me.
Try saying these sentences without any expression:
• She’s a remarkable person.
• It was a delightful movie.
• He’s a dynamite speaker.
• You believe that liar?
• It was an overwhelming experience.
• He’s never done an honest day’s work in his life.
• Just who does she think she is?
Open up
Get the brows up. Gesture—illustrate with a hand—on the
emphasis words. Make it meaningful by making it important. The
pitch and rate should follow.
Say those sentences again. It makes a huge difference, doesn’t
it? When you put it all together, it makes communication nothing
less than a performing art. Not acting, mind you, but presenting
yourself in a dynamic, interesting, attention-grabbing way.
When the mind, face, body, and voice are working together
for the benefit of the audience, the end result is almost always
likability, and likability wins.
It works. One of my clients brought me to her staff annually.
When the training was over for the department heads, she invited
the receptionists, secretaries, and all the people who were early
phone contacts for callers or visitors. I would work with them for
half an hour on the face and voice relationship and had them do
Selling Your Likability 53
the, “Good morning,” exercise aloud. They were surprised to realize
that the facial expression made such a dramatic difference.
On one visit, a young woman named Esther sought me out and
said, “Mr. Lustberg, I can’t thank you enough. Since you showed
me how to use my face and voice, I’ve been promoted three times.”
54 How to Sell Yourself
Selling With Confidence 55
4
Selling With Confidence
C 55 c
THE NUMBER-ONE human fear seems to be speaking before a group,
so it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that public speaking
creates an enormous stress factor for a lot of people. But it’s important
to realize that although stress is a communication killer,
nervousness is an asset.
So the fundamental idea of this chapter is how to turn stress
(bad) into nervous energy (good).
With this skill, you’ll be able to develop the all-important ingredient:
confidence. It really isn’t a long journey from “I’m going
to make an ass of myself in front of all these people,” to “They
came to hear what I have to say. They want me to succeed. After
all, it’s their time and it’s up to me to make it valuable for them. I
have good information. All I need to do is make it interesting.”
Care about the audience
That frame of mind is a good introduction to converting from
self-consciousness to the confidence that comes from realizing
you are there for the audience, not the other way around. So, the
concentration should be outward—on them—rather than inward—
on you. Then, “Is my hair in place? Am I falling apart? Is my fly
zipped (or is my lipstick smeared)?” becomes, “Get them with
the program. Give them a dynamite opening. Relate to them. Show
them you care about them.” Confidence isn’t cockiness. It isn’t
smugness. It’s the awareness that by being audience-friendly, you’re
selling yourself and you want them to be on your team.
56 How to Sell Yourself
Make nervousness your ally
Nervousness is a perfectly natural and almost universal occurrence.
Ask any singer, any actor, any performer. You’ll hear
the same thing over and over. “I’m nervous before every performance.
It (nervousness) energizes my performance. It gives me
the edge I need.” So, don’t confuse nervousness with “stage fright.”
Again, that’s the difference between an energized presentation
and a stressed-out one.
Talk to professional athletes. They’ll tell you their least productive
games were the ones in which they were unsure of themselves,
ones in which they lacked confidence.
Think of the tension a State Department spokesperson
struggles with knowing that every word might produce an international
incident.
Each one of those people must deal with the same kind of
pressure, tension, and stress that’s placed on you as a speaker.
The difference between you and those professionals is probably
the confidence with which they handle their situations.
Confidence can be learned
As a speaker, you’re relating directly to an audience. Any group
needs to believe that you seem comfortable, that you have confidence
in yourself. Otherwise, they’ll never be able to have confidence
in your message.
Without confidence, you have:
• Fear.
• Stress.
• Tension.
• Self-consciousness.
• A rapid heartbeat that you can feel.
• Disorganized thoughts.
• Dryness (in your mouth).
• Wetness (everywhere else).
• Evident signs of discomfort.
With confidence, you have:
• Control (of self and audience).
Selling With Confidence 57
• Comfort.
• Presence of mind to think.
• Positive nervous energy making you dynamic.
• The ability to concentrate on your message and your
audience.
Consider the following case study demonstrating the importance
of confidence.
Almost immediately after attending one of my training sessions,
an association executive director had to represent his industry
in one of the first and most media-covered product tampering
cases.
Almost every day for several weeks, he held news conferences
at the Food and Drug Administration and responded to unrelenting
questions from the media.
He testified before congressional committees where the TV
lights blazed, cameras rolled, and questions were often hostile
and intimidating. The pressure was constant.
After it was over, he told me, “Without the confidence your
training gave me, I never could have handled my end of the crisis.”
Of course, the product was Tylenol.
How to gain confidence
In anything you do, the greater your confidence in yourself
and your abilities, the stronger your impact.
That’s not cockiness, mind you. It’s being prepared. It’s knowing
how to take control of your own metabolism and turn your
stress into nervousness that generates enthusiasm and energy.
The secret key
The concept is easy to understand, but just how do you go
about taking control of your metabolism? After all, your heart
rate is racing. Your blood pressure is over the top.
The key is so simple, you’re going to wonder if I really know
what I’m talking about.
The secret to controlling stress is diaphragmatic breathing.
It’s the way the baby breathes when the umbilical cord is severed,
58 How to Sell Yourself
meaning that it’s natural breathing. If anything can be labeled “organic”
or “100 percent natural,” it’s diaphragmatic breathing.
It’s a fact. There’s a way to breathe that can work against you,
especially in a difficult situation, and there’s a way to breathe properly
that can help make that same difficult situation less stressful.
The following story is an example of how this breathing technique
works. A former colleague of mine was invited to attend a
luncheon at the White House. He was thrilled! Then he discovered
that each guest was expected to stand and present a 60-second
self-introduction in front of a roomful of high-powered guests.
His elation turned to panic. He decided not to go. I happened
to hear about his decision and suggested that we work together on
his breathing—only breathing—to control his panic. He decided
it was worth a try. Guess what? He not only went to the luncheon,
but he enjoyed it.
Another example of the effectiveness of correct breathing
comes from even closer to home. One of my then-teenage children
told me one evening, “I had to give an oral report in class
today. I read your booklet and worked on my breathing. Everyone
told me I gave the best report.”
These are just two examples of how proper breathing has
worked for people. There are countless others involving people in
every field from library directors testifying on behalf of their budget
requests to the city council to a presidential hopeful about to
make the speech to announce his candidacy.
Improper breathing can be a roadblock
Remember the speaker who kept gasping for breath and audibly
sucking in air in the middle of sentences? Remember the ones
who preceded every fifth word with “uh . . . uh . . . uh” until you
could think of nothing but their discomfort and your own boredom?
In each case you remember that you were in pain for them.
But do you remember the message? Probably not.
In winter, the coughs and sneezes you suffer are usually a sign
that something is wrong. You probably have a cold. You’re getting
sick. In much the same way, the “uh . . . uh . . . uhs” and the
stammering and groping are signs that something is wrong.
That “something” is lack of control.
Selling With Confidence 59
Lack of competence.
Lack of confidence.
They’re communication killers.
Fortunately, this handicap is curable with proper breathing
and silent pauses.
Assumptions to consider
• First: Assume you’re faced with a difficult situation,
maybe even a crisis situation.
• Second: Of course, you want to handle it successfully.
In order to do this, you must obtain and maintain control.
That means control of your stress and your thought process. You
can do it with proper breathing.
Keep in mind that no good vocal coach ever let a student make
the first sound until the student had mastered proper breathing
techniques. Speech 101 and Singing 101 follow this regimen if properly
taught. In this case, you’re your own coach, so monitor your
progress carefully.
No shortcuts
There are no shortcuts, so take it slowly. You may find the
progress complicated by old, improper breathing habits you’ve
acquired over the years. You have to learn to replace them with
new, correct ones you’re about to develop.
Let’s make sure you understand what you do when you think
of taking a deep breath.
Picture this: You’ve gone for your annual checkup. The doctor
puts a stethoscope to your chest and says, “Now take a deep
breath.” You suck in your gut. You swell your chest and hike up
your shoulders, tightening the muscles of your head and neck like
a soldier at attention.
Keep that image in mind because that’s exactly what you don’t
want to do. I never saw a soldier at attention who looked like—or
acted like—a relaxed, comfortable speaker. So, when you heave
up the shoulders as you suck in the gut to take a deep breath,
you’re going about it the wrong way.
To learn proper breathing techniques, you first need to understand
that the center of the breathing mechanism, the main
60 How to Sell Yourself
muscle, is the diaphragm. It’s a dome-shaped arch located just
under the rib cage, right below the breastbone. The lungs rest on
the diaphragm, so when you look for your diaphragm, if you find
yourself anywhere near your navel, you’re too far south.
The proper breathing rhythm is for the diaphragm to flatten
on inhalation.
On exhalation, the diaphragm returns to its arched position,
forcing air out of the lungs by pushing them up.
Place your fingers against your diaphragm. On an inhalation,
your fingers should be forced away from your body. On the exhalation,
your fingers should move back toward your body.
Be very conscious of what you’re doing because it’s quite common
to do it wrong. At first, it may seem unnatural. We’ve been
used to thinking that the “in” in “inhale” means sucking in the
gut. The “in” actually means filling the lungs with air, and it can
only happen when the diaphragm flattens, moving down and away
from the body.
Unlearn bad breathing techniques
Incorrect breathing often comes from military training, exaggerated
posture training, and an involuntary reaction to stress and
fear. It goes back to the terrible notion of “take a deep breath.”
The command should be “take a diaphragmatic breath.”
Incorrect breathing is one of the leading causes of lack of
confidence.
It’s a communication destroyer.
Practice correctly
Check it out. Stand in front of a mirror. Pretend you’ve just
heard the magic words, “Take a deep breath.” If you’re pulling
your diaphragm in, sucking in the gut, your shoulders will heave
upward. The muscles of your head and neck will tighten noticeably.
It’s exactly the opposite of what should be happening.
Your shoulders shouldn’t move on the inhalation. The lungs
need room to expand. The motion of the diaphragm should be
outward, not upward.
Yawning and sighing are almost perfect examples of deep diaphragmatic
breathing. You’re always breathing correctly lying on
your back as you fall asleep.
TEAMFLY
Selling With Confidence 61
The trouble is that you can’t
check on your breathing while you
sleep, so in order to experience
this type of breathing, try these
exercises.
Exercise 1
Lie on your back. Fold your
arms across your diaphragm and
close your eyes. Notice that by
the third or fourth breath, your
breathing rhythm is normal and
correct. Your diaphragm is moving
away from your spine on inhalation
and back toward the
spine as you exhale.
It’s harder to accomplish this
rhythm when you’re standing, so
now try standing up. Place your
fingers on the diaphragm. Take
a gentle but forceful breath.
Don’t think about “deep breathing.”
Think about pushing out on
your fingers as you inhale. Now,
exhale and let your fingers return
to your body. Inhale again. Push
your fingers away. Return to the
original inward position as you
exhale. Repeat it several times.
Repetition makes perfect.
Close your eyes and repeat it several
more times. Notice that
when you’re doing it right,
there’s a surge of relaxed, comfortable
well-being flowing through your body. Your metabolism
is normalizing, moving toward peace. This is the state
hypnotherapists try to induce leading up to the hypnotic state. It’s
the breathing method taught by yoga and meditation classes. It’s
taught for natural childbirth methods to help reduce the pain that’s
stress-related. And when in doubt, watch a sleeping baby breathe.
Notice the difference in the muscles
of the head and neck. Chest breathing
tightens and stresses.
Diaphragmatic breathing relaxes
and normalizes.
62 How to Sell Yourself
Exercise 2
Press the fingers of one hand into your diaphragm. Place the
fingers of the other hand on the back of your neck. Take an incorrect
deep, deep breath. Suck your diaphragm in hard as you inhale.
Notice how tense the muscles in your head and neck have become.
Your whole head is filling with tension. So is your whole body.
Now do the same thing with your hands, but correct the breathing
rhythm. Push your fingers away as you inhale and let them return
as you exhale. Feel the tension race out of the back of your neck.
You’re experiencing the first leg of your journey toward relaxation.
In maybe three or four breaths, you have your body reacting
the way you want it to rather than reacting to the stress of the
situation. You’re controlling your body rather than letting your
body control you.
Now, let your mind take over. Obviously, you can’t stand up
in front of your board of directors, smile, and say, “Hold it just a
second, folks,” then go into your breathing exercise. But you certainly
can practice proper breathing techniques inconspicuously
while waiting your turn to present. You can practice correct breathing
anytime you’re alone or anytime you’re in a group when the
group’s focus is on someone else.
In fact, once you’ve mastered the technique, you can do it
anywhere, anytime. If it’s done right, it won’t even require special
finger placement. It will feel right and be inconspicuous. Now your
mind can take over.
I also recommend practicing your breathing on the telephone.
Most of us spend a tremendous amount of time on the phone. It’s a
great time to put the free hand on the diaphragm and “make it happen.”
It won’t be long before you’re breathing correctly all the time.
Don’t let stress destroy your control
All bets are off when stress strikes. When the guillotine is
about to fall, just about everyone tends to breathe improperly and
tighten everything.
Think about scenarios such as these:
• You’re furious because a colleague just single-handedly
lost your biggest client with a stupid, thoughtless,
avoidable act.
Selling With Confidence 63
• One of your children just totaled your car in a careless
accident. He’s okay—no injury, but now all you can
think of is the stupidity of the act.
• Your mayor just announced that the city is doubling
your real estate tax.
• You’re in a true state of road rage.
In situations such as these, stop. Take several diaphragmatic
breaths. Let your breathing help you get hold of yourself. Let
your breathing force the tension out of your body and soothe you
back into comfort and control.
Recognize stress for what it is
The problem, of course, is realizing you’re in a stressful state
when you’re in it. Usually, extreme stress is so extreme it takes
over and we’re unaware of anything else. It’s vitally important
that you learn how to recognize when you’re in deep stress. Otherwise,
you won’t be able to control it because you won’t have the
presence of mind to concentrate on letting your breathing help
release you from the prison of stress.
I know it’s hard to concentrate on a physical act such as breathing
when your body wants to perform a physical act more along
the lines of murder, but the more you let panic reign, the harder it
is to throw it off.
So, once again, proper breathing is basic to good communication.
It’s fundamental.
Good spoken communication begins with good breathing. Selfcontrol
is the name of the game.
It works!
If you suffer the pangs of fear and stress when you know you’re
going to speak, read what two of the people I’ve trained who were
just like you:
“When I feel a panic attack coming on, I stop, take two or
three diaphragmatic breaths, and I’m back in command of myself
and my situation.”
“I’m convinced that breathing is the most important lesson I
got. I’m much more in control of myself. It really amazes me to be
able to be confident in what used to be a bad situation.”
64 How to Sell Yourself
Even the most experienced speakers have told me that proper
breathing before—and during—their presentation is the vital ingredient
in delivering their message with confidence.
Michael D. Bradbury, district attorney of Ventura County,
California, wrote me: “As I remember my interview on ABC’s 20/
20, when hit with some tough questions, I recalled your sage advice.
I took my time, along with a couple of deep diaphragmatic
breaths, and came up with some memorable remarks.”
When you have self-confidence, your audience will have confidence
in you. They’ll like you better, and likability wins.
Selling with the Right Signals 65
5
Selling with the Right Signals
C 65 c
EVERYTHING YOU DO sends signals to the people you’re talking to.
You’ve watched presenters who tug at an ear every five seconds.
You’ve seen people presenting who have a dry mouth and are constantly
moistening their lips. You’ve watched people who look as
though they wish they were anywhere else—so does the audience.
Send the right signals
The important message here is that you can learn how to send
the proper signals that help the audience find you competent, confident,
and likable.
Some people call it “body language.”
Some call it “non-verbal communication.”
I call it “sending signals.”
I’ve already talked about how breathing can send signals.
If your audience watches your shoulders heave upward as you
inhale, you look tight, tense, stiff, and intimidated. You may not
be aware that you’re doing it, but your audience will be and they
will read those signals as “uncomfortable” and soon they, too, will
be uncomfortable.
Everything about you sends a signal
The way you use your face, your hands, and your voice sends signals.
What you wear sends signals. So does your general appearance,
66 How to Sell Yourself
your grooming. In short, as long as your audience can see you,
what they see is as important as what you say.
The combination of the neutral face and a position such as the
fig leaf has the audience thinking, “This poor person!” They realize
you’re not pleased to be there and that you’ve got problems,
and they’ll wish they were somewhere else.
Sending good signals
In any speaking situation, your job is to help the audience
receive the message you want them to get, but it’s not as simple as
it sounds. It means that they have to perceive you to be comfortable,
confident, and in control, whether you’re standing behind a
lectern, sitting at a conference table, or simply in conversation.
Standing isn’t as easy as it sounds
The position a lot of people find least comfortable is standing
with their hands at their sides. Interestingly and unfortunately, this is
the most comfortable position for the audience to see. It looks natural.
It sends the most friendly, open, personable signals, but most of
us find the hands naked. We don’t like to be naked, so we hide the
hands. By giving in to this impulse, we wind up in an awkward-looking
position. Most men go right for the fig leaf. Most women fold
their arms in front of them. Of course, some thrust their hands in
their pockets and others hide their hands behind their backs.
None of these stances look comfortable or inviting to an audience.
Worse still, these positions are gesture inhibitors, meaning
we’re unable to “hug” an audience or “shake hands” via the gesture.
Each of the “no-no” positions sends signals that usually will
be interpreted by an audience as signs of stiffness or insecurity.
Yet, time after time, people automatically assume one of these
hand-hiding positions.
There are many examples of this. Look at photographs of
award ceremonies, company meetings, and social functions. Nearly
everyone will be in the fig-leaf or arms-folded position. Look at a
newspaper picture of the president, governor, or mayor signing a
bill or holding a press conference. All the aides and participants
will be in an uncomfortable-looking position in the background.
It almost looks posed. It’s almost comical.
Selling with the Right Signals 67
What you can learn is how to send the signals that show your
audience you’re comfortable, in control, and self-confident.
How to stand
When standing, I recommend this position:
• Erect posture.
• Feet about shoulder-width apart.
• One foot slightly in front of the other.
• Hands comfortably at your sides; fingers quiet and relaxed.
• Head erect.
• Chin up but not exaggerated.
Here are the messages you’ll send in this position:
• An erect posture suggests authority.
• Feet spread suggest solidity.
• One foot slightly forward lets you move toward the audience
as you gesture. It suggests the embrace and the hug I
spoke of earlier.
• With your hands at your sides you look natural and
comfortable.
• Keeping your head erect with your chin up prevents you
from looking as if you’re talking down to your audience—
or worse, from looking down your nose at your audience—
or from tilting your head to one side.
I’ve noticed that many people tilt their heads to one side. I think
it weakens the communication. I realize there are coaches who think
the tilted head looks good. I don’t agree. Your head should be erect
and still. I stress “still” because many people react with head nods
instead of using the open face. Often, we nod as we’re listening intently.
It says, “I agree.” But in many cases, the nod is habit and even
though we mean it to say, “I understand where you’re coming from,”
what we’re reacting to is an accusation of wrongdoing or bad thinking
and the audience sees, “You’re absolutely right.” It looks bad.
What to do with your hands. Once you’re comfortable with
the right way to stand, take a couple of diaphragmatic breaths.
Shake out your shoulders. See where your hands fall naturally.
They should be at your sides.
Fingers that fidget, clutch at things, or are fully extended won’t
look comfortable to an audience. So avoid the temptation to wiggle
68 How to Sell Yourself
the fingers or tug at the bottom of your jacket. Your fingers
should be slightly curled with the thumb angled slightly toward
the audience.
Don’t let either your palm or the back of your hand face the
audience.
Stay loose and gesture. What has been illustrated so far is
only your starting position. I don’t recommend that you stand like
a statue. Use gestures to punctuate what you’re saying and to help
the audience visualize what you’re saying. After the first few gestures,
you’ll find that your hands can come to lots of other positions
and look good.
• Your fingers can be folded gently in front of you.
• One hand can move to a pocket after a gesture.
• Your arms can be folded in front if you’ll come out of it
to gesture and then return to another position.
It’s important to vary the gestures so that they’re genuine and
appropriate. It’s also important to vary the hand positions.
Whatever subsequent positions you choose, keep in mind the
gesture is one of the strong signals you send.
The open face says, “I care.” The gesture says, “I share,” “This
communication is important to me,” and “I hug you with this idea.”
Keep up the good work. Keep using your hands and your arms
to make appropriate and genuine gestures. Don’t succumb to the
temptation to hide them. You’ll also discover that by varying the
hand you use to gesture, you’ll help yourself vary the gestures.
For some reason I don’t understand, television personalities
are discouraged from using their hands. It’s created some really
weird communication styles. The reporters, anchors, and talking
heads speak with heads bobbing, shoulder-jerking, and odd movements
for emphasis. We all talk with our hands, so all those other
awkward wriggles are gesture-substitutes that look weird.
The lectern
The same principles apply to the lectern. You can hold it with
both hands, but don’t clutch it. Clutching the lectern tightly is the
podium equivalent of the fig leaf. Use the lectern, but not as a
crutch. Don’t become dependent on it to hold you up.
Selling with the Right Signals 69
When you are standing behind a lectern, use natural and appropriate
gestures. They don’t have to be big. The audience
doesn’t even have to see them, but using them gives you energy.
It pumps you up. It helps you embrace your audience. I like to
recommend offering the audience a hand movement on the initial
greeting, such as, “Good morning.” It brings presenter and audience
together.
Sitting
Sitting is usually an easier communication
position than standing,
but it can be more tricky and deceptive.
This is because we’re likely
to feel more comfortable sitting,
even though we often look less
comfortable.
We like to sit back when we’re
relaxed.
We often let ourselves “sink
in.”
Sofas and easy chairs that
swivel and lean back especially
tend to trap us. When we lean
back, sink in, or swivel, we appear
to lose interest in the person with
whom we’re talking or the person
to whom we should be listening.
When someone is leaning, sinking, or swiveling, you’re getting a
signal that he or she is uninterested in the communication.
I remember William F. Buckley when he had a regularly scheduled
television show. He leaned so far back in his chair that he
seemed completely uninterested in his guest. Worse, the audience
got the impression of a supremely inflated ego and that he was
looking down his nose at an inferior.
How to sit
If you lean back, you’re likely to send the signal that you just
don’t care about what you’re saying or with whom you’re talking.
There are many ways to appear
disinterested when sitting, such
as looking stiff and uncomfortable.
70 How to Sell Yourself
When you’re alone or surrounded
by people who know you
well, any position is fine; but when
you’re trying to make a favorable
impression, or when an audience, a
colleague, or a client is looking at
you, I recommend these techniques:
• Sit with your spine erect but
not exaggerated.
• Lean slightly forward.
• Keep your knees together.
• If you cross your legs, cross
the top at a downward angle.
The least attractive part of
your wardrobe is the sole of
your shoe, so why put it on
display?
• Have your hands in a comfortable
position and free to
gesture.
• Keep your spine away from
the back of the chair. Resist
the temptation to slump.
• If the chair has arms, your
arms can rest on them but
don’t let your hands dangle.
Your hands may touch the
chair’s arms but don’t
clutch them. You can rest
your hands on your thighs
if you prefer. If you fold
your hands on your lap,
leave them loose and free to gesture.
Sitting erect and leaning slightly forward with an open face as
you speak will always send the right signals.
How to react
I realize that this isn’t about acting, but I think you should
know that any trained actor would tell you that a considerable
...or leaning back with legs
spread apart. (TV calls this the
“crotch shot.”)
...or checking your watch.
TEAMFLY
Selling with the Right Signals 71
percentage of acting is reacting. The
same is true of communication.
Much of being a good communicator
is being a good listener. You’re
sending signals even when you’re
not speaking.
Think about the many headtable
people you’ve watched in your
lifetime who seem to ignore the
keynote speaker.
Think about all the panel members
you’ve seen who haven’t bothered
to look at the panelist who’s
speaking and give the appearance
they’re just bored with the whole
thing.
We’ve all watched the vice
president and Speaker of the House
seemingly wishing they were somewhere
else during the State of the
Union address.
When you’re not speaking,
you’re still “on”
My point is that when you’re not
speaking, you have to stay alert and
look interested because the audience
may be looking at you. In fact,
if you aren’t responding, you’ll
probably be distracting the audience.
Your reactions must be genuine
and appropriate, just like the
smile and the gesture.
Sitting in the audience at dinner meetings, I’m amazed at how
many head-table people, often celebrities or business or political
leaders will look at their watches, sip coffee, stare straight ahead,
or even talk to each other while someone else is presenting.
The audience is being distracted and attention is literally being
stolen from the person they should be listening to.
The only way to sit is to look interested
with good posture and
an open face.
...or looking away.
72 How to Sell Yourself
Be a good listener
Listening is as important to a career as learning to speak well.
Communication isn’t complete without both. And here, too, a sure
sign of interest, caring, and attentive listening is the open face.
Some of the most universally seen listeners and reactors are
the first ladies. Almost any picture we’ve ever seen of any first
family shows the first lady listening and reacting to the president.
First ladies are almost never seen looking anywhere else when
their husbands are speaking. Sometimes we’re troubled that they
seem to look too adoringly at their husbands, but even if it looks
staged, it helps keep the audience’s focus.
Sending signals in conversation
I’ll never forget a moment when a friend met me on the street.
He was totally surprised and seemed really pleased to see me. His
face lit up. His voice sang out, “Hi, Arch. It’s great to see you
again.” It was a wonderful greeting, but in the next instant, he
remembered that he hadn’t been feeling well that morning. His
eyes narrowed, his jaw dropped, and his shoulders drooped. In a
mournful voice, he asked me, “Do I look tired to you?” He certainly
did. He sent the exact signals he meant to send, but they
didn’t seem appropriate.
This is an example of how signals are just as important in oneon-
one communication as in groups.
After all, we’re usually talking to one other person, not a group.
The public or group speaking situation is quite infrequent.
Yet, much too often in one-on-one communication, one person
tells another, “That’s not what you said” or “I don’t remember
you saying that.” In all probability, some of the signals were
wrong and it caused misunderstanding, which then caused miscommunication.
We’re sending signals all the time
Signal-sending and -receiving touches every facet of our lives.
Consider the doctor-patient relationship. It’s called “bedside manner.”
Have you heard people say, “He’s too busy. He doesn’t really
care. I’m just another patient to him”? He probably does care.
After all, the doctor’s job is to “care” for people. Many are simply
Selling with the Right Signals 73
unaware of how to send the signals that say, “I care,” other than
to simply treat the illness.
Think about the signals in the office environment: the bossemployee
relationship and those between colleagues. Think about
the signals in the parent-child and teacher-student relationships.
More often than not, interpersonal problems are caused by misunderstood
signals rather than by misunderstood words.
The words we choose, the way we say them, and the way we
look all have an important bearing on the signals we send. It doesn’t
really matter what we say if it doesn’t reach the person who hears
it the way we intended.
Clothing
In addition to your face and your posture, your clothes send
signals even before you’ve said a word.
The 1990s brought dramatic changes. The dotcom surge, the
Silicon Valley explosion, changed everything in a big way. But,
even though the uniform-of-the-day—blue suit, white shirt, subdued
tie—is over for awhile, certain rules still apply.
The local bank manager is still out of place in cutoff jeans.
An employee of the Department of Agriculture who works in
farm country can’t make it in a three-piece suit carrying a leather
attaché case.
Shirts open to the navel with gold chains hanging down over
the bare chest won’t make it at the brokerage house or IBM.
Let common sense rule
Today there are very few rules. Casual Friday has cloned itself
to include six other days in most places. The guiding principle
is compatibility. Clothing has to blend with the situation and the
audience’s expectations.
My rule is that nothing you do and nothing you wear should
attract unnecessary attention.
Anything that’s noticed about you can destroy your message.
Anything that’s conspicuous will interrupt, interfere with, or
cancel out your communication.
You want the audience to leave with your message, not the
memory of a mustard stain on your shirt.
74 How to Sell Yourself
Mark Twain said, “Clothes make the man. Naked people have
little or no influence on society.” Well, neither do inappropriately
dressed people. Clothes should fit well, look comfortable, and be
appropriate for the occasion.
I also think you’re at your best when you feel comfortable in
what you’re wearing. I don’t function as well in a heavily starched
shirt collar, so I don’t wear starched shirts. Do what works for you.
I remember the book Dress for Success had a warning to business
people that brown was out—until Ronald Reagan appeared
regularly in brown suits. He looked terrific, and brown made a
triumphant return. The colors you choose should look good and
help you feel good about yourself.
I like leaving the question of the buttoning of the jacket to you
and your comfort factor. I hate watching the politician get up,
start to walk to the microphone and automatically button the jacket.
It looks robotic. Here again, whatever works best for you is usually
easiest on the eye.
Looking good while seated
When you’re sitting, it’s usually best to leave the jacket unbuttoned.
Television anchors are about the only ones who look
like their clothes were tailored for the sitting position. Most of us
wind up looking like we left the hanger in the jacket when we put
it on that morning. Seated, the jacket tends to crawl up in back
and the top of the jacket winds up a couple of inches above the
shirt collar. It looks sloppy.
The film Broadcast News had a wonderful scene showing how
the tail of the jacket is pulled down and sat on to keep the collar
from traveling up.
Bare skin will get all the attention
Bare skin that isn’t supposed to be bare is distracting. Bare
skin is for the beach. We should never see more than we ought to
see from the speaker in any professional situation.
For men, I advise long-sleeved shirts and over-the-calf socks.
When short-sleeved shirts are appropriate, it’s probably also
appropriate to shed the jacket, but a lot of bare arm under the
jacket sleeve looks underdressed, if not undressed. The same goes
for socks. We don’t want to see the skin under the trouser leg.
Selling with the Right Signals 75
Women should wear blouses
buttoned high; at least above the
line where the cleavage begins,
and in public appearances, no slit
skirts or mini-skirts, please. The
people in your audience
shouldn’t be encouraged to take
physical inventory when they
should be concentrating on your
message.
If the room is likely to be
overheated, take off your jacket
or sweater before you enter the
room. There’s something suggestive
of a stripper when you
take off clothes in public. The
act of removing clothes also
tends to highlight the curves of
the form and that always calls attention.
Dress up, not down.
Jewelry
The same rules apply to jewelry. In social situations, almost
anything goes, but when you’re in the spotlight, your audience
shouldn’t be aware of your jewelry. Anything that catches the eye
(or the ear for that matter) tends to distract and make it harder
for the audience to stay with the message. Your jewelry should be
subdued for professional or presentation situations.
Some women don’t realize that dangling earrings move with
even the slightest head movement. The object in motion captures
the eyes and, fascinated by the side-to-side, hypnotic movement
of earrings, the audience loses sight of what the speaker is saying.
Because we watch the object in motion, the only really appropriate
moves are speaker moves—gestures and steps taken to vary
the physical position. These should be varied, natural, appropriate,
and genuine so the audience isn’t aware of them.
Also, keep in mind that heavy, expensive-looking, glittery, or
ostentatious jewelry that may be appropriate in the social setting
won’t work on the platform.
Bare skin is a no-no.
It stops the message cold.
76 How to Sell Yourself
As a general rule, no audience wants to be aware of how expensively
or ornately you’re dressed or bejeweled. It can be a huge
turnoff. Take the following story, for example.
A group of people were attending a training session to prepare
them to present an appeal to a foundation for funding. They
were looking for a grant of several million dollars to help people
restore homes in run-down neighborhoods. It would be a model
program and was a truly worthwhile request.
The sponsoring organization felt that it would be most effective
to have the appeal made by “real people”—neighborhood residents
and business owners—rather than by bureaucrats. It was a
brilliant concept. Who better to plead the case than the people
whose lives would be improved by the grant? These were the people
who were involved, interested, and filled with passion for the
project.
As the training progressed, I noticed that one of the women
was wearing a set of gold bracelets that went from her wrist to her
elbow. I suggested that she remove them for the presentation. She
shot me a withering look and said, “These bracelets never leave
my arm.” I’m not sure that was one of the contributing reasons
why the grant was denied, but the moral of the story is:
Blatant jewelry displays should be reserved for the people who
make it part of their mystique, such as movie celebrities parading
for the cameras on Oscar night.
Don’t make it hard for yourself
Again, communication means moving what’s in your mind easily
and directly into the mind of the recipient. Anything that gets in
the way of that movement, the intellectual and emotional movement,
tends to destroy the communication. The person in the audience
who isn’t aware of what you’re wearing, how you’re standing
or sitting, or what you’re doing is free to concentrate on what
you’re saying.
All the signals you send should be communication signals, not
personal ones. Allow your audience to get what you intend it to
get—what’s on your mind.
Selling Yourself As a Speaker 77
6
Selling Yourself As a Speaker
C 77 c
THERE ARE THREE factors to consider in any speaking situation:
• The logistics.
• What to do.
• How to do it.
Many people waste an enormous amount of time and energy
on negative thoughts, such as:
• I never should have agreed to do it.
• I’m going to bomb.
• I’ll never have enough time to prepare.
• I won’t be able to come up with a decent idea.
• If I keep doing this, I’ll shorten my life by 20 years.
• I wonder if I can cancel.
• I’m not going to be able to sleep.
Stop it!
All you are doing is building a wall between you and a really
good presentation.
The logistics
Here are some of the questions you need to ask your host and
yourself:
• Why me?
• What do you want me to talk about? (But be prepared
for a response of “anything you want.”)
78 How to Sell Yourself
• Who’s my audience?
• How do I fit in into the rest of the program? Is there an
overall theme to the meeting?
• Where and when will I speak?
• Who is my contact when I have questions about time,
room set-up, arrival, transportation, and ground rules?
• How much time have you set aside for me? Will you
consider less time?
Finalize these arrangements before accepting the assignment
and before sitting down to write word one.
Why me?
What do I know—or what do they think I know—that will
enlighten the audience? You may not have an international reputation,
but you were invited to speak. Find out why they invited
you. It may suggest an innovative introduction or even suggest a
topic if they don’t care about your topic.
What do they want me to talk about?
The importance of the topic should be obvious from the start.
If they want you to talk about international terrorism and you
know nothing about it, obviously you’re not the right speaker for
them. Don’t agree to speak. That should be a no-brainer, but some
very bright people have made the mistake of agreeing to speak
before finding out if there was a specific assignment in mind.
A friend of mine (one of the best speakers I’ve ever worked
with) was asked by her local chamber of commerce to appear on a
program. She’s a successful entrepreneur and was prepared to
speak on many subjects involved in starting and building a business.
It was too late when she found out that they were doing a
series on employee benefits. That wasn’t her area of expertise. In
fact, it wasn’t a subject that even interested her. Someone else, an
extremely capable person, handled that area for her company.
She should have sent that other person, but she went and admitted
later that it was a mistake.
Selling Yourself As a Speaker 79
Who’s the audience?
No matter what the subject is, you have to know who the audience
is. If there’s no specified topic, it’s even more important.
The makeup of the audience may inspire a subject.
Do they have a common interest?
Do they represent a single profession?
I often sit through a presentation that precedes one of mine.
One time the presenter was a “motivational” speaker and was
firing up the audience with a “gung-ho—go get ’em” message. Then
he told them their job was to get out there and destroy the competition.
The problem was that his audience was all staff of a public
utility. They had no competition. Once the audience realized they
were listening to a “canned” speech being delivered for the 500th
time and that the speaker didn’t take the trouble to tailor the
message to them, they turned him off.
Make sure your message has something special for this audience:
a new perspective, an innovation—something that adds to
their body of knowledge or understanding—something that gives
them an incentive to listen to you.
How and where do I fit?
Are you the only speaker?
Is there a marching band playing walk-in music and then the
national anthem before you come on?
Are you the third of four speakers?
Will the program chair keep all the speakers on schedule?
Who are the other speakers, and what are their topics?
What’s on the agenda before your talk (a luncheon), during
your talk (will waiters be clearing tables), after your talk (questions)?
Who’s introducing you?
What kind of introduction will it be?
You may not be able to get all the answers on the first call, but
keep asking. The better your information, the better your chances
of making a strong, relevant, effective presentation.
80 How to Sell Yourself
Is there a theme?
A lot of meetings and conventions are given “grabber” titles.
Make a special effort to include that title and relevant information
inside your message.
Where and when will I speak?
The site is very important. If you’ve spoken in this room or
auditorium a lot, you’ll feel almost as comfortable as you are in
your living room. If it’s on the 50-yard line at the Super Bowl game,
you’re on foreign soil. You always should consider an on-site rehearsal
and always, always check your equipment beforehand.
Who’s my contact?
This can often be the most important question you ask. There
is no one who can make you look better or worse than the meeting
planner, and nothing is more frustrating than having a problem
and not knowing who can help. Things are bound to come up that
weren’t anticipated. Find out right away who’s assigned to “hold
your hand.”
My rule is simple: If the audience doesn’t know you have a
problem, you don’t have a problem.
How much time do I have?
People who book speakers often want the most time they can
get. For them, it becomes a matter of quantity instead of quality.
Above all, you must never lose sight of the audience and remember
the old vaudeville adage: Always leave them wanting more.
They should feel sorry, not relieved, that it’s over.
Other points to consider
The physical set-up
• The size and shape of the room.
• The location of the audience in relation to you, the
speaker.
• Will the room be set theater style, classroom style, or at
round tables?
• The location and quality of the microphones.
TEAMFLY
Selling Yourself As a Speaker 81
• The height of the lectern. (Short people shouldn’t
hesitate to ask for a solid box to stand on.)
• The setting of the stage: head table, lots of gadgetry and
equipment for other speakers’ visuals.
• The lighting in relation to your ability to see your text,
outline, or notes.
• Don’t leave any room for surprises.
The occasion
If you’re expected to be hilarious (a roast) or touching (a
memorial service), you’d better know about it in advance. This
may seem ridiculous and far-fetched, but I know people who were
shocked to realize at the last minute that the remarks they had
prepared were totally inappropriate for the situation.
The format
Pick what works best for you. You can choose to speak from
a prepared text, an outline, notes, or nothing. I urge you to pick
what works best for you. But whatever format you choose, start
by preparing a text. It will help a lot. It gives you the chance to
look at it, change it, shape it, give it form, and practice it. And
remember, it isn’t beyond belief that someone will ask you for a
copy of your speech.
The length
When you like your text a lot, cut it by a third. Keep it short
and simple. Today’s attention span is limited.
The style
Write conversational sentences. Great literature rarely makes
great speeches. And keep in mind that speeches are meant to be
spoken, not read. That may sound foolish, but I assure you it
isn’t. Take a look at a book of great speeches and see how false
many of the words sound when you say them out loud.
Preparing and delivering your words
Write for the ear!
Make sure the words sound like you in animated conversation.
Get rid of jargon, “governmentese,” legalese, insider language,
82 How to Sell Yourself
and acronyms. Look at a section of the Federal Register (the publication
that transcribes the speeches delivered on the floor of
Congress) and you’ll get a lesson in how not to write a speech.
“It is incumbent upon us to ensure that the obfuscatory nature
of formal discourse be dispensed with in the most propitious
manner.” This quote really says, “Simplify your language.” It’s
amazing how many of us make the mistake of trying to impress an
audience with our brilliance while forgetting to express ourselves
clearly, simply, briefly, and unforgettably.
How about this one:
“Serving as a panelist with the other past presidents of
the (association name) is indeed a pleasure and a rare
opportunity. It is hard to believe that a 10-year span of time
has passed since our first session. What perspectives the
various past presidents have brought to the hundreds of
people who have attended our sessions through the years!”
I’m sure that those words felt perfectly natural to the person
writing them as he was putting them on paper, but they certainly
don’t “talk like conversation.” If you don’t edit the garbage of “a 10-
year span of time” to “10 years,” you’ll trip over your words at the
lectern, and worse, you’ll run the risk of sounding like a windbag. And
remember: Nobody loves a windbag—not even another windbag.
Do yourself and your audience a favor. Convert flowery language
into simple, everyday conversation:
“I can’t believe it’s been 10 years since our first session!
It’s great to serve here with the other past presidents.
Each has brought a unique perspective.”
Short sentences are winners
On the podium, long sentences will get you in trouble. They’ll
force you to look at your text and read when you should be looking
at your audience and talking.
I’ve seen speech texts with sentences of 60 words and up.
Let’s look at one with a mere 28:
“Those costs and the inconvenience to airline passengers
can be reduced substantially, but fundamental
changes in the funding and management of our air traffic
control system are required.”
Selling Yourself As a Speaker 83
Sentences such as that can be edited and reconstructed into shorter,
more dynamic, easier-to-deliver sentences. The audience might even
go away remembering the message if it was perceived this way:
“We could cut those costs. We could reduce the inconvenience
to the passengers. But we’d have to make
some changes, basic changes, in the way we fund and
manage air traffic control.”
Simple language is a winner
A talk that uses simple language is easy to give; it’s easy to
follow; and it’s easy to understand. An audience that stops to think
about definitions, grammar, syntax, and vague imagery invariably
falls behind the speaker and loses the next thought.
Forget statistics. Lists of numbers belong in telephone directories.
Your job is to talk in unforgettable terms: stories, anecdotes,
examples, and figures of speech that will paint word pictures
for them and help them understand instantly. I call it “becoming
your own best visual aid.” People relate to you when you’re
using these “unforgettables.”
In one of my workshops, a participant delivered this
humdinger as the training began:
“Proposals submitted by offerors in response to the
agency’s RFP HSCS-6 for an information management
system were examined by the agency evaluation team in
order to determine that 100 percent of the mandatory requirements,
considered paramount to the adequate function
of the system to fulfill basic agency needs, had been
met; and secondly to estimate the offerors’ ability to meet
the evaluated optional features, as were set forth in the
above mentioned RFP. It was determined by the evaluation
team, using the stated evaluation guidelines, that XYZ
Corporation (he named the company) was not in a position
to provide the important, if not mandatory, evaluated
optional features.”
After training, he changed it to:
“Buying a computer system isn’t that different from
buying a car. First, you go to a few dealers and look at
their cars. Then, you check the options you want.
84 How to Sell Yourself
Yes, XYZ Corporation did meet the mandatory requirements.
Yes, their car had four wheels, an engine, and
a steering wheel, but it didn’t have windshield wipers and
the doors didn’t lock!”
You have more stories to share than you realize. It’s the surest
way to deliver a memorable speech.
An audience usually remembers well-told, relevant stories
about people similar to themselves, as long as the stories amplify
the point. Politicians are in love with stories about Lincoln,
Jefferson, and Kennedy. If they’re appropriate and told well, they
work. If they aren’t, they’re corny and they backfire.
Never make a speech again
Talk, converse, chat with a group of people. All spoken communication
should be rooted in conversation.
If you need a role model, try Winston Churchill. He can teach
you a lot about true eloquence.
We shall not flag or fail.
We shall go on to the end.
We shall fight in France.
We shall fight on the seas and oceans.
We shall fight with growing confidence and growing
strength in the air.
We shall defend our island whatever the cost may be.
We shall fight on the beaches.
We shall fight in the fields, and on the streets.
We shall fight in the hills.
We shall never surrender.
That’s the way to write a speech.
Clear.
Concise.
Conversational.
And remember: If you don’t have the time or knowledge to do
a decent job, don’t accept the speaking assignment.
If you agree to speak, prepare.
Your audience deserves your best shot.
Selling Yourself As a Speaker 85
Adapt your speech to the time of day
You already know you should keep your speech short and
simple because an audience’s attention span is limited. You should
also determine the length based on the time of day you’ll deliver
your talk.
A very good rule of thumb is: The later the hour, the shorter
the material.
Most people in the real world are up at 6 or 7 a.m. They work
all day. They attend meetings. They work on numerous projects.
Their energy and concentration levels are running low as evening
approaches. If you’re speaking in the early evening or after dinner,
limit your speech to 10 or 15 minutes and try to give it plenty
of energy.
What about making a speech in the morning? You’ll have an
audience that’s fresh and energetic, so you can probably hold their
attention for 30 minutes if you’re dynamic.
Luncheon programs are still another thing. People are usually
satiated and relaxed after a luncheon and are not as willing to
listen to a speaker as at other times. It’s usually best to keep your
speech to a maximum of 20 minutes. They’ll thank you for being
considerate. You can’t lose if you strictly limit yourself.
If possible, consider adding a question-and-answer period to
luncheon or dinner speeches. This pumps some energy into your
talk and gives the audience an opportunity to interact. Of course,
some subjects and some rooms are not appropriate for questionand-
answer sessions. You must judge that in advance.
Be prompt
Always start on time. Why punish those people who made it a
point to be punctual? If a break is scheduled, do your best to
break promptly and resume on time. Breaks are dangerous because
the refreshments and social atmosphere are terribly tempting.
Ask your host or your staff to start rounding up your audience
a couple of minutes before you’re scheduled to continue.
The rhythm of eye contact
In Chapter 2 I spoke about eye contact involving situations
that were predominantly one on one. For platform presentation
86 How to Sell Yourself
I’ve developed a technique
I call “the
rhythm of eye contact.”
It’s a sure-fire
way to connect with
the audience.
Your mouth should
never be moving while
your eyes are looking
down at your text or
notes, when your eyes
are focused on a projected
visual aid, or
when you’re looking at
any inanimate object.
It’s remarkable
how effective you’ll
become when you look
at your audience as
you dramatically deliver
your idea. In fact,
it’s the reason technology
has developed the
TelePrompTer. It’s a
device to help a presenter
deliver every word directly
to the camera. This is accomplished
because the text of the speech rolls
by on a screen between the speaker
and the camera lens.
The more eye contact, the less
aware the audience is of the text and
the more likely it is to get the message.
Remember the four possible
ways to prepare:
• Manuscript.
• Outline.
...or up...
...or on any inanimate object.
Your mouth should never be moving when your
eyes are down...
Selling Yourself As a Speaker 87
• Notes.
• Nothing.
The manuscript is the most difficult
to deliver well. If you can
learn the rhythm of eye contact for
a manuscript speech, you’ll improve
the delivery of speeches prepared
with any other method. So
we’ll concentrate on learning how
to maintain eye contact while delivering
the toughest speech of all.
The first rule is: Your mouth
shouldn’t be moving while your
eyes are looking at anything
but your audience.
The second rule follows
logically: Write
short sentences. The
longest sentence should
cover no more than two
lines of type.
Use a large font. The
type should be big. Use
periods. Substitute periods
for other punctuation.
I’m not saying you
must write only simple
sentences. I’m saying you should simplify your sentences.
Here are some other useful tips for preparing your text.
• Leave an extra-wide left-hand margin.
• Double space your lines and triple or quadruple space your
paragraphs. In fact, make every sentence a new paragraph
and indent.
• Don’t carry a sentence over to the next page. In other
words, every page should end with a period.
• Leave a high bottom margin.
• Cut off the text about two-thirds of the way down the page.
“How long do I have to continue
to talk to these people?”
Talking to slides or a PowerPoint presentation
should be a felony.
88 How to Sell Yourself
Using the preceding two paragraphs
as an example, here’s how I
recommend putting your text on
paper. If it looks like this, you’ll be
making your job a lot easier.
• Write short sentences.
• The longest sentence
should cover no more
than two lines of type.
• Use large type.
• Use periods.
• Substitute periods for
other punctuation.
Again, I’m not saying you must write simple sentences.
I’m saying simplify your sentences.
Now let’s try that text using the rhythm of eye contact. Look
at the audience as you deliver each sentence from the text. Pause
and look down when you come to each period. See what the next
idea is. Then look up and deliver that thought. When you’ve completely
finished the thought to the audience, pause again. Look
down in silence. When the next thought is firmly in your mind,
look up. Don’t start until you’re looking at someone, and then
deliver the whole idea to the audience.
Here goes: Say the emphasized sentences to the audience. Use
the italicized text to look down and get the next thought.
• Write short sentences.
Pause. Look down. See the next thought. Now look up
and say:
• No sentence should cover more than two lines of type.
Pause. Look down. Pick up the next sentence. Look up
and say:
• Use periods.
Pause. Don’t say anything until you’re ready to look up
and say:
• Substitute periods for other punctuation.
Pause. Look down. See what you’re going to say next.
What on earth am I doing here?
Selling Yourself As a Speaker 89
Then look up and say:
• I’m not saying you must write simple sentences.
Pause. Look down. Look up and say:
• I’m saying simplify your sentences.
I’m sure it doesn’t seem natural to you yet. It feels forced.
Practice, practice, practice!
Go back and try it again a couple of times. See if it doesn’t
start to feel better.
Keep trying it. In fact, try it out on a friend. Notice that
each time you do it, it gets a bit smoother. It flows a little easier.
Each time is a rehearsal. It will flow even better and faster
when the thoughts are your thoughts instead of mine. Whatever
you do, don’t get discouraged. It’s taken the best speakers
I’ve trained time to get used to this technique. It’s new. It’s
strange. But it works.
Here’s another series of sentences I’d like you to try in order
to get the hang of it.
• Your mouth should never move when your
eyes are down.
Pause. Look down. Look up and say:
• That’s a 10-word sentence.
Pause. Look down. Look up and say:
• It’s not necessary to look at the page.
Pause. Look down. Look up and say:
• You can pause.
Pause. Look down. Look up and say:
• Then you look down.
Pause. Look down. Look up and say:
• The next sentence is short.
Pause. Look down. Look up and say:
• So you can speak the thoughts to the audience.
Pause. Look down. Look up and say:
• Instead of reading to the page.
90 How to Sell Yourself
Speaking situations encountered
throughout your career
Introducing a speaker
Most executives will eventually have to introduce a speaker.
Although not the most difficult of speaking tasks, it still requires
a certain amount of skill.
Most people make the classic mistake of reading the speaker’s
biography verbatim, just the way they received it in the mail. You
already know that you shouldn’t read anything. Now I’m here to
tell you that in this situation, you shouldn’t recite statistics—educational,
professional, or personal—from a resumé.
It’s boring and ineffective.
The savvy person will request a biography well in advance.
He’ll then do one of two things. If the speaker is well known, he’ll
go to the nearest library and do a little research. He’ll look for
interesting tidbits the audience would like to know about the
speaker.
If the speaker is not well known, he’ll call or write him and
conduct an informal interview to gather the same information. A
person who introduces a speaker with bits of information relevant
to the topic of the speech will start the session off on the right
foot.
As for the resumé itself, select the highlights of the speaker’s
career, particularly those highlights that relate specifically to the
interests of the audience.
• Be selective. The audience doesn’t need to know every
detail of the speaker’s educational and professional
background.
• Be brief.
• Give highlights.
• Make the audience want to hear the speaker you’re
introducing.
Keep in mind that personalized stories make the best introduction—
especially personalized stories that relate in some way to the
talk the audience is waiting to hear. They’ll mean a lot more than a
list of degrees, professional credits, and other accomplishments.
TEAMFLY
Selling Yourself As a Speaker 91
It’s easier to tell an audience a story than it is to read from a
list.
If you don’t have a personal story to tell, why not tell the
audience why you selected the speaker or why you’re proud to
have him at your meeting?
Again, keep it brief.
A 10-minute introduction of any kind will turn virtues into
vices. You’ll turn the audience off before the speaker has a chance
to utter a word.
Knowing what you now know about the deadly “resumé introduction,”
and knowing that most people don’t know how to make
an effective introduction, why not write one for yourself? When
you’re asked to send a biography for introduction purposes, send
your far more interesting version. I know your audience will appreciate
it. Maybe, together, we can start an introduction revolution.
Finally, end every introduction with the speaker’s name. Make
certain you articulate clearly and, please, pronounce the name
correctly.
Serving on a panel
You’re serving on a panel. Or—even better—you’re going to
moderate a panel. Again, there are specifics that you must remember
to effectively communicate with your audience.
First, never forget, even for a minute, that you’re part of a group.
Don’t cut yourself short, but don’t hog the spotlight either.
Second, keep your remarks noteworthy but concise. You don’t
have the flexibility you have when you’re alone at the podium.
You have to edit yourself.
You can’t tell an audience everything in a few minutes. Just
give the most basic, fundamental information. Skilled speakers
can improvise on-site. You shouldn’t take the chance. Edit in advance.
Then, rehearse in front of a mirror. If you have time, practice
with a colleague or a friend.
There are a number of other pointers that you’ll want to
remember:
• Make eye contact. Always look at the person to whom
you’re speaking.
92 How to Sell Yourself
• If you’re moderating, making introductions, or talking to
the audience, look at the audience.
• If you’re talking to or about the panelist, look at that person
and gesture in his direction.
• If someone else is talking, look at him. Don’t project the
feeling of boredom or frustration when someone else is
talking.
• Don’t let your eyes wander.
• Listen intently. You may want to react to comments and
statements made by other speakers.
• Keep a pencil and paper handy so you can jot down ideas
or thoughts you want to bring up later in the discussion.
• A problem can arise when another panelist continually interrupts
you just as you’re about to make your point. Try
to avoid that situation altogether by making your point
quickly and concisely. But if that doesn’t work, try saying
something such as, “I know they want to hear this or they
wouldn’t have invited me here,” and then finish up as
quickly as possible.
• Don’t hog the program, but don’t be a patsy either.
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 93
7
Selling Yourself in Confrontation
and Media Interviews
C 93 c
IT’S AMAZING HOW confrontational we are.
Confrontation has become increasingly prevalent in communication.
It often replaces civilized dialogue. People with opposing
views start shouting, arguing, and going through the verbal
equivalent of a fistfight. Unfortunately, there’s no escape.
Every day we get to see the media practicing its version of
“investigative journalism.” We’re constantly watching reporters
play “gotcha” with politicians, business leaders, healthcare professionals,
and clergy. No one is immune from the treatment. If
you woke up this morning, you’re fair game. In fact, not even the
coffin excuses you from the treatment.
More and more, we’re subjected to a right-leaning TV analyst
facing off against a left-leaning colleague. They’re really close
friends, but arguments build ratings, so they yell and scream at
each other for half an hour, then go out and enjoy dinner together.
The aura they create is that incivility is acceptable. Just as
violence in film and television often inspires copycat acts, so, too,
do tabloid television and hate radio.
The “me” syndrome
We watch otherwise decent people behaving as though the world
belongs to them. You’ve seen the person whose flight was cancelled
screaming at the gate agent. Or the person at the checkout counter,
yelling at the store clerk. Or the parent of the little leaguer who
thinks the coach made a colossal mistake and disapproves in an
94 How to Sell Yourself
obnoxious way. The scenarios are endless and constant. And this
doesn’t even include road rage.
This selfish, rude, thoughtless, and inconsiderate “me first”
mindset leads us right into imitating media role models. We structure
our statements and questions exactly the way we’ve seen the
tabloid interviewers do it. Without even being aware of it, we adopt
what I call “the architecture of confrontation”:
• A negative assumption.
• An accusation of wrongdoing.
• A buzzword or buzzwords.
A member of Congress showing off for television cameras in
order to make the evening news doesn’t ask the chemical company
executive, “What actions are you taking to clean up the
environment?” but rather, “Why are you poisoning our air and
water?”
Accusations and confrontation
Sound familiar? It should. It’s what we’re exposed to every
day: people looking not for information, but trying to expose a
scandal or trying to help someone else look bad. Sadly, many of us
have picked up the technique.
Otherwise decent people, mild-mannered folks, gentle souls
become monsters in the public forum. More and more we’re becoming
a society of inquisitors and crucifiers rather than debaters
and discussers. There was a time when civilized people could talk
about sensitive subjects such as politics, religion, education, abortion,
guns, and taxation. Now we’re accusers, yellers, screamers,
and arguers.
If you don’t want confrontation, talk about the weather.
It’s uncomfortable to be around confrontation, whether as a
participant or an observer. When two people are shouting at each
other, seemingly refusing to hear (or I should say listen to) the
other point of view, we’re embarrassed. This is true even if one of
the screamers is representing a view we share.
We’ve become so used to the offensive technique of the loaded
question that we use it ourselves. More often then not, we don’t
even realize we’re doing exactly what we dislike when others do it.
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 95
Everyday situations become confrontational, as we’re intimidated
by the reporter, the attorney, the public official, the colleague,
the neighbor, and, worst of all, the family member. The
end result is that we dread being involved in any situation that
may evolve into a confrontation. It doesn’t have to be that way.
We don’t have to get angry, defensive, shout back, and fall apart.
The confrontation bomb
I remember my first Parent Teacher Association experience.
The school board had just closed a school in town. We’ll call it
“School #3.” At the meeting to announce the closing, the first
question came from a neighbor of mine. He was a very pleasant
person, but closing his neighborhood school was a real personal
affront. His question should have been, “Why did you close School
#3?”
Instead, using the architecture of confrontation, he shouted,
“Why are you ruining our schools?” The untrained board chairman
yelled back, “We’re not ruining the schools.” So began the
shouting match. It was a true “lose-lose” situation.
Defusing confrontation
I started out in this area of communication training at the
U.S. Chamber of Commerce, helping business and association
executives become aware of the techniques used by the reporter
whose goal was to make a story rather than report one. I focused
on the communication skills that would help them beat the reporters
at their own game. Then I realized that the same techniques
could be used to defuse all public demonstrations of arrogance,
rudeness, intimidation, confrontation, and heckling. I studied
the methods used by reporters and confronters and the techniques
that could defeat them. Those techniques are easy to learn,
and you can use them anytime someone wants to make you look
bad.
How people respond to you
First, let’s review some key points from Chapter 1:
There are four ways people can judge you when they’re seeing
you for the first time:
96 How to Sell Yourself
• They can like you.
• They can dislike you.
• They can be neutral to you (not leaning one way or the
other).
• They can feel sorry for you.
Your goal should be to communicate to the audience, not to
the confronter; the best way to accomplish that is to be liked.
Second, almost always there are three points of view represented
in an audience when the subject is controversial, volatile,
and emotional.
Some of the people already share your point of view. Forget
them.
Some have already made up their minds on the other side of
the issue. Forget them.
Remember: The object of your communication should always
be the people whose minds are not yet made up.
They haven’t decided.
That’s how elections are won.
It’s how court cases are decided.
I don’t have to tell you that one undecided juror can control
the outcome of the trial.
In the Bush-Gore election, a few thousand wavering voters
could have changed the outcome.
Take the abortion issue, for example. No one fervently debating
the issue, whether brilliant or terrible, is going to change another
person’s point of view on one of the most divisive subject of
our time. The winner of that debate will be the person who most
appeals to the undecided in the audience. The good debater can’t
possibly win over the people of the other side. The awful debater
can’t possibly lose the people who share his or her ideology. So
your goal is always to be liked by the uncommitted.
That’s the objective, and it establishes a brand-new set of
ground rules in a confrontational situation. These new rules are:
• Pause. Think before you speak.
• Stay calm and reasonable.
• Don’t get angry. Keep control of your temper.
• Refuse to take the attack personally.
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 97
• Be positive.
• Give information rather than denials.
• Be explanatory. Don’t succumb to the temptation to argue.
• Take lots of time. Let your opponent rush, shout, or run
off at the mouth, argue, yell, and scream. By taking your
time, you’ll infuriate him or her even further and make
your opponent appear irrational to the audience you’re
trying to win.
• Be the voice of reason.
• Be the good guy, Mr. or Ms. Nice.
• Make intellectual love to your audience.
How do you do all this?
I can hear you saying, “That’s easy for you to say.” Well, there
are certain techniques that I’ve found that really work. You’ve
learned how important it is to please the audience with your face,
your body, and your voice. But even if you’re doing everything
right, there may be some members of your audience you cannot
please. Obviously, the hostile questions or the confrontational
remarks are not going to come from you supporters. Those who
have not yet made up their minds will usually remain silent. So,
you have to learn how to handle your adversaries. And here are
the techniques you can use to do that.
Remember to pause
The most important technique is the pause. It’s also the hardest
to accomplish in taking control of what might otherwise be an
uncontrollable situation.
We naturally react and want to react quickly—don’t. It’s unnatural
to stop and think before we speak. In fact, it’s so unnatural
that we’ve developed a whole vocabulary of spoken pauses—
audible pauses—pauses filled with the strange extraneous sounds
I talked about in some detail in Chapter 2:
• “Uh.”
• “Ya know.”
• “Like.”
• “And so.”
• “Know what I mean?”
98 How to Sell Yourself
Sometimes we use garbage fillers, phrases, and sentences. I’m
tired of “so to speak,” “if you will,” “as it were, “at this point in
time,” and “in a manner of speaking.” John F. Kennedy had, “Let
me say this about that.” Richard M. Nixon’s classic was, “Let me
make one thing perfectly clear.” Some others we hear all the time:
• “I’m glad you asked me that question.”
• “To be perfectly honest (or frank).”
• “To tell you the truth.” (Have you been lying so far?)
You can probably add several more, but you get the idea.
They’re spoken attempts to get the mind in gear. Instead, stop
and think.
• Don’t move your mouth until your mind is in “Drive.”
• Don’t start in “Park.”
• Don’t start in “Reverse.”
• Don’t start in “Neutral.”
Wait until you’re ready to move forward.
It’s difficult; it’s even unnatural. But it’s an essential first step.
It avoids the disastrous pitfall:
• Ready.
• Fire.
• Aim.
The “ah...” person who makes “uh...” sounds while “er...” talking
seems unsure, uncertain of where he or she is going, insecure,
and not used to thinking on his feet. The silent pause helps your
audience create a more positive image of you. It also throws your
adversary off balance. Did you hear the question? How are you
going to reply to the hostile remark? And while your adversary is
wondering, you’re thinking, framing your reply. You are in control
of the situation, not your adversary.
Maintain eye contact
The second thing to do as you pause is maintain eye contact
with the person who’s being aggressive, confrontational, intimidating,
or obnoxious. That doesn’t mean staring directly into this
person’s eyes. It means finding a comfortable place on his or her
face and keeping your eyes there. Don’t let your eyes wander.
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 99
As with the audible pause, eye movement tends to make an
audience think “dishonest,” “shifty-eyed,” “untrustworthy,” and
“looking for a way out of a bad situation.” But if you look directly
at your adversary, you will give the impression of being honest,
thoughtful, reasonable, and trustworthy. And once again, your
adversary is thrown off balance, wondering what’s coming next.
He won’t know where to look.
You are in control.
The considered response
I call the pause the digestive of the mind. It will give you valuable
time to frame your answer to a hostile or loaded question. As
you do so, first eliminate the negative, the accusations, and the
buzzwords from the questions. By all means, answer the question
and answer honestly. That’s most important. But don’t give the
questioner what he or she is looking for—don’t repeat buzzwords.
Don’t deny accusations. Don’t tell him he’s wrong or that he
has his facts mixed up.
Even though we do these things quite naturally, believe it or
not, they’re wrong. They’re wrong from the perspective of winning
the audience. Use the pause to translate the question into
what it would have been if it had been asked by a decent human
being. That will help you answer from your perspective.
For example:
• “Why are you killing and maiming?”
Becomes: “Tell me about your company’s safety record.”
• “Why are you ripping off the customer?”
Becomes: “Tell me about your pricing policy.”
• “Why are you cheating our kids out of a decent
education?”
Becomes: “Tell me about the progress the schools are
making.”
• “Why are you promoting a risky tax scheme?”
Becomes: “What does your tax plan do for me?”
Never, never!
Obviously, the untrained will answer:
100 How to Sell Yourself
• “We’re not killing and maiming.”
• “We’re not ripping off the customer.”
• “We’re not cheating the kids.”
• “It’s not a risky tax scheme.”
Don’t be caught in the trap
The confronter has planted a weed. Your job is to pull out the
weed by the roots. But the wrong answer, one that repeats the
buzzword and denies the accusation, waters the weed.
At my first training program for the American Library Association,
I asked a competent young library director, “Why do you
distribute smut?” She was startled and asked, “Smut?” I snarled,
“Smut!” She replied, “We don’t distribute smut.” Many of the
librarians in the audience came up to me afterward and said,
“You’re absolutely right. All I could remember from your time
with her was ‘smut.’”
The lethal buzzword
The power of the buzzword was never more aptly demonstrated
to me than one night while watching a tabloid TV show. It was one
of the many stepchildren of 60 Minutes. The segment I saw was
titled “Killer Trucks.” The script never used the word truck without
the antecedent killer. So, I heard “killer trucks” over and over
again. As they came to the end of the segment, the voice-over
went silent. On came a series of fast-cut photos of trucks that had
demolished other wheeled vehicles: baby carriages, tricycles, wagons,
bicycles, motorcycles, cars, vans, SUVs, other trucks. The
soundtrack was a quiet country musician with guitar accompaniment
singing:
There’s a killer on the road.
There’s a killer on the road.
There’s a killer, killer, killer, killer, killer, killer, killer.
There’s a killer on the road.
The screen went blank. Silence. Episode over.
I’m reluctant to admit it, but the next time I was driving on
the interstate and looked in my rearview mirror and saw an 18-
wheeler coming up fast behind me, I broke into a cold sweat.
TEAMFLY
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 101
Give valuable information
To connect with an audience and get your message across,
your information must be honest, positive, and caring.
Honest
If you make it a practice to tell the truth, to avoid exaggerating
or guessing (remember Al Gore “inventing the Internet” and
a half-dozen other questionable achievements?), you never have
to issue corrections, apologies, or retractions, and you never have
to remember what you said.
Bill Clinton is an excellent communicator, but his entire administration
was hindered and nearly brought down by his seeming
inability to confront the truth.
If you don’t know the answer to a question, say so. But then
volunteer to get the information and get back.
If you don’t understand the question, say so.
If there’s a problem, acknowledge it, and then tell us what
you’re going to do about it.
Positive
Speakers and political candidates who bad-mouth the opposition
(in politics) or the competition (in sales) increasingly turn
off audiences. If you’re the best, you shouldn’t need to put anyone
else down. It’s hard to hear an accusation and not deny it, but
a “what I do” is much stronger than “I don’t.” Try to eliminate
the words do not from you vocabulary.
It works!
In my training session with the president of Volvo North
America, when I got to explaining how to “translate the question
into what it would have been if it were asked by a decent human
being,” he responded enthusiastically, “Arch, you’ve just taught
me how to play a new game. If this were tennis, I could beat
McEnroe.”
A few weeks later he accepted an invitation to appear on the
Today Show. The interviewer did the “gotcha” bit. She said, “Everyone
knows the automobile that’s manufactured today is piece
of junk. Why are you involved in the manufacture and sale of
junk?”
102 How to Sell Yourself
He called me when the show went off the air and chuckled. He
said, “Three weeks ago, I would have angrily said, ‘The Volvo is
not junk.’” With 8 to 12 million people watching, he said, “I’m
proud to be able to tell you that the average life of a Volvo on the
highway in Sweden has reached 19 and a half years. Imagine driving
the car you’re driving today for almost 20 years. And I’m even
prouder of the fact that Volvo has become the standard of safety
for the entire automotive industry.”
He sold cars. I believe he sold more cars than he’d have sold if
Volvo had bought a dozen commercials on the Super Bowl.
Caring
No one succeeds the way a loving communicator does. It’s as
essential an element as breathing. When you care about me, I
care back. So here are a few spoken lead-ins that will serve two
purposes in confrontation and media interviews. They’ll help you
occasionally limit the silent pauses, and they’ll give your statement
a caring opening.
• “I’m sorry you feel that way...”
• “I understand how you could reach that conclusion...”
• “Let me explain what the facts really are...”
• “If I understood your question, what you’re really asking
me is...”
• “I’m proud to be able to tell you...”
Caution. Don’t repeat any of them in a given exchange or you’ll
sound programmed. If they’re not comfortable for you, stay with
the silent pause with constant eye contact. We always feel that the
person who repeats the same lead-in over and over again seems
automated and is the victim of bad coaching.
Bill Clinton was very effective in a debate when he walked to
the edge of the stage and said, “I feel your pain.” That gesture was
hugely successful for him, but then he made the mistake of repeating
it several times in subsequent television appearances. The
repetition destroyed whatever statement followed.
In vice-presidential debates during the 2000 election, I stopped
counting how many times Dick Cheney said, “Governor Bush and
I...” and Joe Lieberman said, “Al Gore and I....” Someone said to
each, “Look, you’re running for #2 on the ticket. Don’t let them
forget who’s #1.”
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 103
And don’t forget, with caring, the silent pause with warm, glowing
eye contact works every time.
Simple, brief, clear, concise,
and easy-to-understand
I spoke about telling your audience only what it needs to know
for you to get your message. The overwhelming instinct to appear
professional has caused many people to develop “losing” speaking
habits. Our role models lead us into the trap of believing that
being pompous pays.
In headquarters, the police officer tells the desk sergeant, “I
caught this guy with cocaine.” Six words say it all.
Outside the station house, the TV reporter says, “Officer, what
happened?” The officer buttons his jacket, clears his throat, places
his voice further back in his throat, and says, “We apprehended
the alleged perpetrator exiting his vehicle in possession of a glassine
container that housed a controlled substance.” Yuck!
Words meant to impress that don’t
We’ve littered our language with garbage words. Some that
come to mind right away:
• Paradigm.
• Infrastructure.
• All the “-ize” words, such as utilize, prioritize,
maximize, optimize.
• Concomitant.
• Concupiscence.
• Acronyms understood only by your profession.
• Plethora.
• Extrapolate.
• Internecine.
• Penultimate.
• Erstwhile.
They’re all part of the misunderstanding that makes people believe
they must impress an audience rather than express themselves.
104 How to Sell Yourself
CIA Director George Tenet negotiated a tricky cease-fire in
the Middle East in June, 2001.
One member of the negotiating team, General Eiland, attributed
the success of the mission this way: “Tenet said the clearest
possible things and used simple clear words.”
Winston Churchill summed it up with, “Short words are the
best, and short words when old are best of all.”
When we’re trying to figure out what you mean, we’re missing
your next thought. Don’t try to tell us everything you know. We
don’t want to know everything you know.
The Washington word game
This game pops up from time to time in newspapers and magazines
and makes my point for me.
You’re to select one word from each of the three columns and
put together a perfectly governmentese phrase. The more words
you use, the less likely you are to say anything meaningful while
still managing to sound important. Try any combination of one
word from each column.
The Washington Word Game
Column A Column B Column C
indigenous environmental overkill
comprehensive neutral pollution
fragmentary concomitant interface
interplanetary philosophical replication
internecine totalitarian exacerbation
collective demagogic dialectic
bureaucratic proactive evaluation
portentous demonstrative resonance
didactic hedonistic fallacy
pedantic antediluvian methodology
ultimate gustatory phalanx
incorrigible retrogressive dyslexia
corporeal pragmatic monasticism
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 105
Memorable
The key is getting your message across in such an effective
way that your audience will remember it.
You can be memorable in a good way or a bad way.
Guess which one I recommend.
Disastrously memorable
I was in the audience at a breakfast meeting at the U.S.
Chamber of Commerce. The audience was made up of business
leaders, lobbyists, association executives, legislators, and professionals
in every field. The featured speaker was then-secretary
of the interior, James Watt. In the middle of his talk, he put
on an impish grin and said (I don’t remember the exact words,
but it was something like this): “We have the perfect coalition.
We have a woman, a black, two Jews, and a cripple.” He got a
huge laugh but lost his job.
It was memorable, all right. Unfortunately so.
People are still quoting it years later.
Making a connection
Earlier I said, “Tell them what they want to know.” That means
that to be memorable, you have to connect with them. The best
way to do that is to tell stories. Use anecdotes, personal examples,
paint word pictures using similes and metaphors.
“What have you done for me lately?” will often be one of the
questions you should answer. How will you affect my income, my
future, and my family?
Tell stories
Notice that I said stories; mind you, not jokes. Not smart-alec
comedy. And remember, buzzwords are memorable. You have to
be more memorable in your responses than the buzzword that
was used against you.
As with the other aspects of this training, the memorable answer
isn’t easy to come by. But awareness of the concept and its
importance will help you develop a technique and incorporate it
into your style.
106 How to Sell Yourself
Learn by practicing
Our role models have led us to believe that an audience is
most impressed by generalities, statistics, charts, graphs, numbers,
big words, and pompous pronouncements. They are wrong.
Memorability, like the silent pause and eye contact, can be practiced.
Anywhere. With anyone. You can even practice by watching
TV interviews and paying attention to the answers. See if you
can produce a memorable response. What would you have done
to make a dull answer come alive?
A few years back, a man was arrested for conducting what he
called “eating tours” in a large metropolitan park. For a small fee,
he walked people through the park, cutting samples of edible and
nourishing plants that grew wild in the park and letting the tour
group taste them.
The park police picked him up. He was booked and jailed on
the charge of defacing the park.
A TV reporter saw this on the police blotter and decided to
make mincemeat out of the parks commissioner. He grabbed a
camera crew and raced down to city hall. He caught the parks
commissioner as he was leaving his office.
“Commissioner,” he said, camera rolling, “operating in your
park at this very moment are pimps, prostitutes, cocaine dealers,
crack dealers, heroin dealers, the dregs of society. Yet, your park
police have just arrested a man for making an honest living in the
park. Sir, what kind of thinking is this?”
The parks commissioner thought for a moment, smiled, and
said, “What you don’t understand is he’s not eating in the park...
he’s eating the park.”
Notice the question. There was crime in the park. The police
knew it and worried about it. The reporter’s question spoke to
that concern. The question was loaded with truth, but it was
loaded. It would have been natural for the commissioner to get
defensive about the problem. Instead, he cut through the garbage
in that loaded question and was able to ask himself what
the real question was. He realized that he was asked, “Why did
you allow the man to be arrested?” And that’s the question he
answered.
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 107
Some interesting examples
In the first presidential debate of the 2000 election, George
Bush threw a zinger at Al Gore. He called Gore’s plan “fuzzy
math.” Similar to “I feel your pain,” it was wonderfully effective
the first time, but he repeated it many times in that same debate
and it lost its edge.
Al Gore came back with, “His plan will only benefit the wealthiest
1 percent of Americans.” He repeated it ad nauseum. It wasn’t
even a strong example because the imagery was vague. No one
“saw” the wealthiest 1 percent.
I’m convinced that had Bill Clinton been the debate opponent,
he’d have smiled and said, “Dick Cheney got a 60-million
dollar golden parachute from Halliburton, the oil giant. He’ll get
millions more from your tax breaks. That’s money you’re stealing
from the classroom.”
The audience would respond to that kind of word picture.
One memorable image
I was scheduled to do a training program on a Sunday morning
for the Leadership Conference of the National School Boards
Association. There was a Saturday session they called a “Congress”
and I attended it to learn about the current issues of concern
to school board members.
The topic was standardized testing. Everyone attending was
allowed a few minutes to deliver a prepared statement on the subject.
As with any other controversial subject, there were people in
the room strongly for testing. There were people ardently against
it. And there was a large group that hadn’t made up its mind.
Lots of folks got up, buried their noses into the lectern, and
read—or rather droned—on and on. It was naptime. No one scored
many points for or against testing.
Finally, the chair recognized one man. He walked to the lectern,
took a long pause as his eyes surveyed the room, and he said,
“Folks, you can’t fatten a hog by weighing it.” He nodded, waited
for a reaction to set in, then walked back to his seat and sat down.
A few people started chuckling right away. Then others realized
what had just been said.
108 How to Sell Yourself
Before long the place was rocking. They cheered. Even people
on the other side of the issue were applauding him for his memorableness.
In fact, I was able to use that moment in my training program
the next day. I asked, “What do you remember from yesterday?”
I could have conducted the response as if they were a glee club,
“You can’t fatten a hog by weighing it.” I’m certain it was the
subject of conversation long after the meeting ended.
Why? Because it was:
• Simple.
• Brief.
• Easy to understand.
• Memorable.
And it said it all.
Don’t succumb to sound bites
Each of the examples so far can be called a “sound bite.”
Sound bites are very short and quotable statements.
I believe that the press has become hungry for sound bites
because most people have lost the art of the storyteller. Nothing
works as well as relevant stories told well. When you put an answer
in story form, humanize it, and personalize it, people stop,
pay attention, and remember.
You can’t go wrong if the elements of a story are in your statement.
Even television news shows will make the time for a really
well-told story when it advances the news item.
Don’t feel compelled to answer in five or seven seconds. The
sound bite is an artificial device to make up for the fact that most
of us have succumbed to being dull, uninteresting, and pompous.
When rare political figures that speak memorably and colorfully
come along, they dominate the news. Anecdotes; figures of
speech, both similes and metaphors; personal examples from your
experience or the questioner’s experience; and quotations that fit
perfectly all have the impact of the great story, but they have to be
well told and they must be relevant.
I’ve encouraged many clients to create a story exchange within
the organization. Most of us have great stories of accomplishment
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 109
but we’re either afraid that we’ll sound boastful or we’ve simply
forgotten how much impact stories can have.
Unfortunately, most adults have lost the art of storytelling.
We’ve become so busy making ends meet that we’ve simply gone
stale with stories. Single-parent families and two-working-parent
families don’t realize that they’re shortchanging their kids by failing
to put stories into the youngsters’ lives. The bottom line is
that children don’t get their imaginations tickled, and adults forget
how to tell a good story effectively.
The impact of a good story
Let me share one experience I had. I did a training program
for a joint meeting of the South Carolina School Boards and Administrators.
Everyone in the audience was a board member, a
superintendent, a principal, or an assistant of one. I spent a lot
of time on storytelling. I even had the audience members share
stories that they felt were strong statements about the effectiveness
of the school, success stories that they never would have
thought of using to answer questions about the “failure” of public
schools.
After the program I was driven to the airport by one of the
superintendents. The following is what he shared with me.
“Arch, never stop encouraging adults to use stories. They really
work. Today’s children have been put in front of a television
set. Their imaginations have been ossified. Some of them have
never had a story told to them. My wife is a kindergarten teacher.
Most of the 5-year-olds have never heard a good story told well,
so she’s banished television from her classroom and teaches in
story form.
“To get the children used to learning from stories, she spends
the first couple of school days telling the classic stories. This year
she sat on the floor and assembled the children in four semicircular
rows around her with a small aisle in the middle.
“She opened the school year with, ‘Once upon a time there
was a girl named Red Riding Hood.’ As she spoke, she looked
around the room. All the faces in the room were registering, ‘What
is this garbage?... What’s going on here?’ Then she got to Grandma
and there was a glimmer of recognition. And when she said, ‘big
bad wolf,’ they understood the danger.
110 How to Sell Yourself
“One little boy got really caught up and wiggled his way from
the back to the front as she wound up with, ‘And the wolf ate up
Grandma.’
“That little 5-year-old, eyes big as saucers, looked up at her
and said, ‘That son of a bitch.’”
Stories work.
Pride doesn’t mean arrogance
Most of us grew up with parents and loved ones who constantly
told us, “Don’t brag.” “Don’t be boastful.” “Don’t go
around blowing your own horn.” And so we feel very uncomfortable
calling attention to things we’ve done that we’re proud of.
What we fail to realize is that there can be a tremendous difference
between blowing your own horn and telling an audience
about things you’re proud of having been a part of.
Style and attitude make the difference
Much of the difference is in the style and attitude involved in
the telling. It’s basically the difference between the colossal ego
and the person who’s genuinely humble but proud of having done
really good work. The colossal ego comes on like “Mighty Mouth.”
The words I and Me dominate the communication. The effect
sounds like, “You couldn’t have done it without me. I’m personally
responsible for this triumph.” It’s so much more pleasant to
hear, “I’m proud to be part of this terrific team.” Think about it.
It’s one of the fine lines in all interpersonal communication.
A simple, honest self-appraisal is best
In resumé-writing and job interviews, it’s like walking a tightrope.
How do I make myself look like the best possible applicant
for the job without making myself appear to be the most egotistical
oaf in the world? And remember: Almost every communication
is like a job interview, making a sale, campaigning for elective
office, or making a presentation.
The style and attitude of your pride in yourself, your product, or
your idea are the keys to the audience’s appreciation of you as a
trustworthy, competent, and likable person. Statements such as “I’m
the greatest” can’t work. But no one will object to “I love what I do.
I do it well. And I’m always looking for ways to do it better.”
TEAMFLY
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 111
Here are a few samples of the kind of statements that could be
preceded by, “I’m proud to tell you...” but don’t need those words
spoken because the sentiment is implied.
• “One client (customer) thanked me the other day for....”
• “A resident called to tell me that her life was changed
by....”
• “Several patients said their condition was dramatically
improved after....”
• “We’ve been in business for more than (X) years and a
lot of our original customers are still coming here for....”
• “Members are constantly thanking our staff for....”
There’s got to be a way to tell other people about things you’ve
done that you’re proud of without turning them off or turning
them against you.
Find it.
More about media interviews
You may be interviewed for any number of reasons, such as:
• You’re an expert in your field.
• Your company researchers have just made a wonderful
discovery.
• You were an eyewitness to something newsworthy.
• Your neighbor won the lottery.
• Your colleague was just arrested.
• You support or oppose a controversial move by the city
council, the zoning board, or the school board.
• You were the victim of a consumer scam.
• You’re running for office.
• You just happen to “be there” when someone needs an
interviewee.
It’s truly an endless list, and depending on the reason and the
medium (newspaper, magazine, radio, TV), the choice of site may
be obvious. If the reporter is from a newspaper or magazine, the
interview will usually be in your office, your home, a restaurant,
or in the publication’s office.
112 How to Sell Yourself
Print interviews
A print interview may be the most comfortable for you because
the environment seems relaxed. It will almost always be
conducted sitting down. After all, the interviewer will be taking
notes.
Radio interviews will usually be conducted at the station’s studio
or over the phone.
Each involves two people: the interviewer and the interviewee.
It can be “live” (aired at the time you’re speaking) or taped—and
possibly edited—to be aired later.
Whether it’s print or live, if you have advance knowledge that
it’s going to happen, I urge you to have a small tape recorder
running for your own personal record of what you said.
Television interviews
Television offers almost limitless options concerning site. If a
camera, a microphone, and a reporter can get there, the interview
can happen. The most common situations are:
• In a studio.
• On the street.
• In or outside your office.
• At an event.
• At the scene of a breaking story.
It’s not as casual as it seems.
Most of us are more comfortable on our own turf: our home
or office, but let me remind you that once you factor in all the
equipment and personnel that go into a video interview, there’s
no such thing as “home turf” for you. You’re just not used to
cameras, lights, recorders, cables, and a bunch of people speaking
a foreign language—in this case, “videoese.” You have no idea
how disruptive it can be because the at-home interview looks so
intimate and unobtrusive to the viewer.
It’s not uncommon for the crew to leave behind a mountain of
food and beverage containers; to have rearranged furniture never
make it back into place; and to find cigarette butts everywhere
but in ashtrays.
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 113
And to add insult to injury, the phone and utility bills could
pay for a shuttle launch.
The advantage of the studio interview
The studio is a good site. The lighting is most likely professional
and favorable. There’s usually a make-up person to help
you look your best for television. The interview has probably been
planned so you may know the subject and have an opportunity to
prepare. All these are factors in your favor.
The studio interview will either be one on one or else you’ll
appear as one of the “guests.” Normally, there won’t be a studio
audience. Not so, of course, on the syndicated talk shows, but
those dynamics take care of themselves when you learn all the
techniques of giving a good interview.
A stand-up interview in a studio is rare. You may be asked to
make an entrance or an exit, but you’ll probably always be sitting
for the actual interview. So, in your home, in your office, or in a
studio, you’ll almost certainly be sitting. Most of us are more comfortable,
more at ease, in a chair. But beware. Our posture training
doesn’t always cover sitting, and no two chairs are alike. The
secret is to be able to look comfortable without slouching. If you’re
given a swivel chair, don’t fall into the trap of moving from side to
side or rocking back and forth. Rhythmic movement is monotonous,
hypnotic, and sleep-inducing.
Sitting technique
Keep your knees together. Television technicians call spread
knees “The crotch shot.” You can put your knees and heels together,
or cross your ankles. As I mentioned in Chapter 5, if you
cross your legs, angle the top leg down. The camera should never
see the sole of your shoe. It’s the ugliest part of your clothing, and
the camera will invariably find the gum (or worse) you stepped in
on the way to the studio.
Know where to look
One of the questions I’m asked most often is, “Where do I
look? Should I look at the interviewer or the camera?” You’ll
never go wrong if you look at the person you’re talking to. My
recommendation is never look at the camera unless the host says
something such as, “What would you tell our audience watching
114 How to Sell Yourself
at home?” Begin your answer looking at the person who asked the
question, and then gracefully glide toward the camera. But if you
do that, be certain you know which camera to look at. One of the
worst moments on TV news is when the reporter is looking at the
wrong camera.
The same principle applies to the telephone caller. If you’re
part of a call-in show, the producer, director, or stage manager
will probably brief you before airtime. If no one tells you which
camera represents the caller, ask. If you’re one of a group, as in a
panel, make it a point to look at the moderator or another panelist—
preferably the person who’s speaking. When it’s your turn,
or if you interject, be sure to look at the person you’re talking to,
answering, or interrupting.
When some other panelist is hogging airtime, don’t fall into the
trap of a shouting match. Only a political junkie enjoys the Crossfire,
Capitol Gang school of high-pitched, shrill, “I know better than
you” school of TV performing. If you’re surrounded by these types,
occasionally interject a good-natured comment such as, “Hello
there, remember me?” or “How about another point of view?” An
intelligent audience will wonder why the rude ones are ignoring you
and may even wonder if the others aren’t actually afraid of hearing
what you have to say. I really like it when the speaker responds to
the professional interrupter with, “Let me finish, Joe,” or “Joe, you
had your turn. Now let me have mine.”
When the show includes a studio audience, you have to be
even more careful. The cameras have been arranged to shoot you
from the perspective of the person who’s talking to you. So, your
job is to look at the host, the audience, or the other panelist, whoever
is talking, or the one who invited you to speak. It’s an excellent
rule.
Most of these ground rules apply when an interview is scheduled
for your office. If the crew includes a make-up person, let
that person make you up. If not, you should get a quick lesson in
make-up before the crew is scheduled to arrive and put on the
simplest application.
The stand-up interview
For most of us, the toughest interview to handle is the stand-up
interview. People are not at their best standing up on the street, at
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 115
an event, or at a function. These are tough because they’re almost
always spontaneous. You’ll probably be surprised, maybe even
shocked. You may not be able to disguise the fact that you weren’t
expecting this. You haven’t prepared yourself physically or psychologically
for the interview. You’re just as likely to be thinking,
“Is my hair mussed?” or “Do I look okay?” as “How can I get my
best point across?”
Of course, if you’re standing around a crime scene, an accident
site, or on the courthouse steps during a controversial trial,
you should expect nothing less than a microphone shoved in your
face and a question shouted at you. There’ll be camera crews galore
and if one camera gets pointed at you, all the other reporters
will flock to you thinking the other station has just found an “expert.”
There you are with microphones pointed at you from all
directions.
Several reporters are now shouting questions simultaneously
and all the while demonstrators are chanting their rehearsed
slogans.
People are pushing you.
Sirens are blaring.
Horns are honking and the egomaniacs are crowding you out
to wave at the camera.
The sun is shining right in your eyes. Or, if it’s dark, the TV
lights are. Maybe the weather is rotten, and you’re in physical
discomfort.
The biggest mistake you can make is to assume that you’ll do
okay because you know what you’re talking about. A lot of otherwise
bright folks have been led like lambs to the slaughter because
they felt they could open their mouths and the information would
undoubtedly come out right.
Time and again, I’m amazed by the lack of smarts graphically
demonstrated by public officials, doctors, business executives,
contractors, attorneys, and other intelligent professionals who
agree to appear on television without specific, specialized training.
You’d think they’d have figured out by now that intimidation,
controversy, and confrontation are what keep TV interview shows
on the air.
116 How to Sell Yourself
My final word on the interview site is this:
No matter where you’re interviewed, you’re not likely to feel
completely comfortable. That’s why you’re unlikely to look, sound,
and act like yourself until you learn to do just that even under the
stressful conditions of a reporter with pad, microphone, or camera.
Winning interviews
Here are some pointers in giving a winning interview. All the
concepts are easy to understand, and they’re not easy to do but
they’re universals.
• Prepare: As soon as a group of you understands the skills,
rehearse. Throw the toughest curves you can at one another
and practice, practice, practice. Then you’ll know
what you want to say and how to say it.
• Pause: Stop and think before you speak. A second or two
seems like an eternity to the untrained speaker, but the
audience really welcomes a chance to think about what’s
just been said.
• Remain silent: Keep quiet in the uh...um...ya know... pause.
Know what I mean? In the practice sessions, hit the table
each time you hear an extraneous sound. Pretty soon they’ll
begin to disappear.
• Maintain eye contact: No one has trust in your competence
or can like you without qualification if your eyes are
all over the place instead of on your audience as you speak.
• Inform: Don’t take the trouble to say anything if you have
nothing to say. As a corollary, don’t speak “off the record.”
If you don’t want to see it in print, hear it on the radio, or
watch it repeated on television, don’t say it.
• Be honest: Be willing to acknowledge a problem’s existence.
Be willing to admit you don’t have all the answers.
• Be positive: Don’t use the words don’t or won’t. Tell us
what is. Tell us what will be.
• Be simple: Get rid of jargon. Stop delivering literature and
deliver conversation.
• Be memorable: Use stories, anecdotes, examples, similes,
and metaphors. Personalize. Bring the audience into your
message. Paint word pictures.
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 117
• Be proud: You or your team has accomplished something
memorable, share it. Don’t hide it.
• Smile: Show me you like me.
• Open your face: Show me you care.
• Gesture: Hug me from a distance.
• Finally: Don’t get angry. Don’t lose your cool. Don’t take
an attack personally. That’s playing right into the hands of
the tabloid reporter. It makes good copy for everyone but
you. Be the voice of reason.
Win the game.
Don’t deny—educate.
Don’t negate—inform.
Don’t fall into the buzzword trap—tell a story that relevantly
contradicts the error.
Interview traps
The well-trained interviewee looks at the media as the other
team in a game. Just as in any other game, there are strategies
involved. Taken to an extreme, you could call it a war. The idea is
to win or, at worst, to play to a draw. The media uses certain traps
or land mines. Here’s what to look for:
1. Architecture
The first, foremost, and premier tactic involves the loaded
question. It’s built on negatives, accusations, and buzzwords. Those
are the building blocks. This is the trap I covered at length in
earlier. “Why are you part of a rip-off?” “Why are you contributing
to the poisoning of the environment?” Reduced to its lowest
common denominator, your job is to eliminate these elements from
your answer. Don’t deny the accusation. Avoid the negative. Don’t
repeat the buzzwords. The intent here is to put you on the defensive
rather than to solicit information. And your job is to give
information.
2. Rhythm
There are reporters who’ve developed a style borrowed from
some trial lawyers. First, they establish a rapport through a series
118 How to Sell Yourself
of very simple, basic questions that establish the belief that this is
going to be a no-brainer. Then, when you’ve picked up their rhythm,
along comes the zinger.
• “State your full name.” Fast answer.
• “Where do you live?” Fast answer.
• “How long have you lived there?” Fast answer.
• “Are you married?” Fast answer.
• “Where do you work?” Fast answer.
• “How long have you worked there?” Fast answer.
• “Why do you overcharge?” POW!
That’s how the rhythm trap works. When you force yourself
to pause for a split second even before you give your name, the
adversary soon senses that you’re on to the game. In a legal proceeding,
the pause gives your attorney a chance to object before
you’ve blurted out an answer, and in this training the pause lets
your mind act as its own attorney, “object,” and work out a good
response.
3. The double-edged sword
This is the two-pronged question designed to help you make
an ass of yourself in public.
• “Was this a case of stupidity or insensitivity?”
• “Which candidate will do the most damage?”
Again, the intention is to prevent you from riding between the
horns of a dilemma without a saddle. Here, the only recourse is to
pause and reshape the question into what it would have been if the
adversary had played fair.
In the first case, the question might have been, “What happened?”
So, “Let me explain what happened...” is a perfectly legitimate
beginning.
In the second question, a simultaneous translation into decency
would ask, “How do you size up the candidates?” A beginning
such as, “Each candidate has strengths and weaknesses,
just like any other human being...” will lead you away from
instantaneous disaster and an inadvertent step onto the land
mine.
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 119
4. Prolonged silence
A lot of reporters will leave the microphone pointed at your
face after you’ve finished. They’ll intentionally delay bringing the
microphone back to themselves. For you, it becomes a long, agonizing
pause. The key is: Don’t say another word. Once you’ve
finished, stop. A prolonged silence won’t make it on the air unless
you “cooperate” by falling apart. Remember: You’re simply being
invited to say something you’ll regret in the stress of the silence.
If the pause seems to be getting absurdly long, you only have to
smile and say, “Did you have another question?” or “Was there
something else you wanted to talk about?” or “Didn’t you understand
what I said?” The audience is bright enough to know that
you’ve answered the original question. Your job is to call attention
to the fact that you’re refusing the obvious invitation to put
your foot in your mouth. Quite often, it’s what’s said after you’ve
finished that causes all the trouble.
5. Persistence
More and more we’re being victimized by reporters asking
the same question, or a slightly different version of the same question,
endlessly. The design here is to exasperate you, to get you to
the point where you’re so frustrated that you blurt out something
you later wish you’d never said. And, of course, that’s the response
that makes it into the story or on the air. The intention is
to get you to lose control for a moment. The public likes it when
you politely and warmly remind reporters that you know what
their game is and that they aren’t going to win by getting you to
break down under artificial pressure.
6. Agenda
This can really be called “Persistence with a specific goal.”
Instead of “let’s see where this will take us,” the agenda says “let’s
get there at any cost.” The reporter is working to get you to make
a specific statement. Your comments will help make the story
“correct” from the reporter’s standpoint, give the story the right
slant. In this case, the reporter’s need and goal is to get you to say
it. This relieves the reporter of having to say it—you already did.
120 How to Sell Yourself
Examples of “agenda”
A reporter told me that her first Washington, D.C. assignment
for a major television network was to interview a high-level
government official who had just announced that he was resigning
his post in the Nixon administration. The assignment editor told
her, “Get him to say he’s leaving because of Watergate.” She described
the interview to me and it went something like this:
Q: Isn’t it true that you’re resigning because of Watergate?
A: I’ve been working 16-hour days. I haven’t had any time for
my wife and three young children. I decided that the time
had come to be a real husband and father.
Q: Well, but Watergate helped you reach that conclusion
didn’t it?
A: I was motivated by a need to keep my marriage together
and to get to know my kids.
Q: There’s a lot of talk that it was really Watergate. Didn’t it
influence you in the slightest?
A: My wife needs me. My kids need me. They’re the real reason
I’m leaving.
The reporter felt defeated. She had failed. She went back with
her videotape and cried. She couldn’t force her editor’s agenda on
the subject. The interview didn’t make it on the air. But consider
this: Had the interviewee reacted in anger and said, “I’m not resigning
because of Watergate,” the segment would have aired with
the anchor saying, “Nixon aide denies resigning over Watergate,”
then during the interview we’d have heard:
Q: Isn’t it true that you’re resigning over Watergate?
A: I am not resigning over Watergate.
We’d have heard “resigning over Watergate” three times and
that’s the weed the audience would be left with. Score one more
for the press.
7. The “what if”
The hypothetical question has “disaster” written all over it. It
doesn’t require an answer. It doesn’t deserve an answer. But you
have to make it clear to the audience that it is hypothetical and be
calm and warm in response. It even helps if you can demonstrate
TEAMFLY
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 121
a sense of humor without appearing to be a “smart alec.” When
CNN’s Bernard Shaw pulled the trigger on presidential candidate
Michael Dukakis, asking him if he’d still oppose the death penalty
if Kitty Dukakis had been brutally raped and murdered, Dukakis
would have scored points with a smiling, “Bernie, we wouldn’t
need a death penalty if I got my hands on him.” Case closed. When
Dan Quayle was asked what he would do as vice president if the
president were assassinated, Quayle’s, “I’d pray,” seemed inept,
given the facial reaction that made him appear to be groping. He
might have turned it around with, “You ought to ask the president
what he’d do if I were assassinated. After all, I’m the unpopular
one.” The question was so outlandish and so undeserving of an
answer that a near-playful answer that didn’t make light of the
president’s death would have put the public on notice that the
reporter couldn’t come up with a substantive question.
The “what if” question has lots of first cousins. Some of them
are:
• “Who’s to blame...?”
• “Whose fault is it...?”
• “Who’s responsible...?”
Every news organization would gleefully print or air your comments
that place blame. Even if you think you know, be sure to
make it clear that you’re not a judge, not a jury, and certainly not
God. You can even say that too many decent people have had
careers and reputations destroyed by someone who decided to
mouth off to a reporter.
Another cousin is “what really happened?” The suggestion
here is that you know a lot more than you’re willing to tell. Each
technique is designed to hit a button.
If you allow yourself to get frustrated, angry, insulted, or
stressed out, you’re guaranteeing yourself an unflattering appearance
on the evening news or one of the tabloids.
8. “That’s a wrap...”
These are famous last words. When you hear them your guard
goes down. It’s over. Well, it’s not over ’til it’s over. And that’s
when they’re gone. Some reporters and their crews use it as a
trick to be played on the unsuspecting. The words suggest that the
122 How to Sell Yourself
camera and microphone are turned off and the interview is finished.
Don’t say another word except to exchange small-talk pleasantries,
or what you see on the air may be what you said after you
thought the game was over. Don’t give them a victory in overtime.
There’s a simple, time-tested, foolproof rule: If you don’t want to
see it in print or hear it on the airwaves, don’t say it.
9. The clothesline
Many reporters will hang out a clothesline filled with questions.
You’re not expected to be able to remember each of four or
five questions in one bundle of laundry. Answer first the question
that suits you best and then ask the reporter, “What else did you
want to know?” I’ve even heard people say, “That’s a lot of questions.
Which one would you like me to answer?” And the audience
subconsciously nods and says, “Right. That’s really a mouthful
of questions.”
10. “It’s been said...”
When the reporter knows that there may be a slander or libel
lawsuit over what comes next, the opening words are: “It’s been
said...” or “There are reports circulating that...” or “Rumor has it
that ....” An answer that begins with “Let me tell you what I know
so far,” or “Here are the facts as I understand them,” or “Obviously
someone is supplying you with misinformation,” will help you
over the bomb without detonating it. There are lots of other possibilities,
as long as honesty remains the number one priority.
11. Position
When you’re outdoors in bright sunlight, the crew will rarely
place the reporter looking directly into the sun. Don’t let them do
it to you. It will produce a pronounced squint, and an unwanted
closed face. Insist on angling yourself into a position that will let
you be natural. You and the reporter should be allowed to look at
each other without either producing a grotesque look.
12.The answer
I’ve been told about trainers who tell their clients, “This is your
interview. Make sure you get your message out. Regardless of what
Selling Yourself in Confrontation and Media Interviews 123
you’re asked, answer with one of these six prepared statements.”
My training urges you to answer the question that was asked, but
do it from your perspective. Translate the question into what it
would have been if the interviewer hadn’t been trying to trip you
up. That will let you do a commercial. My advice is that before
you give your next interview, reread this chapter to give yourself
an edge. It will help you give a winning interview.
124 How to Sell Yourself
Selling Yourself in the Classroom 125
8
Selling Yourself
in the Classroom
C 125 c
TEACHERS, AS DO ALL those who speak to others as part of their
jobs, often forget that the prime purpose of the teaching profession
is communication. Teachers can lose sight of this within weeks
of the first semester on the job because they must deal with a lot of
externals that seem to have very little to do with communicating.
The teacher as administrator
If you’re a teacher, no sooner do you report to work than
you’re faced with the realization that a teacher is not just a teacher.
The job description says “teacher,” but you’re also:
• Warden.
• Shrink.
• Surrogate parent.
• Traffic cop.
• Records-keeper (attendance-taker, grade-recorder,
paper-grader, administrative flunky).
• Messenger.
• Cafeteria security guard.
• And about a dozen other people.
The overwhelming responsibilities of the nonclassroom, nonteaching
aspects of the work may obscure your focus as a teacher.
What was a job you really looked forward to starts to look like
a nightmare of extraneous responsibilities.
126 How to Sell Yourself
I know.
I’ve been there.
Don’t lose sight of the fact that teaching is your first priority,
and teaching demands skillful communication techniques.
The teacher as communicator
Every dictionary synonym for teach suggests a receiver for
the information being taught by the teacher—impart, instruct,
inform, educate, inculcate, enlighten, indoctrinate, train.
The video operator for a California program I conducted put
it this way: “The greatest teachers are the great storytellers.” I
couldn’t agree more. Or to put it another way: Students are members
of an audience.
A teacher is in the classroom for one primary reason: to give
information. Give is the key word here. It isn’t enough to know
your subject. It isn’t enough to be a great source of information.
The secret to really good teaching is good communication,
the ability to get the information from your mind into the student’s
mind. That takes dynamic delivery.
It requires the skills of the open face and the gesture.
It requires the ability to look and sound like the most important
thing in your life at this particular moment is the communication
in your teaching.
I’m not saying you have to be a great entertainer. If you were,
you’d be able to make huge bucks in show business. But selling
yourself as a speaker is a performing art and is essential in front
of a classroom.
Fresh material
Ironically, one of the pitfalls of teaching is familiarity with
your subject. After a while, teaching can become as routine as
small talk. But what may be tiresome to you after you’ve been
over the same material dozens of times is still brand new to the
student. This is the point you must never forget.
In theater, actors are told about the “illusion of the first time”
and taught the techniques they need to achieve this freshness. This is
Selling Yourself in the Classroom 127
simply the ability to make the audience feel that you’re telling this
story, saying these words, communicating these ideas for the first
time and spontaneously. It’s a vital part of acting because every
performance following opening night is a repeat, but it should still
be as fresh and interesting as it was the first time.
Why has no one ever stressed that same notion with teaching?
It deserves consideration. Every Algebra I class is essentially the
same as every other Algebra I class. The teacher needs to keep
the image of the “first time” in his or her presentation in order to
make the material fresh and interesting for the students, who in
fact are hearing it for the first time.
Most of us are what we are and have certain academic strengths
and weaknesses because a particular group of teachers excited us
and another group turned us off.
A good teacher must have a tremendous desire and an excellent
ability to get the message across to the student.
Dull teachers can make a bore out of exciting material, but
interesting teachers, good teachers, can make magic out of what
would otherwise seem to be very ordinary material.
Perhaps it would help if the designation “teacher” were given
only to those who were interesting in the front of the classroom
and a different name given to those who merely presented material
by rote.
Enthusiasm and knowledge
It might seem like a revolutionary idea, but think of what a
difference it would make in our ability to educate if all teachers
were required to develop good communication skills in addition
to their academic requirements. It happened to me and I’m sure
it’s happened to you. There were times when going to school was
a joy. And there were other times when you were literally sick
before the school bell rang at the start of the day. The difference
was almost always the teacher’s ability to create interest and enthusiasm
in the classroom, no matter what the subject.
If material seems to be boring to the teacher, it will be boring
to the class, but the reverse isn’t necessarily true. Just because
the teacher is interested in the material doesn’t necessarily mean
the class will be interested.
128 How to Sell Yourself
The responsibility of the teacher is to get the class interested.
This means making the classroom an exciting place to be. It also
means that each day’s lesson has to be presented in the most interesting,
pleasant, vital, and exciting manner possible. When
viewed in this light, teaching can be one of the most challenging
and rewarding careers anyone could choose.
Teachers as communicators
I did a training program for teachers of a major school system
in the southwest. It took place the day before the fall term was to
begin. There were 1,200 teachers attending the program. Two participants
had prepared to present their opening-day classes in front
of the group and knew they would be videotaped.
Each one greeted us as though we were the class and did the
first five minutes of the lecture.
Before playing back the videotape to show them how they came
across, I talked about the speaking techniques that make for great
communication: open face, open body, voice preparation, and
confidence. Then we played back their demonstrations, watching
them in the light of those techniques.
Both participants, along with the audience, saw strengths they
should keep and weaknesses they should eliminate.
It works!
When the two participants delivered the same opening a second
time, the difference seemed like magic. The second time
around, they made a conscious effort to open their faces.
They gestured on their descriptive words.
They were alive.
They were dynamic.
They were dramatic.
They really cared about us.
Everyone was so delighted that they gave the two participants
a standing ovation to express their pleasure with the improvement
in their teaching skills.
And here’s what everyone in the audience learned about good
teachers:
Selling Yourself in the Classroom 129
• They should leave their personal problems and nonteaching
responsibilities behind.
• They should remember that the student has never heard
any of this before.
• They should make an event out of the class.
• If they enjoy themselves, their students will enjoy themselves—
and learn.
• Above all, they could get more attention and have
greater impact if they stopped thinking about themselves
as disciplinarians and remembered that their function
is communication.
Again, if whoever is in the front of the room isn’t communicating,
that person is not a teacher. That’s why I like to think of
teaching not merely as a speaking process, but as a selling process
too.
In no profession more than the teaching profession are these
words more meaningful:
No one has the right to be dull.
130 How to Sell Yourself
TEAMFLY
Selling Your Product 131
9
Selling Your Product
C 131 c
THROUGHOUT THIS BOOK, I’ve repeated several points that I consider
vitally important. This chapter is the ultimate in redundancy
because common sense says “no one will buy your product until
and unless they like you.” The more you understand that principle
and work on your likability factor, the better your sales record
will be.
Selling your product by selling yourself
Over the years, I’ve trained thousands of Merrill Lynch financial
consultants. At first, the people I trained were professional
people with several years of experience and above-average sales
records. They reported that their sales shot through the roof after
understanding the open face, eye contact, gesture, storytelling,
personalizing, and appearing not as sales professionals, but as loving
family members.
They convinced the people who run the training center that it
would be the most useful to bring me to the new hires and give
them all a better start. I can’t tell you how satisfying it is to have
so many people express gratitude for opening a door through common
sense principles.
The need to communicate
It helps to realize that we’re all on trial constantly.
We’re all running for public office every day.
132 How to Sell Yourself
We’re all selling our ideas and ourselves all the time.
When there’s a product involved, nothing is different, but there
are a few special considerations.
Selling is the process of persuading a person or a group to buy
a product or a service. The more beneficial to both, the more
likely it is that the sale will be made and, more important, that
each party will come away satisfied with the transaction. For a
sale to happen and for customer satisfaction to be the final and
enduring result, some basic principles apply.
Those basic principles
First, you’ve got to know your product. You’ve got to know it
thoroughly and speak about it with confidence and authority. You
also have to know the competition thoroughly. This allows you to
speak well of your competition while emphasizing your own strengths.
Second, you have to believe in your company, your product,
and yourself. You have to be proud to represent your company.
It’s obviously the best in its field. After all, it hired you.
Third, “Ya gotta know the territory,” as Meredith Willson
said in one of the songs from The Music Man. That means you
need to know who the decision-maker is and sell to that person.
It’s a total waste of time to make the sale and then discover that
you have to make it again because you’ve been selling to the wrong
person. I realize that sometimes you have to do it twice, but if
once will do, why repeat?
The Three I’s
To accomplish these three steps, the good salesperson must
have and exercise what salesman Steve Niven calls “The Three I’s”:
• Intelligence.
• Integrity.
• Initiative.
By intelligence, we’re not talking about a high IQ. We’re talking
about sensitivity, timing, friendliness, warmth, and solid information,
with a large dose of common sense thrown in.
Integrity is the hallmark of the salesperson who has long-term
success. Yes, a lot of fly-by-night people make megabucks at other
Selling Your Product 133
people’s expense, but the customers of a salesperson with real
integrity keep coming back because they know they’ll get honesty,
quality, price, and service. A person can’t have just a little integrity.
It’s something you either have or you don’t. And that’s what
the customer becomes aware of very early in the selling game.
You have to have a good name, and the only way you get that and
keep it is by having integrity.
Initiative is the ability to get in the door, to make the presentation
in a unique, interesting, imaginative way, and to know you
did a good job for yourself and the company even if you didn’t
make the sale.
Selling as communication
Why should selling a product be any different from selling yourself
or your ideas? It isn’t. A company is only as good as the people
who represent it and, for the moment, you’re the company. And, in
almost every case, the client has to believe in you before believing
in what you’re selling. So, what should the client see?
• A warm person.
• A sincere person.
• An open person.
• An enthusiastic person.
• A trustworthy person.
The client also wants a positive person.
He wants you to tell him the good features of your product,
not to bad-mouth the competition.
If there were problems in the past, don’t blame the home office
or the shipping department. Just take the initiative and be
sure it doesn’t happen again or you can kiss that account goodbye.
Don’t make claims or promises that can’t be kept.
If you are the best and if you represent the best, your client
will get what he buys.
He’ll get it on time.
He’ll be happy with it, and he’ll welcome anything you bring
him in the future.
134 How to Sell Yourself
You can’t win ’em all
Don’t be discouraged by a series of “no sale” calls. You can’t
know why you didn’t make the sale, and sometime it has nothing
to do with you, your product, or your presentation. If you suspect
it’s you, then work at improving your selling techniques. But don’t
lose sight of other factors that may have caused the buyer to look
elsewhere.
It’s not outside the realm of belief in today’s world that someone
is “kicking back.” The buyer may have a brother-in-law selling
the same basic products. You may be dealing with a true statusquo
person (“We’ve been buying Faunce Corporation widgets for
30 years and we’re happy with them.”).
There are reasons you’ll never even dream of, so just press
on, improve, grow, and do the best you can.
Don’t waste their time—or yours
Time is an important commodity. Don’t waste it. When you’re
making a sale, know all your facts.
• State them.
• Answer any questions.
• Ask for the order.
• Thank your client.
• Go.
Variety is the spice of life
Vary your presentations. Keep them fresh. Use your imagination.
Be creative. Dare to be different. This sets you apart from
the pack and will help you make the sale.
Enjoy your work. Believe it or not, it’s contagious. Just as
when you make intellectual love to your audience and your audience
loves you back, when you’re having a good time working, it
shows and others enjoy your enjoyment.
Enjoy what you’re doing
I remember watching Ed McMahon, my favorite salesman,
selling vegetable slicers the way he had done years before on the
Selling Your Product 135
boardwalk in Atlantic City, New Jersey. It was such great fun for
him that people who didn’t need slicers, who didn’t even want
slicers, bought them to show that they enjoyed his enjoyment. It
was their way of applauding him for a great show.
Now, you may not be selling slicers, but you are putting on a
show for your client, so a key ingredient is the ability to have a
good time doing it.
McMahon often said, “If I can point to it, I can sell it.” He
could just as easily have said, “If I can tell you about it, I can sell it
to you.” Not only was he a splendid performer, but he connected in
that most important way: the jovial, beloved family member.
The buyer doesn’t want a professional salesperson. The buyer
wants a son or daughter or grandchild.
If you’ve ever sold a house, the real estate agent you picked
met all the likability criteria.
If you bought a car, remember what it was about the salesperson
who convinced you to pick that brand, that dealership, and
that model.
In all the seminars I’ve conducted, the technique I teach that
has been most helpful to salespeople is the technique of the open
face. Even the most successful salespeople in my teaching sessions
agree that they found a new clue to helping themselves become
believed, trusted, and, ultimately, even more successful. I
urge you to work on this technique every chance you get. Your
mirror may not buy what you have to sell, but your clients and
customers will.
136 How to Sell Yourself
Selling Yourself in the Job Interview 137
10
Selling Yourself
in the Job Interview
C 137 c
ONE OF THE most stressful speaking situations is the job interview.
And, unless I miss my guess, we’ve all been through it one time or
another. If you really need that job, if it seems your whole life
depends on it, the stress can be almost unbearable.
I have a friend who worked hard all his life, earned a decent
salary, and reached a prestigious position in his field. Suddenly,
because of a merger, he found himself out of work, jobless. Because
he and his wife had put several children through college and
had supported more than one indigent family member, they had
very few assets. Now, he had no job. After months of looking, his
resumé made an impression on a potential employer and he was
asked to come in for an interview.
Desperation can kill the deal
My advice to my friend (and you) was, “Whatever you do,
don’t panic.”
“But everything, everything, everything is riding on this one
interview,” you say.
Maybe so, but if you’re desperate and it shows, you haven’t
got a chance. That piece of advice is really the key to success in
the job interview and in every other form of communication. When
an interviewer or an audience sees you squirm, becomes aware of
your desperation, you’re almost certain to be a loser.
138 How to Sell Yourself
I’ve painted a grim scenario, but my advice is equally true for
the college student looking for a post-graduation, first full-time
job.
It’s true for the woman who’s been out of the job market raising
a family, who’s decided that her sanity and her financial situation
require her to get back into the money-earning world.
It’s true for the man or woman who wants to change companies
or jobs.
What is really important is the way you communicate, the way
you’re perceived by the person conducting the interview. Remember:
Likability wins.
Wrong impressions
The psychology involved in the typical job interview is false
and destructive. It discourages honest communication. The interviewee
tends to look on the interviewer as someone in a position
of ultimate power, and this feeling grows in direct proportion to
the real need for employment.
He controls my future.
My fate is in his hands.
He holds the key to restoring me to the ranks of respectability.
He is the supreme judge of my worth and value.
He has a secure job in a position of influence and power.
It’s not fair.
Not only is all of this not true, but, also, the interviewee suspects
that his own unemployed status or job search will be perceived
by the interviewer as a flaw or weakness. After all, being
unemployed or looking for another job (we think) is shameful,
blameful, and a vulnerable condition.
It’s a classic guilt trip.
These dynamics can be horrifying. “How on earth can I ever
explain how smart and skilled and knowledgeable I am in a few
minutes to a perfect stranger?”
To make it worse, quite often the interviewer’s manner, style,
and approach all reinforce these dynamics. The stress for the interviewee
is intensified, approaching the unbearable.
Selling Yourself in the Job Interview 139
In fact, the applicant who feels this desperation (and worse,
shows it) will unwittingly magnify all these fears into a huge and
haunting specter.
Desperation always manages to show itself in the eyes.
Insecurity is betrayed by the entire body.
The face and hands send all the signals you hope to avoid.
The voice quivers and trembles, and a mind in panic is in no
condition to cope with the interview at hand.
What can you do?
First, as in any stressful situation, gain control of yourself by
doing the breathing and relaxation exercises in Chapter 4.
Second, bring into play all of the basic communication skills
you learned in earlier chapters. Use your face, your voice, and
your body to gain control over the situation rather than let it gain
control over you.
Next, consciously adopt a counterpsychology. What allows you
to do this is the knowledge that the intimidating dynamics of the
job interview are false.
They are negative.
They have no reality.
They are imagined and born of fear, stress, and intimidation.
Here are three factors to consider:
• Your worth and your value are in you. They have nothing
to do with whether or not you are employed, holding a
job, or earning money. You’re the same person regardless
of your situation.
• Your interviewer isn’t intrinsically superior to you. Yes,
because of the transient circumstances of the moment, he
or she is more powerful than you are. But the interviewer’s
power isn’t ultimate. There are other jobs, other employers
out there. You’re a free person. You and your interviewer
are essentially equal in two respects. You’re both
human beings and each may have something the other
needs and wants. Only your roles are different. They could
very well be reversed. The interviewer needs to fill the job
vacancy as much as you need the job. Don’t lose sight of
140 How to Sell Yourself
the fact that you are also interviewing your interviewer
about the job and about the company.
• You aren’t just looking for a job. If you are, you could be
making a world-class mistake. You’re looking for the right
job. You’re looking for the job that will let you put your
skills and experience to work most fully and productively,
matching them to the needs of the employer. The purpose
of the job interview, and never lose sight of this fact, is to
determine whether those conditions prevail in this job.
Reaffirm your confidence
Once you have put the job interview in its proper perspective,
you gain new confidence. You’re not cocky, insolent, or impolitic;
you are confident. You understand the dynamics of the interview.
You’ve learned how to play a new game, and you can play to win.
Confidence is the key word. Externally, it will allow you to be
friendly, open, interested, straightforward, and a good listener.
Inside, you’re alert, energized, and, on the deepest level, detached
and objective. You’re able to believe from the outset, “If this works
out, that will be fine. If it doesn’t work out, that will be okay, too.
This one may not be the perfect one.”
Confidence helps on every level. You come across as competent
and poised. You’re calm enough to think clearly and rationally.
Your modest self-assurance is pleasant and attractive compared
to the insecurity, nervousness, or overeagerness of other
candidates. You really shouldn’t want the job unless it’s right for
you or if the employer doesn’t have the right enthusiasm for adding
you to the team.
An expert’s advice
A friend of mine, who’s been a professional job counselor and
whose help on the material for this chapter has been invaluable,
offers the following tip.
If you’re desperate for work, desperate for an income, any
income, then take whatever job you can get that will bring in some
money while the job search goes on. Work as a salesclerk in the
evening. Take an early morning delivery job. Work on a clean-up
TEAMFLY
Selling Yourself in the Job Interview 141
crew at night. Whatever you do need never show up on your
resumé.
There is no such thing as a demeaning job; there are only
people who consider themselves too good to do certain kinds of
work. Overqualified, yes. Demeaning, no.
Once you have the right attitude about a job interview, there
are certain strategies you can use both on your resumé and during
the interview itself that will go a long way toward guaranteeing
your success.
Primary interview objectives
Identify your strongest skills or areas of experience
Most of us are not totally one-dimensional. Unless we’re just
starting out in a career search or have had highly specialized technical
careers, we probably have several strong suits. It’s not unusual
for someone to be skilled and have a background in more
than one area:
• Planning.
• Organization.
• Production management.
• Personnel management.
• Budget and financial planning.
• System design.
• Sales.
• Marketing.
• Training and development.
• Editing.
• Public relations.
• Communications.
Analyze your work history to pinpoint precisely the central,
basic categories of your skills and experience rather than the specific
duties of a job you’ve held.
For example, you were an analyst/administrator of the XYZ
Corporation rather than program officer in charge of impact statements
for the office of Environmental Compliance.
142 How to Sell Yourself
The approach of highlighting your general skills has two main
advantages.
First, it’s flexible and you’re flexible, depending on the needs
of the potential employer.
Second, it stands alone, stripped of ties to your previous employer
and open to future applications. As your interviewer, I’m
not as interested in what your duties and responsibilities were in
your last job as I am in what you can do for me now.
Cite specific examples of
your accomplishments in measurable terms
Give numbers that quantify what you were responsible for,
how effective you were, the changes you brought about, the volume
you handled, the number of people you supervised, the increase
in sales or productivity, the size of your budget, and the
scope of your function. Use whatever yardstick is appropriate,
such as degrees of growth, improvement, or accuracy; honors and
citations; promotions and bonuses; decrease of complaints; increase
in income, membership, output, or stock value. These kinds
of objective measurements say more about your ability and actual
accomplishments than any claims you may make. And wherever
possible, use the techniques of storytelling, anecdotes, and personal
examples.
Learn what you can about
your potential employer and the business
Check out the company’s Web site. Learn what you can about
the company, its problems, strengths, plans, operations, goals, and
past successes and past failures. There may even be information
available on the company’s hiring practices. This will allow you to
orient your statements to the company’s needs and also establish
that you’ve done some homework and know what you’re talking
about.
Getting across these three points is the primary objective in
any interview. No matter what the interviewer wants to talk about,
you want that person to hear what you can do, how well you can
do it (or how well you’ve done it in the past), and how your skills
and experience relate to and can benefit that company.
Selling Yourself in the Job Interview 143
Don’t let any questions, comments, ramblings, or war stories
distract you from making your points. Even if the interviewer asks
the wrong questions, you can give the right answers.
I have to stress this point because most interviewers are not
good at interviewing. You won’t always be given the opportunity
to tell your story as you’d planned, so you may have to create that
opportunity. This isn’t usually maliciousness on the interviewer’s
part, but rather ineptness.
My advice is to never leave an interview without having made
your best case—unless, of course, you’ve lost all interest in the
job that’s available.
Using all the tact, warmth, and subtlety you can muster, you have
to take control of the interview, always allowing the interviewer to
continue to feel in control. You must keep returning to what you can
do, how well you can do it, and how that might apply to the
interviewer’s needs. Don’t linger over a general conversation. Keep
the spotlight focused on the subject of the interview: you.
But don’t forget to be a good, attentive listener.
The way the game is played
There are two kinds of interviews: the general interview and
the specific job interview.
The general interview is aimed at establishing and developing
leads. You want someone of some consequence to know that you’re
available and have something to offer. It may turn out that this
contact does become interested in hiring you, which would be an
ultimate scenario. Otherwise, your attitude is “I’m not expecting
you to offer me a job. Rather, I’d like to explore with you where
someone with my background and skills might be useful to someone
in your field or someone you know who might be interested.”
This immediately lowers the interviewer’s resistance. He’s
off the hook and is only being asked for advice and possible
leads. He doesn’t have to face the problem of turning down another
nice person and is flattered into being in a position we all
love, that of the expert. It also opens the door to his hearing a
straightforward presentation of your skills and experience. How
can he make a suggestion to you or advise someone with your
background without learning what that background is?
144 How to Sell Yourself
There are two possible outcomes to this sort of interview: It
becomes an actual job interview (with the discovery of what a
wonderful addition you would be to his team) or you turn it into
leads to other interviews. There is, of course, a third possibility—
a dead-end failure—but that’s likely to be your own fault.
Ask for help and guidance
Even here, guilt and wasted time may be avoided simply by
pressing for other leads. “Who else do you think I might talk to in
order to explore other possibilities in my field?” Get names, titles,
and other information to the extent that you can without being
pushy. Ideally, you may even impress your interviewer enough
that he’ll volunteer to telephone his leads on your behalf and let
them know they’ll be hearing from you.
Door opening of this sort is devoutly to be hoped for, if not
actively pursued. Your contact can hardly call his friend or associate
on your behalf without saying something favorable about
you. Your ultimate objective here is to create a network of contacts
who are familiar with your abilities, who are impressed by
your credentials and by you, and who know you’re available. Remember:
More good jobs come through such networks than
through the want ads. A friend, or a friend of a friend, can be an
invaluable lead to the right job.
If your general interview becomes a job interview, it means
you’ve done well and can shift gears. The job interview usually has
a predictable structure:
• You describe your background and skills.
• The interviewer describes the job.
• You relate your skill and experience to the job.
• If the interviewer becomes interested in you, then it is
your turn to interview him or her in detail about the job.
Find out what you can about the responsibilities, authority,
opportunity, job description and flexibility, budget,
supervisor, staff and associates, company standards and
expectations, resources, procedures, personalities, prospects
for the future, and anything else that might be relevant
to you.
• You and the interviewer discuss salary, benefits, amenities,
and other details.
Selling Yourself in the Job Interview 145
• Intermission. Rarely is a job offered, or accepted, on the
spot. Both parties need additional time to think about it.
The interviewer will check your references. You’ll look
over the company materials and publications. Often other
interviews will occur during this break.
• Offer and acceptance. More discussion and exchange of
information. Anything to be further negotiated regarding
salary, perks, vacation, and the like are hashed out here.
Then both parties make the decision.
Performing effectively
Although the circumstances may be slightly different, the job
interview, as are many speaking situations, is essentially a matter
of communication—the way you present yourself and your ideas
and the way they are perceived by your audience, in this case, the
interviewer. So, naturally, the same techniques and strategies apply
in both situations.
If you’ve mastered the use of your face, your gestures, and
your voice, if you’re prepared and confident, and if you send the
winning signals in the way you look and the way you dress, you
can master any job interview that comes your way.
One final piece of advice
A job interview can be, and often is, a kind of mini-confrontation.
An interviewer, like an aggressive reporter, may ask you questions
that are difficult, if not impossible, to answer. But you can
turn negative questions into positive answers.
Pause, look at the interviewer, and then give honest, positive
answers that will present you in the best possible light.
If your interviewer zings you with, “What do you consider
your greatest weakness?” give it a positive twist with something
such as, “Most of the people I work with think I’m too dedicated
to my job” or “My attention to detail seems to bother some colleagues,
but usually not the boss.”
If you’re asked, “What’s the minimum salary you’ll accept?”
don’t be afraid to toss it back. “I think I should be offered whatever
salary the job is worth to the company. What figure did you
have in mind?”
146 How to Sell Yourself
“What’s the biggest mistake you’ve made professionally?”
Turn it around. “I once trusted a person more than I should have.
His actions hurt both me and my business associates. It taught me
to check people out.”
“Don’t you honestly believe you’re overqualified for this position?”
If you believe the interviewer’s perception is wrong, you
might try, “Not unless you’ve got a lid on the job, the salary, and
the responsibility that I’m not aware of.”
A job interview is a one-on-one situation, and just as the interviewer
is sizing you up by the signals you send, you can size up the
company by carefully observing his signals. Is he open, considerate,
and courteous? Or is he closed, uninterested, harsh, or even
hostile? It won’t take you long to figure that one out. And if the
latter is true, you’d probably rather not work for the company he
represents. In fact, he may soon be out of a job.
It works!
For several years, I’ve done many programs for the training
arm of Arthur Young, now Ernst & Young. As I was working on
this book, I got a letter from Alice Rice, one of the breakout
leader trainers who had worked with me on dozens of occasions.
Here’s what she wrote:
Dear Arch,
I began working with Colleen (a job search consultant)
in February of 2001 when I determined it was time
for a career change. After about three weeks of working to
prepare a resumé, build my campaign, and identify prospective
employers, Colleen decided it was time for a mock
interview. I had been trained by the best for the best in
presentation techniques. To my surprise, I was nervous
and anxious about the 20-minute video we were going to
tape to allow a critique of my interviewing for a new job.
As Colleen was asking me questions related to “your
best experience,” “what you are most proud of,” “what
can you offer my company,” etc., I kept some very simple
thoughts in mind. All of these came to me through my
training with you. From the time we met in May of 1988,
Selling Yourself in the Job Interview 147
you truly changed the way I present myself to others. Your
best advice was given succinctly and with humor. I learned
to be natural, flexible, and have a good time! I learned to
speak in common language and to eliminate jargon. That
is just what I did in the mock interview. I listened carefully
to the questions and provided natural and fun examples
that anyone could understand. I explained my past
18 years with enthusiasm and easy-to-follow descriptions.
I had a good time and it showed.
At the end of 15 minutes, Colleen stopped the taping.
She looked up, somewhat startled but pleased, and asked
if she could keep the tape for demonstrations to future
clients. She indicated that it was the best mock interview
she had seen in seven years. I welcomed her enthusiasm
and honesty. I knew I had done well! I ultimately received
a job offer after just one interview.
The skills you taught me over the years yielded a confidence
that I could not have mustered otherwise. Your
techniques really work.
Once again—it works!
I was checking into a Portland, Oregon, hotel to do a presentation
the following day. The desk clerk said, “Mr. Lustberg, you
have a message,” and handed me an envelope. I figured it was
from my client concerning the program, but instead, it was a letter.
It said,
I heard you were coming to Portland. I wanted to see
you to tell you this personally, but I have to be away. With
your training, I feel I really learned to present myself and
the proof is that I applied for a new job—got it—and
doubled my salary. Before that, every job I tried for went
to someone else. Thanks for your help.
148 How to Sell Yourself
Selling Yourself When Testifying 149
11
Selling Yourself
When Testifying
C 149 c
THERE WAS A time when our knowledge of legal procedures and
the courtroom was limited to TV programs (Law and Order) or
films (Philadelphia). Now, with so many people suing or investigating
each other, and with most of us embracing and speaking
out for causes, we may find ourselves involved in a court case or a
legislative proceeding.
To testify effectively requires considerable skill.
As does a television or a radio interview, delivering testimony
takes place on “foreign soil.” We’re asked to appear in strange
surroundings that can adversely affect our ability to play the game.
Also, as with the radio or TV interview, giving testimony is often
a confrontational situation. You may have a patient and friendly
questioner who guides you through your testimony, or you may
have an impatient and hostile questioner who is trying to prove
you are lying through your teeth.
What are you supposed to say?
How are you supposed to react?
In court and in hearings, every appearance is different, but
the communication skills are similar.
The deposition
Before a trial begins, more often than not, depositions are
taken. A deposition is simply a pretrial statement made under
oath before attorneys for both sides and a clerk. There is no jury
150 How to Sell Yourself
and usually no judge. Supposedly, the deposition helps prepare
the two sides for the courtroom and shortens the trial time. The
key words here are under oath. If you fail to tell the truth in a
deposition, it’s as bad as if you lied in the actual courtroom. Perjury
is perjury regardless of where it happens.
The entire difference between the deposition and courtroom
testimony is that in the deposition, only substance counts. There
is no judgmental audience except for the attorneys, and they can’t
acquit or convict. They can’t bring the case to its conclusion. So,
only the mind is involved.
Face, body, and voice hardly come into play in the deposition.
It is a confrontational situation, however, so the pause is once
again your most effective weapon. When you are asked a question,
think before you speak. Pause, take aim, get ready, fire. And,
needless to say, your answer should be the truth.
It probably seems like an oversimplification, but honesty and
the pause are the only tools you’ll need in the deposition.
The pause gives you the opportunity to consider the question,
its meaning, and its consequences before you answer.
Being honest means you won’t perjure yourself. If you tell the
truth, you never have to remember what you said.
If you don’t know, say so.
If you don’t understand the question, say so.
And the pause in every scenario allows your attorney to interject
with a point or an objection.
The courtroom trial
With the presence of a judge and possibly a jury to determine
the outcome of a case, the skills of face, body, and voice become
vitally important in giving testimony. Yes, the ground rules for
the deposition also apply here, but how the jury perceives you is
critical.
Don’t forget that the jury is an audience and it can like you,
dislike you, feel sorry for you, or be neutral to you. Your job,
along with being truthful, is to be liked, because the jury will then
believe you’re telling the truth.
TEAMFLY
Selling Yourself When Testifying 151
No one will ever know how many people guilty of heinous
crimes have been set free because the jury liked them. Conversely,
I’ll bet a lot of innocent people have been convicted because the
jury thought they looked like criminals. But most juries, like most
audiences, are not easily deceived. They believe what they hear if
what they see makes it believable.
The open face, the genuine and appropriate gesture, and the
warm, friendly voice are the weapons most likely to help you win
a jury to your side. If you need a villain, let it be the opposing
attorney.
Now that cameras have invaded courtrooms in most highprofile
trials, we’re getting plenty of chances to see winners and
losers up close and personal.
When you’re on the stand, take a short pause before answering
even the simplest question, and answer in a full sentence.
• “What is your name?”
(Pause) “My name is....”
• “What is your address?”
(Pause) “I live at....”
• “How long have you lived there?”
(Pause) “I’ve been there since....”
Now the adversarial attorney has been put on notice. This
witness will not be intimidated. This witness will not be tricked
into blurting out answers. This witness knows what he’s doing.
Self-control
Appearing as a witness in a trial is obviously a stressful situation.
So, before you testify, use proper breathing techniques for
relaxation and control. If you look nervous and apprehensive, it
might easily be mistaken for dishonesty. Think about people that
you’ve seen moistening their lips and shifting their eyes back and
forth. They look intimidated and often seem to be groping for a
way out or a dishonest answer.
Stick to the essentials
Three rules to follow during your testimony—answering only
the question that has been asked.
152 How to Sell Yourself
Don’t elaborate.
Don’t volunteer information.
Always be brief and to the point.
It is, after all, the opposing attorney’s job to discredit your testimony.
It is your job to convince the jury that you’re telling the truth.
As in any confrontation, you can turn negative questions into
positive answers. And the communication skills of mind, body, and
voice will do the rest in convincing the jury to decide in your favor.
It’s not unusual for clients to tell me they did better than they
thought they would. Several have even been congratulated by the
attorney for the other side, telling them how good they were.
My son-in-law is an osteopath who frequently is asked to appear
as an expert witness in workmen’s compensation cases. He
says that now that he’s worked on the communication techniques
I teach, the opposition lawyers are asking him after a trial ends if
they can call on him as a witness in the future.
Congressional testimony
An appearance before a committee of the U.S. Senate or House
of Representatives is unlike any other experience. We’ve seen many
examples of this on television. Some have been good; most have
been terrible. The most familiar image is that of the witness who
opens his attaché case, takes out an 80-page manuscript, hunches
over the text, and says to the page, “Mr. Chairman, members of
this distinguished committee, my name is...” and on he drones
until the last word is read in a dull monotone and everybody has
fallen asleep.
How to stand out
There’s no excuse for that kind of testimony. Very few people,
including professional lobbyists, realize there’s a regulation on
the books that says that testimony before Congress will be a summary
of what’s been previously submitted. The person who reads
the entire submission in a dull monotone is being just plain rude
to Congress and is in violation of the rules.
If you’re called upon to testify before Congress, first submit
the full text of your statement, as required, 48 or 72 hours before
Selling Yourself When Testifying 153
your appearance. Second, prepare a very brief summary of that
statement for oral delivery. Put it in short, snappy sentences, to
be spoken rather than read. Then begin your testimony, after the
protocol, with, “You have my full statement in front of you. Let
me briefly summarize the highlights of that paper.” Your listeners
might even be induced to pay attention after that, knowing you
plan to be mercifully brief and courteous.
Here is a brief rundown on some of the things I think your
testimony should be.
• Honest.
• Positive.
• Brief.
• Simple.
• Logical.
• Well-organized.
• Well-delivered.
• Anecdotal rather than statistical.
• A concise statement of your position.
And, of course, in your delivery, all of the communication
skills are a necessity: the open face, appropriate gestures, voice
control, directness, and courtesy. When you consider how much
of Congress’s time is spent in hearings, you’ll realize how practical
these guidelines are and how much better your chances of
really getting your message across will become.
The local hearing
A hearing on a local issue is the scenario most of us are likely
to encounter. It’s the least intimidating arena and certainly the
most familiar. It’s also the one that we are more willing to become
involved with. After all, a local issue is one that affects us directly
and personally.
But, here again, I know people who are so intimidated by the
public-speaking situation that they’ve refused to be active participants
in local issues. They won’t speak out at public meetings
because they have that terrible debilitating fear: the fear of making
a fool of themselves in public. It’s an unreasonable fear, but
that knowledge doesn’t change anything.
154 How to Sell Yourself
Using good communication skills will make public speaking
easier.
The right beginning
Once more, I urge you to start off with proper breathing. It’s
the first step in the process of throwing off stress and gaining
control of yourself.
Be prepared. That alone will increase your self-confidence
enormously. Concentrate on making the briefest possible statement
of your position. Five words usually have far more impact
than 5,000.
Be open.
Be honest, direct, and courteous.
Be personal. Tell the assembled group what this action will
mean to them, their community, their pocketbooks, their neighborhoods—
this kind of information has impact.
A local hearing is usually much less formal than a legislative
hearing. Use the lack of formality to your advantage. Observe any
protocol, but be as informal as you feel will help your cause. And
talk quietly. Even if the issue is highly charged and the hearing is
adversarial, don’t get angry. Don’t lose your temper.
Above all, remember the rules of the confrontation.
Turn negative questions into positive answers.
If you pause and think before you speak, your words will have
even greater impact.
Get involved
If you’ve been consumed by fear and have refused to participate
in local issues, remember that your viewpoint is just as important
as anyone else’s. By practicing the skills and techniques
of good communication that apply in any speaking situation, you
will be able to make a difference in your community by getting
your message across.
It works!
A developer I worked with recommended me to a friend in
another city who was proposing a huge new development to a rather
Selling Yourself When Testifying 155
hostile city council. I got the call and we worked on his prepared
statement and the questions he was likely to be handling. He was
thrilled with the positive result. He subsequently had me work
with him and his staff on his run for governor and then again on
his reelection campaign. He learned to come across as likable,
competent, and it resulted in good luck.
156 How to Sell Yourself
Selling Yourself in Meetings 157
12
Selling Yourself in Meetings
C 157 c
MEETINGS ARE THE staple of the American business diet. If you
could grow good ones, you’d make a fortune. And if you could
make every meeting productive, you’d be acclaimed a wizard—
nothing less than a Merlin.
Every meeting has its natural barriers to success, including
the following:
• Poor facilities.
• Technical equipment breakdowns.
• Uncomfortable surroundings.
• Boring people.
• Bad planning.
• Dull speakers.
• Unsavory refreshments.
• Unskilled chairpersons.
• A lack of direction.
• Digressions from the agenda.
• Professional troublemakers in attendance.
• Unfunny jesters.
• Unessential interruptions to prove someone’s
importance.
The list is endless, but the fact remains that meetings are the
most frequent way in which we communicate with our colleagues
and coworkers, our superiors and subordinates. If meetings fail,
there has been a failure of communication.
158 How to Sell Yourself
Make your meeting a success
Why should a meeting be different from any other speaking
situation? It isn’t. Someone talks and others listen. There are hundreds
of reasons for a meeting’s failure. But there’s only one reason
why a meeting is successful—something specific was accomplished
and everyone in the room knew it and went away better
off because of it. Usually, the person in the front of the room, the
person in charge of the meeting, the chief speaker, is primarily
responsible for the outcome.
What it takes
Words alone do not a successful meeting make. Skillful, dynamic
presentations do, whether you are the chairman, the chief
speaker, or a participant. The way you present yourself and your
ideas, the way you communicate, can make all the difference between
just getting through a meeting and getting the results you
had hoped for.
You know the difference I’m talking about. We’ve all been
sorry we had to attend many of the meetings we’ve gone to, and
we’ve been to a few that really excited us.
The meetings we left feeling that something had really been
accomplished usually had an exciting, outstanding, dynamic chairperson.
Compelling.
Spellbinding.
A person who reached us on a personal, intellectual, and emotional
level.
Was that person a natural?
Was there some special genius?
Maybe, but probably not.
Most of the really skilled communicators got where they are
by working at developing their speaking skills.
As with all speaking skills, meeting skills can be acquired. More
than that, they must be acquired. Today’s work environment assigns
more and more of us the task of opening our mouths in front
of colleagues.
Selling Yourself in Meetings 159
We give reports, briefings, instructions, and introductions.
We serve on or we chair committees and task forces.
We participate in meetings, seminars, and workshops.
In every one of these scenarios, we’re expected to be active
participants—to speak up.
Why me?
Of all the speaking situations, the ones with the most riding
on them are the professional ones. So colleagues, peers, bosses,
and fellow professionals become the enemy. We’re so petrified by
the fear of failure that we close up, tighten up, and do all the
wrong things.
We tend to let stress overcome us rather than overcoming
stress.
Don’t let self-doubts destroy your effectiveness
Instead of attacking the problems, we often succumb to them.
We think we’re out of our league when we are expected to conduct
a dynamic meeting. Our hyperactive imaginations scream
our inadequacies. “I’m not good enough.” “I’ll really louse up and
they’ll laugh at me.” “The boss won’t think I’m authoritative
enough.” We produce an endless list of reasons why we may fail,
including, “I’ll be so nervous I’ll forget to zip my fly.”
Notice that the focus is turned inward, on ourselves. We see
ourselves through the magnifying glass of fear and confusion. Every
misplaced hair makes us think, “I look like a rap star.” Our
deep-seated anxieties set off all kinds of alarms. Our confidence,
if we ever had any, disappears. We envision being publicly exposed
as dumb, phony, wrong, inadequate, incompetent, and worse.
We’re stark naked in a meeting room filled with fully clothed
people.
Although this scenario may seem exaggerated for some people,
it’s no less true for others. We look upon ourselves and see the
worst.
We forget that when we’re the audience, we don’t look at other
front-of-the-room speakers in the same searching, scorching light.
There’s the key to overcoming our fear—that and breathing to
relax and regain control of ourselves.
160 How to Sell Yourself
Expect to succeed
The truth is that the audience doesn’t care about the things
you may consider physical imperfections. They will accept you as
you are.
Yes, you should look your best.
Of course, you should dress neatly and inconspicuously, but
your colleagues aren’t looking at your weight or your hair or your
nose or teeth. If they know you, they’re used to seeing you as you
really are, warts and all. If they don’t know you, they may take a
quick inventory of your appearance and leave it at that, unless
you begin to bore them.
In other words, self-consciousness is a self-centered waste
of good energy. What the attendees do care about is your performance.
That’s where your concern and energy ought to be
directed.
As in any speaking situation, your audience will give you from
the very outset the benefit of the doubt.
The chairman is expected to be the chairman.
The invited speaker must have something to share.
The report-giver is presumed to know the project being reported
on.
More than that, the group wants the chairman to be effective,
the speaker to be interesting and informative, the instructor to be
knowledgeable.
Your cheering section
In short, audiences invest the person with the qualities that go
with his role. This phenomenon is a tremendous asset to you. The
group quite matter-of-factly assumes that you know what you’re
about. For their attitude to change, you’ve got to prove them wrong.
Conversely, if you perform more or less as they expect, you confirm
their expectations and strengthen their acceptance of you.
What this means is that you can step out of yourself and into
a speaker’s role with the support and encouragement of the group.
Act otherwise and you lose support automatically.
Be aware that these attitudes are created not by who you are,
but rather by self-interest.
TEAMFLY
Selling Yourself in Meetings 161
People don’t want to waste their time or be bored.
The attendees want the meeting to go well for their own sakes.
This automatically spells support for you and you can count on it.
It’s up to you
On the other hand, if you’re preoccupied with yourself rather
than the group and the event, you’ll soon feel the positive vibrations
converting to the sort of negative energy that causes cold
sweat and a longing for oblivion.
So forget yourself.
Concentrate on your role.
Remember: All communication is sharing ideas, an intellectual
act of love. You can’t give yourself totally to your audience
when your concentration is on yourself.
Many of us are reluctant to play a role. We don’t want to be
considered actors. If we do, our audience will think we’re phonies.
At the same time, we fear that our real selves will automatically
be rejected. Both visions are false.
The underlying reason for every successful public performance
is the communicator’s ability, at least partially, to forget about
himself and his imagined shortcomings and concentrate on the
event, his role in it, and the audience he’s delivering to. It’s the
trademark of all successful communication. Remember that and
you’ll succeed. Worry about a hair being out of place, and you’ll
fulfill your fear of failure.
What does the group expect?
Leadership is the first quality. From chairpersons, discussion
leaders, speakers, and instructors, the group wants leadership.
During your time as chairperson or speaker, you’re presiding.
You’re the one in charge. You have the right to control what happens
and the obligation to see that it’s effective. Sins against good
leadership include:
• Lack of control.
• Lack of preparation.
• Rambling or boring presentations.
• Indecisiveness.
162 How to Sell Yourself
• Vagueness.
• Disorganization.
• Unclear objectives.
• Lack of sensitivity to the needs and wants of the group.
• Running over time.
Implicit in the list is the harsh fact that the person up front
must know what he or she is doing and do it well. So make your
presentation with warmth, authority, and assurance.
Do it efficiently and effectively.
Do it on behalf of the audience and be responsive to its needs
and interests.
This isn’t said to intimidate or frighten the newcomer, but to
emphasize the need for competence in the speaking skills talked
about throughout this book.
Cockiness is no less doomed to failure than a publicly displayed
inferiority complex. You have a responsibility to your audience
to know how to do your job well and to be responsive to
the people present.
If I had to select the two items that destroy most meetings, I’d
choose dull presiders and lack of sensitivity to the needs and wants
of the group.
Content—real meat, not watery gruel—is the substance of your
presentation. The virtues of a good presentation include:
• Solid information.
• Reliable data.
• Logical organization.
• Plain language.
• Sharply etched conclusions and recommendations.
• Examples relevant to the group’s experience.
• Clear direction and purpose.
• An opportunity for the group to question and discuss
what’s been said.
• A chance for the group to get something of value for
itself.
Skill and style—the way you present yourself and your ideas—
is no less important than what you have to say. The way you speak,
Selling Yourself in Meetings 163
move, act and react, and the way you relate to the group can all
either spell success or failure for the meeting.
In a more formal situation, there’s usually a certain distance
between you and your audience.
In a meeting, that distance is considerably diminished and,
from the moment you walk into the room until the moment you
walk out, you’re on.
The meeting as communication
Basically, there are five types of meetings, most of which have
overlapping functions and purposes:
• Information meetings. These are intended to deliver or
exchange information. The boss has announcements to
make. A federal agency wants to tell interested parties
about upcoming regulations. The CEO expects the department
heads to brief each other on the recent progress and
plans for the next calendar period. A manager wants to
exchange thoughts with other managers.
• Decision-making meetings. These are meetings in which a
group negotiates or builds a consensus in order to arrive
at a decision.
• Instruction meetings. These include training and educational
programs of all kinds, meetings to issue directives
and assignments, and events intended to result in change
or action on the part of the participants.
• Motivation meetings. People’s hearts and minds have to
be won. They must be moved to respond. Buy this soap.
Stop smoking. Improve your sales by learning these new
techniques. Use these manuals and do better. Give us your
support. Join our team. Whatever the subject area, these
are meetings to persuade, cajole, motivate, inspire, and
induce a desired action.
• Social meetings. If there is a meeting that’s purely social,
it’s often held to reward certain team members for exceptional
performance. But more often than not, the annual
meeting or team meeting is held with the social aspect as
just one of its purposes. The Internal Revenue Service has
seen to that by requiring an organization to have some
164 How to Sell Yourself
official business purpose for any portion of the meeting
that it claims as tax-deductible.
You make the difference
Almost every meeting you attend combines one or several of
the five purposes. But whatever its purpose, the success or failure
of the meeting depends upon the success or failure of the communication
between the members of the group. Conceive of meetings
as communication and you’ll begin to think of them in a new and
productive light. Whatever other role you are asked to play, you
have to function as a communicator. No other concept of yourself—
executive, taxpayer, expert, supervisor, professional—is half
as pertinent and essential as the fact that you are a communicator.
Statistics show that most professionals spend more than 50
percent of their work time in meetings. Some sources cite a figure
more like 65 percent. And among professionals, it is almost unanimous
that most meetings they attend have been a waste of time.
Why? Because their leaders or speakers failed to communicate.
What a colossal waste of everybody’s time!
People who go to meetings offer us their time and attention.
They often pay for the privilege of attending.
They almost always leave important work behind.
They deserve genuine efforts at professionalism in platform
behavior.
No one has the right to be dull for any reason—not because of
greater importance or a busy schedule, not because of expertise
superior to the audience’s, and not even because of shyness or
lack of skill.
As Jack Mannion, former executive director of the American
Water Works Association, said, “If speakers are not willing to make
the effort necessary to achieve at least a modicum of good technique
and authentic communication, they have no right on the platform.”
If you’re the leader, lead
Whether you are the leader or a speaker, to give the attendees
what they deserve requires the techniques as described earlier in
this book: style, skill, preparation, and confidence.
Selling Yourself in Meetings 165
As a leader, you have additional responsibilities.
A meeting can’t just happen by itself simply because a group
of people has assembled at your invitation or command.
You have to plan everything from “good morning,” down to
“this meeting is adjourned.”
You have to make sure the technical details work.
You have to have and stick to an agenda.
To put it into English, you have to know what you want to get
done and then do it.
You have to start on time and keep the meeting moving so
that you can end it on schedule.
You’ve got to know the ideas you want to communicate and
the best way to deliver them.
In addition to all that, a number of other factors, and how well
you’ve thought them through, will determine the success or failure
of the meeting.
The site
Comfort and convenience should determine your choice of
site. And remember: As soon as you move out of your office, your
boardroom, or another facility in your headquarters, you’re on
foreign soil. That’s true even if you’re in a hotel where you’ve had
lots of previous meetings, a friend’s office where you’ve been dozens
of times, or a local school auditorium or classroom where
you’ve held meetings before. Something about the off-premises
site or the personnel working there is different.
Leave nothing to chance
You need to plan for the inevitable surprises. If you need a
lectern, a microphone, a flip chart, a projector, anything, make
sure it’s there, it works, and that you and your technician have
rehearsed with it. That may seem so basic that it hardly deserves
mention, but we’ve all been to meetings where “no problem” became
famous last words.
When I conduct one of my training sessions, I’m in the room
where my program is scheduled, with my video operator, at least
an hour before starting time.
166 How to Sell Yourself
As soon as I’m booked, the client gets my equipment requirements
along with the contract for my services. The meeting planner
and my assistant talk whenever there are questions. When
necessary, we’re in touch with the site staff in advance.
Microphones, recorders, video playbacks? The more complicated
the equipment you plan to use, the more there is that can go
wrong.
The message is simply this: No amount of checking is too much.
Take absolutely nothing for granted. But don’t panic when
something does go wrong.
If the attendees aren’t aware of a problem, there isn’t any.
There may be some grief and anxiety for you and the technical
staff, but as long as the audience isn’t aware of it, the program has
a better chance for success.
The occasion
The occasion obviously influences your choice of site and the
way you conduct a meeting. For a small informal meeting or lunch,
choose the appropriate setting and encourage everyone to participate.
The success of a large meeting mainly depends on the total
control of the chairperson, without the audience being aware of
its lack of participation. Whatever the occasion, your audience
will have expectations that you must meet.
The purpose
The reason for your meeting determines how and where it
takes place. Make sure all three factors work together. An auditorium
may be appropriate for information and instruction meetings
but not for decision-making and social meetings. You can’t
expect to build a meaningful consensus toward making an important
decision at a cocktail party, nor can you expect colleagues
and coworkers to get to know each other better if you don’t give
them the time and the freedom to do so.
The number and types of attendees
The more of them, the harder your job and, obviously, the
more attention you need to pay to details. A few notes might help.
Discourage the use of slides, charts, graphs, overhead projections,
Selling Yourself in Meetings 167
and other visual aids, especially in large meeting rooms. The people
who sit in the back have a hard enough time seeing the speaker,
let alone a lot of mechanical devices. And when you light a room
for slides, the speaker is very often left in the dark. I believe a
speaker is his own best visual aid. A really dynamite presenter
doesn’t need so-called help.
My rule is this:
Unless the visual tells your story better than you can,
scrap it. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but
when it doesn’t do a thing for the audience’s understanding,
a visual aid becomes a cop-out and a distraction.
Make introductions count
Watch out, too, for the “introduction trap.” We feel that every
speaker needs to have his whole life story told to the audience.
Wrong!
The shorter the better, providing two qualifications are met:
1. The audience should be eager to hear this person based
on your introduction.
2. The speaker should be made proud to have been invited.
I’ve had the misfortune of having the presiding officer read
my bio in detail. Yet, after the program, people still asked, “What
did you do before you became a speech consultant?” It was all
said, but nobody heard. Then there was the time when an introducer
said, “Last March I saw our speaker do a training session
and said, ‘We’ve got to bring him to our meeting.’ I got the best
information I’ve ever received at a convention program, and I’m
certain you’ll say the same. So please welcome our speaker, Arch
Lustberg.” He made the audience want to hear me. He made me
feel proud to be there. It took about 10 seconds. It couldn’t have
been better.
Continuity
Even the most carefully planned meeting can still wander off
course without the proper leadership during the meeting. Here
are some tips to keep your meetings on course:
168 How to Sell Yourself
• Start on time. Don’t punish promptness.
• Have a wonderful welcome ready. If you haven’t been able
to greet everyone personally at the door because of the
sheer numbers, be sure to prepare a warm, friendly, sincere
welcome.
• State the objective of the meeting. Even if the group has a
detailed published agenda, briefly cover the highlights.
• Get everyone involved. Encourage participation. Even in
large meetings this can be done by requesting the attendees
to fill out questionnaires.
• Ask leading questions. Call on silent types, but don’t embarrass
them. Sidestep the domineering talkers.
• Tie agenda items together. Provide links from one point
to another. Offer periodic summaries.
• Venture tentative conclusions or agreements. Submit them
as your understanding of what’s been said so far for the
group’s approval.
• Watch for nonverbal signals. If you sense disapproval,
strong agreement, boredom, skepticism, or objections, call
for comment.
• Be nonjudgmental. You are the moderator, the traffic cop.
Lead the group toward your desired objective, but don’t
try to dictate the outcome.
• Keep on time. Keep the subject matter on track. Without
appearing rude, cut through digressions and irrelevancies.
• Communicate your genuine respect for every member of
the group and what they have to say. Having established
this connection, they’ll tolerate and support your efforts
to control digressions and other roadblocks and work with
rather than against you to achieve the desired objective.
• End on time. Even better, end early.
Some additional tips:
• Force yourself to listen.
• Concentrate.
• Pay attention.
• Don’t anticipate what’s coming next.
Selling Yourself in Meetings 169
• Above all, don’t finish other people’s sentences—no
matter how slowly or deliberately they speak.
• Ask questions.
• Be sure you understand what’s just been said, and make
sure the group understands what you’re saying.
If you’re open and honest and put into practice all the other
rules and techniques of good communication, you’ll encourage
everyone else in the group to do the same. As the leader of a
meeting, or as a participant when it’s your turn to speak, remember
that you’re the spark plug that keeps the engine running and
the meeting on course toward its desired destination.
A friend gave me a wonderful thought to share with you: “Maybe
there’s no spark in the organization if there’s no spark in the meeting.”
12 step guide to make your next meeting a success
Step 1: If there’s no important
information to exchange, don’t hold a meeting.
If this is the only rule we follow, we’ll be ahead of the game.
But we can (and should) do a lot more to turn meetings from
wastes of time into productive time.
Step 2: Help attendees be prepared.
You’ll improve the quality of your meeting, and reduce the
odds of needing a follow-up session, by encouraging everyone to
come prepared. They should know the subject of the meeting and
exactly what’s expected of them.
Will this be a one-sided transfer of information or an exchange
of information? Will attendees be expected to just listen and absorb,
or will they be asked to contribute knowledge and ideas? They
should know up front. The best communicators are even better
when they’ve had a chance to prepare a clear, concise presentation.
Step 3: Check the meeting site early.
You or another problem-solver should arrive early to check
the physical set-up. You’ll want a checklist of items that must be
170 How to Sell Yourself
present and in working order and the names and phone numbers
of those responsible for getting them there.
Step 4: Start your meetings on time.
Don’t punish punctuality. Those who’ve dropped or postponed
other business for your meeting shouldn’t have to cool their heels
waiting for stragglers. If they do, they’ll soon get the message.
They’ll begin arriving later, and later, and later.... If you dare to
start your meetings on time, even when some attendees haven’t
arrived, late-comers will become the rare exception, not the rule.
Step 5: Set the right tone.
Arrive early for your own meeting to greet attendees individually
as they arrive, unless your group is too large for this. Then,
open with warm, welcoming comments restating the meeting goals
and use that opportunity to thank everyone for being there.
Step 6: Use an agenda.
Not an overly structured one, just a rough guide to keep the
group moving from one major point to the next. You can distribute
the agenda beforehand—it might help participants prepare—
or provide copies at the meeting.
Keep the group moving. Try to develop transition comments
or links to move the discussion from point A to point B, and on
down the line.
Don’t let irrelevancies get a foothold. Politely remind anyone
who begins to digress to return to the agenda.
Step 7: Encourage participation.
The brightest members of a group are often reluctant to speak
out. Don’t shortchange yourself by ignoring them and hearing only
from the windbags. Try questioning the quiet types directly. “Can
you think of another approach to the problem, Chris?” It could
pay off handsomely.
Step 8: Remember: Our minds live in bodies.
It’s hard to concentrate when we’re uncomfortable. Break up
long meetings for restroom visits, leg-stretching, and refreshments.
TEAMFLY
Selling Yourself in Meetings 171
The meeting site should be comfortable, but not conducive to
sleep. The trick here is to avoid extremes. Keep the room cool but
not cold. Chairs should be comfortable but firm, lighting adequate
but not harsh.
Step 9: Watch for non-verbal signs.
If you’re running the meeting, don’t ignore looks of boredom,
physical discomfort, disagreement, or agreement. Take appropriate
steps by asking the droner to come to the point, announcing a
break, calling on the woman who’s shaking her head, or testing
the group for consensus.
Step 10: Beware of the signals you send.
If you’re whispering to your neighbor, looking out the window,
checking your watch, cleaning your nails, or leafing through
papers while someone is speaking, you’re making a statement, loud
and clear: “I don’t care what the speaker thinks!”
Step 11: Hone your presentation.
At your meeting or someone else’s, your presentation can determine
whether you merely survive or get the results you want.
Use solid, reliable information and organize it well. Use plain language.
Offer clear conclusions. Make positive recommendations.
Use your mind, face, body, and voice to speak with skill and style.
Step 12: End on time.
Better yet, stop early! Our days are scheduled from morning
to evening. One meeting that runs over can throw off your entire
day. It’s no way to create good will.
You’ll find it easier to end on time—or early—if you schedule
more time than you think you’ll need. If you wrap up early, the 10-
or 20-minute gift is one your colleagues will appreciate and put to
good use.
Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, things take much longer
than we anticipate. If you’re nearing the end of the allotted time,
and the issues haven’t been resolved, spend the remaining few
minutes arranging a follow-up session to continue the discussion.
Then dismiss the meeting.
172 How to Sell Yourself
Selling Yourself in Negotiations 173
13
Selling Yourself in Negotiations
C 173 c
THE DICTIONARY DEFINES the verb negotiate as: “to confer with another
in bargaining or trade. To hold conference and discussion
with a view to reaching agreement on contract.” Nowhere does it
say that negotiation must involve argument, tantrums, hostility,
animosity, or hatred. But unfortunately, that’s the meaning management-
labor disputes and acrimonious lawsuits have given the
word.
Yet, in truth, every time you buy a product, you’ve negotiated,
you’ve reached agreement on a contract. The dealer put a
price tag on his product and you decided to buy it or not. There
may be some room for further negotiations over price, terms, time
of delivery, and so forth, but in the end, you either buy the product
or you don’t. So ends every negotiation. A decision is made. If
it’s a good deal for both parties, the negotiation ends successfully.
If it isn’t a good deal, it doesn’t. That’s the perfect negotiation. It
begins, it ends, and everyone is satisfied that the right decision
has been made.
But there are very few opportunities for perfect negotiations
left. In most of our everyday transactions, the terms are set with
no room for negotiation. And when there is negotiating room, the
situation is often turned into a confrontation.
We’ve already seen that in such adversarial situations if only
one person wins, both lose. In contract talks, in family arguments,
in all imperfect negotiation situations, it’s vital to realize that if
both sides receive fair treatment, both sides come out winners. If
174 How to Sell Yourself
you take unfair advantage of the other side in order to win, ultimately,
you lose.
We all want to win
That’s become the nature of competition, and from an early
age we’ve learned all kinds of tricks and tactics, some good, some
bad, to get what we want.
Among the bad ones are:
• Constant argument, until the other side gives in.
• Aggravation.
• Tantrums.
• Cheating.
• Lying.
Some of the good ones are:
• Logic.
• Analysis.
• Reason.
• Common sense.
And remember that the only successful negotiation is the one
in which there are two winners. When there are two winners, each
comes out with self-esteem intact. No one needs to feel subservient,
beaten, put upon, a loser.
Beware of stress
It’s almost inevitable that in imperfect negotiations we develop
a lot of stress. Stress is a natural reaction to any out-of-theordinary
situation, but you mustn’t let it dominate you. If you let
it take over, it develops into anger, hostility, personal animosity,
or even irrational behavior. It controls the negotiation, blocks out
logic, reason, and common sense. The possibility of compromise
goes down the tube.
When the situation seems to be getting out of hand, when it
becomes impossible to like your adversary, when there seems to
be absolutely no merit to the other side’s point of view, when your
adversary seems subhuman to you, when you’re tempted to shout
Selling Yourself in Negotiations 175
and scream, when everything gets personal and seems insulting—
take a break for a while.
Call time-out.
You need a cooling off period.
If you really believe and agree that you’re never going to get
together, call off the negotiation.
If you do elect to try to keep things going after a break, remember
a few simple principles:
• You can’t throw a tantrum with your mouth shut.
• You can’t scream, yell, or holler when you’re smiling.
• You can’t fly off the handle with your brows elevated.
Golden rules of negotiating
• Listen.
• Talk about relevant issues that involve the present.
• Avoid past problems.
• Talk about the possible.
• Avoid the impossible or the unlikely.
• Start with those issues likely to lend themselves to early
solutions.
• Stick to the agenda items; avoid digressions and detours.
• If an impasse looks likely, table that issue and move on to
the next one.
• Watch and be alert and sensitive to timing. If you sense
the time is right for agenda item number four, skip right
to it.
• Be courteous; avoid put-downs, insults, insinuations, and
sarcasm. If you must use humor, make it self-deprecating.
Don’t make fun of the other guy; be sensitive to his wants
and needs.
• Think and talk alternatives.
• Think and talk creative solutions. Don’t get locked into “doing
it this way because that’s the way we’ve always done it.”
I have an interesting theory. When it seems impossible to resolve
a conflict, when screaming begins, when the other side is dead
wrong and you’re obviously right (and convinced that even your
adversary knows you’re right)—try apologizing. Your overwrought
176 How to Sell Yourself
adversary can’t. So don’t tell the other side it is wrong. It already
knows that.
A positive beginning
Usually, we start a negotiation with what each side “demands,”
wants, or expects. I suggest that each side first sift through the
other’s demands, then go immediately to what’s possible.
That seems revolutionary, but it can really cut out a lot of the
usual garbage.
Are there any areas of give and take that can serve as the real
starting point?
In other words, use the opening moments of a negotiation to
sort out the points on the table to find areas of potential agreement
rather than start with the areas of extreme disagreement.
Some helpful questions to ask:
• What do we want in common?
• What can we achieve that would put each of us in a
somewhat more advantageous position?
• What does each party contribute to the success of the
other?
• What can we compromise?
Questions to avoid:
• What can I con them out of?
• What can I do or say to get an edge?
• What can I do to intimidate them?
• What do they owe me?
• How am I superior and how can I flaunt that?
• Don’t they realize I can exist without them?
• Why isn’t the other side grateful for all I’ve done for them?
What are our options?
Openly examine the consequences if I give you everything
you’re asking for. Then turn it around and examine the consequences
if you give me everything I want.
A lot of problems can be avoided if we understand how extreme
the extremes really are. Then we can move into what solutions
might work for both sides if compromise is possible.
Selling Yourself in Negotiations 177
A basic principle
Some “posturing” may be necessary in your camp or in the
opponent’s camp in order to keep the “troops” happy, but each of
you should be prepared to acknowledge and accept it as part of
the negotiating process.
It’s remarkable that after a long, acrimonious strike, as the
settlement is announced, each side feels obliged to talk about how
good the contract is, how happy both sides are with the settlement,
and how much this means to everyone involved.
Why, oh why, couldn’t they have gotten there before the strike?
A personal situation
I vividly remember an adversarial contract negotiation I was
involved in many years ago—at least it seemed adversarial to me
because I didn’t understand that I was part of a “game” being
played by two opposing attorneys.
Each side wanted to reach an agreement.
Each side saw terrific possibilities arising from the proposed
relationship.
Lots of the details had been hammered out between the attorneys
on the telephone before this meeting ever took place. In fact,
the contracts were drafted, and supposedly all that remained was
for the signing to take place.
My attorney and I flew from New York to Chicago to “finalize”
the deal. Three hours after the meeting began, the lawyers
were shouting at each other. The final numbers were conflicting.
My attorney slammed shut his attaché case, angrily said, “Come
on, Arch We’re walking,” and stormed out.
I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I’d never been involved
in a contract negotiation like this before. So I followed like
a newborn calf. By the time we reached the receptionist’s desk,
my lawyer winked at me as the other attorneys called us back into
the conference room, and we finalized the deal within minutes. It
was the “obligatory scene.” It was the expected tantrum. It was
high drama.
I hope those days of contract negotiations are over, but I fear
not. That was the way those particular attorneys felt they were
178 How to Sell Yourself
getting an “edge” for their client. I felt all along that the same
result could have been reached several hours earlier if the negotiating
concept involved what was right for each side. But then again,
attorneys are paid by the hour.
Two things to remember:
1. Fair beats unfair.
2. Justice beats injustice.
My attorney admitted to me on the plane ride home that we
had achieved exactly what he thought we’d achieve, and he was
really proud of having achieved it. That was fine for me, but I
wondered how many other deals have been blown away by unnecessary
theatrics. I now consider those tactics barbaric.
The notion of courtesy, fairness, and justice should never take
second place to a victory that annihilates the “opposition.”
Negotiation as communication
In the ideal negotiation, both sides take turns expressing their
ideas and exchanging information. In other words, this is a speaking
situation.
Because it is also confrontational, it requires the utmost in
speaking skills.
To relax and overcome stress, breathe properly.
To get your points across with honesty and conviction, speak
with an open face and appropriate gestures.
Be prepared.
Be confident.
Be courteous.
Be yourself.
Search for ways to be allies rather than enemies.
The statesman seeks solutions.
The general seeks supremacy.
Be a statesman rather than a general.
The “Selling Yourself” Handbook 179
14
The “Selling
Yourself” Handbook
C 179 c
HERE IS A summary of the major communication skills and techniques
that you’ll find helpful for a quick review before any speaking
assignment. Let’s begin with the things I urge you to do.
Throw out anything I’ve suggested
that isn’t comfortable for you
It’s important to appear natural to your audience. If a technique
feels fake, it will probably look fake. But before you decide
to discard a suggestion, try it out. You may find new freedom, new
naturalness, and new skill. The open face and the gesture come to
mind immediately. You may think you’re looking stupid, foolish,
and “bug-eyed” when, really, you may be barely elevating those
brows. One client told me, “I must never gesture. People are constantly
telling me I look like a windmill.” I suggested that he continue
to use gestures but make a conscious effort to vary them. It
worked beautifully for him.
Talk, chat, converse, and communicate
Conversation is the root of all oral communication. The goal of
communication is to implant in my mind what’s in your mind. And
that is done best when you talk to me. The burden of the effort is on
the communicator. Don’t ever forget that. Moving your mouth and
saying words in a common language won’t be enough.
180 How to Sell Yourself
Work at getting your ideas across
Again, this is the difference between the “good morning” of
small talk and the “good morning” that sounds like you really
mean it. It takes an extra effort. Make that effort.
Be yourself
The real you is far more desirable for an audience than the
one you think you’re supposed to be. Carefully watch the young
man who’s making a presentation to an audience of successful
businesspeople. He’s probably going to do exactly the wrong
things—try to impress them with his maturity and professionalism
rather than to express his ideas clearly, concisely, and simply.
You, speaking naturally and with good preparation, are the most
impressive person you can be.
Open your face
The open face is the strongest signal an audience can receive
that there’s warmth, affection, and love motivating the communicator.
No body language, no non-verbal communication technique
does what the open face does. It’s the skill that pays the quickest
dividends in audience acceptance.
Smile when appropriate and genuine
Just as you can’t pout or throw a tantrum with your brows
elevated, you can’t look angry, hateful, or oppressive when there’s
a real, honest-to-goodness smile on your face. It’s another wonderful
signal of genuine affection, and we can’t ever get too much
of that.
Gesture when it’s comfortable and appropriate
Nothing reaches across the distance between you and your
audience the way a gesture does. Nothing serves as well as a hug
without touching. The gesture is the speaker’s picture-painting
device. It illustrates and emphasizes what you’re saying. It demonstrates,
so your gestures should be reserved for the highly de-
TEAMFLY
The “Selling Yourself” Handbook 181
scriptive words and the strong action words. The open face and
the gesture are the two techniques that make the most profound
difference in a speaker’s acceptance and enjoyment by an audience.
Be open, giving, warm, friendly, and loving
All the other suggestions are wrapped up into this one. When
you love your audience, the audience loves you back. That’s when
communication is at its purest and most perfect. The audience
concentrates exclusively on the message it’s getting. Again, remember
the baby. It doesn’t understand your words, but your love sends
the signals that are perfect and the message is complete.
Speak in a quiet, conversational voice
This really takes work and concentration until it becomes a
habit. A loud voice is a turn-off. It’s only successful with young
people and their music. Otherwise, loud is offensive. Soft is soothing,
comforting, and satisfying.
Pause
Trust your audience. They’ll wait for you if your pause is effective.
It will even heighten their understanding of your message.
Don’t move your mouth until your mind is in high gear. The pause
gives you a chance to think clearly so that what you say will be the
best message you can deliver at that moment.
Think silently
Nothing is more frustrating...uh...than the...uh...person
who...uh...never gets to the...uh...end.
Stay calm and reasonable
Nothing is more embarrassing than being in the presence of
two people who are screaming at each other. Neither wins your
support or your sympathy. The one who appears to be reasonable,
sensible, trying to be reassuring usually wins. Let it be you.
182 How to Sell Yourself
Be positive
Just about everyone prefers a “can do” person to a “no can
do” one. Also, you can stay out of a lot of trouble by giving information
rather than issuing denials, being negative and defensive.
Talk with pride
What a difference pride makes in your attitude and your delivery!
Think of the attitude that follows the statements “I’m proud
to be able to tell you,” or “Our record speaks for itself. It’s the
best in our field,” as opposed to “We never do that,” or “You
don’t have your facts straight.”
Be ready for the worst possible scenario
Be prepared for confrontation. And when someone fires at
you, don’t immediately fire back. You’ll miss unless you pause,
look directly at your adversary, think carefully about your reply,
and then give a positive answer rather than a defensive reply or a
denial. With the possible exception of, “When did you stop beating
your wife?” almost any question or accusation can be turned
in your favor.
Be honest
Yes, there are some people who can lie effectively, but you
and I aren’t among them. Yes, the truth can be a cause for trouble,
but if you tell the truth, you never have to remember what you
said. You can never get in as much trouble as the trouble that can
be caused by lying. If you can’t tell the truth, keep your mouth
shut even if people suspect you may be hiding something. The fact
is that people love to be told the truth, even if the teller knows
he’s doing some damage to himself.
Admit, “I don’t know.”
It’s a key provision of honesty. No one expects you to know
everything, but each of us feels “I should know the answer to
The “Selling Yourself” Handbook 183
that,” and so we blurt out an answer. Any answer is likely to be
either wrong or a lie when you really don’t know.
Admit, “I don’t understand your question”
This is another key to honesty that’s harder to accomplish
than it sounds. People think they’ll appear dumb if they admit to
not understanding a question. You’ll look even dumber if you give
a wrong or inept answer.
Remember your audience at all times
A speaker is not a speaker without an audience. And if an
audience likes what they see and hear, understands you, agrees
with you, trusts and believes you, you can be a winner.
Keep eye contact
You’re here for your audience. Talk to them. Involve them.
When you look at objects instead of people, people grow uninterested
if not downright bored. When you look up, you look as
if you’re asking God for a cue card. When you look down, it
appears that you’re looking for help from your shoes. Side-toside
movement looks shifty-eyed. Random eye movement suggests
fear and uncertainty. Strong eye contact suggests confidence
and control.
Concentrate on what you know
You have good information. What you need is time to think
about just what that information is and how you can get it across
with the greatest impact.
You’re the expert
That’s the reason you’re speaking. You have no cause to feel
self-conscious unless you’re asked to speak on a subject about
which you have very little, insufficient, or no information. In that
case, decline, admitting that this is not your area of expertise.
184 How to Sell Yourself
Have confidence in your preparation,
your style, and your speaking skills
Fear is your worst enemy. Practicing and using all the speaking
skills we have talked about will help you convert crippling fear
into energy-producing confidence.
Organize your material
Give your audience the benefit of forethought—prepare. They
deserve it. Decide what method of preparation works best for
you: outline, notes, or manuscript. Take the time to do it right.
Practice aloud
Use recorders, friends, colleagues, a mirror, or a videorecorder
if it’s available. It will help you monitor yourself to make sure
you’re using the techniques you’ve learned here and to give a dynamite
presentation.
Use your text properly
Prepare the words on the paper, using large type and wide
margins. Get rid of paper clips and staples. Put your pages in the
right order before you get to your feet.
Use simple language
Don’t obfuscate. Don’t prevaricate. Don’t even prioritize in
front of a group.
Use short sentences
Ideas with few words are memorable. They’re clear and understandable.
Nobody likes a windbag.
Be concise
If you can say it in five words, obviously you shouldn’t use 50.
Some sentences that can’t be improved on are “I love you,” “They
The “Selling Yourself” Handbook 185
won,” “It’s a boy,” “You’re hired,” “Good job,” and “I’ll take it.”
And as an added bonus, remember this when you’re writing letters,
proposals, and memos. It works.
Be clear
Figure out how to say what you mean and mean what you say,
then do it. Make your sentences the most simple, direct, easy-tounderstand
statements you can. Far too often people say to other
people, “That’s not what you said.” Often it was what was said,
but it wasn’t said the best possible way for understanding.
Edit yourself
When you think you’re finished preparing, cut, then cut some
more. Leave your audience wishing you’d said more rather than
wondering why you didn’t end half an hour earlier. Don’t be the
big snooze. Don’t try to tell them everything you know. They don’t
want to hear it.
Express yourself
Deliver the material in the most dynamic way you can. Stop
trying to impress an audience with your body of knowledge. Impress
them with how beautifully you deliver your ideas.
Practice the rhythm of eye contact
Your mouth should never be moving while your eyes are looking
at the page, the floor, or the back wall. As the words flow out,
your eyes should be on your audience. Even speakers who know
and understand this important principle find that bad habits, fear
of losing their place, and fear of the pause cause them to look
down toward the paper as they approach the last words of a sentence
and to say the first word or two of the next sentence while
their eyes are still down. It takes a lot of practice to master this
technique because we’ve been doing it wrong for all the years we’ve
been speaking.
186 How to Sell Yourself
Communicate ideas
One of the hardest traps to overcome is to stop reading words
when there’s a text in front of you. From now on, stop trying to
get exact words from the page. Deliver ideas. Your audience wants
to hear what’s on your mind, not what’s on a piece of paper.
Be attentive to your audience’s signals
Just as everything you say and do sends signals to your audience,
they’re sending you signals all the time. If you see that you’re
losing them, don’t panic. That only makes the situation worse for
everyone. Stay calm. If you’re far along, it’s probably best to wrap
it up. If you’re at the early part, pull back, concentrate harder on
the open face and the gesture, and put more effort into the concept
of making intellectual love to your audience. Don’t speed up;
that’s deadly. It tells your audience you want to get it over with.
Be more deliberate and offer them more of you. Remember that
no one has the right to be dull. When it’s all over and you’ve had
a chance to recover, try to analyze why you lost their attention so
it doesn’t happen the next time you have to speak.
Practice diaphragmatic breathing
It’s both a speaking tool and a longevity tool. It helps you
convert stress into energy. The diaphragm moves out slightly on
the inhalation and back in on the exhalation. Remember it. Practice
it. It may help keep a heart attack or a stroke from claiming
you too soon. It will certainly help you become a more relaxed
and natural speaker.
Look and sound pleasant and interesting.
The audience has arrived predisposed to like you. Don’t turn
that around by giving them a reason to tune you out.
Send positive, loving signals.
When in doubt, remember again what you do when you speak
to a baby. The signals are always right. Use them on an adult
The “Selling Yourself” Handbook 187
audience. Until you’re willing to make a fool of yourself in front
of an audience, you will.
Be likable
The winner is the person we like. The official who gets elected
is the one we like. The likable speaker is the one we believe.
•••
And for every “do” in the previous list, there’s a corresponding
“don’t” in the following:
• Don’t use any of my advice if it doesn’t seem natural for
you.
• Don’t make a speech, preach, teach, orate, or
pontificate.
• Don’t imitate anyone else.
• Don’t frown or look dead.
• Don’t hide or tie up your hands.
• Don’t shout or try to reach the back wall.
• Don’t run on at the mouth.
• Don’t use sounds to think by. Get rid of all audible
pauses.
• Don’t get angry or uptight.
• Don’t repeat or reinforce negatives.
• Don’t be defensive.
• Don’t wing it.
• Don’t lie or make it up as you go along.
• Don’t try to give an answer if you don’t understand the
question or if you don’t know the answer.
• Don’t repeat a nasty question or ask the questioner to
repeat the question.
• Don’t think about your adversary or yourself.
• Don’t think “down” or “up” or “away.”
• Don’t assume your audience knows your message.
• Don’t worry about being too simple.
• Don’t consider your material dull.
• Don’t wait until the last minute to prepare.
188 How to Sell Yourself
• Don’t try to intellectualize everything.
• Don’t spin your wheels or waste time.
• Don’t complicate your text.
• Don’t tell your audience everything you know.
• Don’t hide behind obscure, technical language.
• Don’t show off your brilliance.
• Don’t try to impress the audience.
• Don’t deliver your talk to your script, the lectern, or
your slides.
• Don’t read words to your audience.
• Don’t distract or be blatant in speech or dress.
• Don’t ignore the audience’s needs, expectations, or
wants.
•••
What your audience needs, expects, and wants is you, so be
yourself.
Appendix 189
Appendix
C 189 c
Lustberg on...
The open face.
1. You achieve the open face by raising your eyebrows,
creating horizontal lines in your forehead and holding
the position for a short time.
2. The open face is the most likable expression.
3. You look your most attractive when you open your face
and smile.
4. A smile is sometimes inappropriate, but an open face
always works.
5. An open face makes you look confident and selfassured.
6. It makes you look honest and believable.
7. When you’re having fun, you open your face naturally.
8. When you’re under stress, you have to remember to
open your face.
9. Draw a small open face on your text or notes as a
reminder.
10. It’s almost impossible not to open your face when you
talk to a baby.
11. An open face says, “I care.”
12. An open face says, “I want us to understand each
other.”
190 How to Sell Yourself
13. An open face adds music to your voice.
14. We can hear the warmth of an open face on the radio,
on tape, and over the phone.
Lustberg on...
Mistakes in preparing and delivering presentations.
1. Trying to compose a great work of literature.
2. Overwhelming the audience with statistics, charts,
graphs, overheads, slides, and other unmemorable
information.
3. Letting someone else write your material and then not
working on it until the last minute.
4. Burying your nose in the text and reading a tedious
group of words to an audience that is either leaving or
falling asleep.
5. Forgetting that your appearance is an opportunity to
communicate, not an exercise in boredom.
6. Believing that quantity is an acceptable substitute for
quality.
7. Failing to personalize and individualize the message.
8. Not practicing the presentation aloud until it feels
natural and comfortable.
9. Trying to impress the audience with your knowledge,
professionalism, or authority in order to prove your
competence.
10. Talking around the subject, overstating or disguising the
truth for effect.
11. Knocking other people and other views rather than
thoroughly showing the merits of your message.
12. Failing to acknowledge problems or the perception of
problems in the minds of listeners.
13. Taking the audience and its interest in you and your
subject for granted.
14. Winging it.
15. Allowing yourself to be dull by convincing yourself that
the material is dull.
16. Trying to tell the audience everything you know.
TEAMFLY
Appendix 191
17. Presenting with a closed or neutral face.
18. Tying up your hands, making gesture impossible.
19. Not knowing how or when to stop.
20. Failing to create a vivid opening and a blockbuster
closing.
Lustberg on...
Solid communication.
Conversation is the root of all oral communication. The goal
of communication is to implant in my mind what’s in your mind.
And that is done best when you talk to me. The burden of the
effort is on the communicator. Don’t ever forget that. Moving
your mouth and saying words in a common language won’t be
enough. The one who appears to be reasonable, sensible, and who
tries to be reassuring, usually wins. Let it be you.
This book is designed to help you become an effective communicator—
a winner.
Remember that your goal is to be liked. You want to win over
the people in your audience. Think of 60 Minutes.
When the person being interviewed looks shady, evasive, unlikable,
you root for the interviewer. You want them to burst that
awful person’s balloon. When the person they’re interviewing looks
pleasant, likable, and in control, you tend to wonder why they’re
so rotten to that nice person.
Use my techniques to make yourself that likable person everyone
is rooting for. And remember: Practice makes perfect.
Practice with your colleagues, your family, your neighbors,
and your coworkers. See how warmly people react to the smile,
the open face, the gesture, and the eye contact. Put your new
skills to work the next time you meet a stranger. Open your face,
smile, and say, “Good morning!” You’ll probably make that
stranger’s day. You’ll probably get such a pleasant response, you’ll
make your own day, too.
When you’re called upon to speak, make it a point to be the
same human being you are when you talk to your neighbors and
friends. Don’t be surprised when you’re met with equal warmth
and enthusiasm!
192 How to Sell Yourself
Lustberg on...
Points to remember.
Your mind:
• Know in advance exactly what you can—and cannot—
say about the organization you represent.
• Develop a positive attitude and frame of mind. Maintain
it no matter what.
• Eliminate negative buzzwords.
• Make positive statements. Tell people what you do, not
what you don’t do.
• Pause. Don’t talk until your mind is working.
• Maintain a sense of rapport with the person you’re
talking to.
• Make your point in terms that are meaningful and
memorable.
• Relax. Breathe correctly.
• Keep it short and simple.
Your face:
• Don’t frown or put on a neutral mask in an effort to
look professional. Instead, raise your brows to project a
warm, welcoming person.
• Smile at every appropriate opportunity.
Your body:
• Stand comfortably but erect.
• If you’re seated, keep your back straight and lean
slightly forward.
• Force yourself to use gestures—but only when they look
natural.
Your voice:
• Make your tone warm by opening up your face and using
gestures.
• Use pitch and rate conversationally.
• Use only enough volume to be heard.
Appendix 193
Lustberg on...
A checklist before testifying.
Remember your mission:
• Have you learned everything you can about your
audience?
• Have you prepared two texts—one detailed, one
abbreviated?
• Have you put into your own words any material from
other experts?
Remember what’s expected of you:
• Make your points concisely and coherently.
• Be positive.
• Pay attention to protocol.
Remember persuasion:
• Your audience is divided into three groups: for you,
against you, and undecided (talk to them).
• Do you know the issue?
• Do you know the other side’s position, arguments?
• Have you rehearsed your presentation?
Is your testimony:
• Simple?
• Well-organized?
• Well-constructed?
• Persuasive?
• Colorful?
• Brief?
• Well-documented?
• Logical?
• Positive?
• Quotable?
Remember basic testimony information:
• Your name, title, and affiliation.
• Your background (to establish credibility).
194 How to Sell Yourself
• Who you’re representing.
• Legislation or issue.
• Areas of consideration.
• Your position or argument.
• What you’d like to see accomplished.
Lustberg on...
A winning media interview.
Prepare.
Get together with your team and throw the toughest curves
you can at one another. Practice, practice, practice.
Pause.
Stop and think before you speak. A second or two might feel
awkward to you, but your audience welcomes a moment to think
about what’s just been said.
Remain silent.
Keep quiet in the...uh,...y’know...the...uh, uh...pause...know
what I mean?
Inform.
Your job in an interview is to give information.
Don’t speak off the record.
If you don’t want it in print, hear it on the radio, or watch it
repeated on television, don’t say it.
Be honest.
If there’s a problem, acknowledge it. Admit it if you don’t
know the answer.
Be the voice of reason.
Getting angry, losing your cool, or taking an attack personally
plays right into the tabloid reporter’s hands. It makes good copy—
for everyone but you.
Be positive.
Instead of using “didn’t,” “don’t,” or “won’t,” tell us what you
did, do, or will do.
Appendix 195
Beware of the buzzword trap.
Don’t blurt out a denial. Tell a story that relevantly contradicts
the error.
Be simple.
Get rid of jargon and deliver conversation, not literature. Remember
Churchill: “Short words are the best and short words
when old are best of all.”
Be proud.
If you’ve done something good, tell us.
Maintain eye contact.
When your eyes are all over the place, it’s hard to like you or
trust you. Look at your interviewer as you speak.
Open your face—raise those eyebrows—show your eyes.
It’s an expression that says, “I care.”
Smile when it’s appropriate and genuine.
It says, “I like you.”
Gesture.
It’s the communicator’s equivalent of a hug. It shows you really
want your audience to share your message.
Be memorable.
Use stories, anecdotes, examples, similes, and metaphors. Paint
word pictures.
Personalize.
Involve your audience.
Lustberg on...
Speaker tips.
Be yourself.
• Speak in a quiet, conversational voice.
• Talk, chat, converse, and communicate.
196 How to Sell Yourself
• Work at getting your ideas across.
• Smile when appropriate and genuine.
• Gesture when it’s comfortable and appropriate.
• Be open, giving, warm, friendly, and loving.
• Express yourself. Forget about impressing your listener.
Prepare.
• Organize your material.
• Be concise.
• Use simple language. Use short sentences.
• Look and sound pleasant.
• Send positive, loving signals.
• Be attentive to your audience’s signals.
Have confidence.
• In your preparation, your style, your speaking skill.
• Be positive. Talk with pride. Be honest.
• Be ready for the worst possible scenario.
• Admit “I don’t know,” or “I don’t understand your
question.”
• Concentrate on what you do know.
• You’re the expert.
Remember.
• Open your face.
• Pause. Think silently. Stay calm and reasonable.
• Your audience wants you to succeed.
• Be likable.
H. Lustberg on...
Choosing the right word.
Use the active voice.
• Change: “It was decided by Congress....”
To: “Congress decided....”
• Change: “It is incumbent upon our industry to ensure....”
To: “We have to....”
Appendix 197
• Change: “The language capabilities and challenges facing
every child, including those who are learning English as a
second language, must be carefully considered as we plan
experiences and instruction.”
To: “As we plan, we must carefully consider the language
capabilities and challenges of every child.”
Use simple, everyday language.
• Change: “...obviously, however, it is not enough simply to
set forth a shared vision.”
To: “...but a shared vision isn’t enough.”
• Change: “...develop data to demonstrate the correlation
between laboratory test results and field performance.”
To: “...test lab results in the real world.”
• Change: “...accordingly, students need to read and study
literary texts in a variety of genres, including poetry, short
stories, novels, plays, essays, and biographies.”
To: “...so students should read and study all kinds of literature.”
• Change: “...throughout the past decade.”
To: “...for 10 years.”
Use as few words as possible.
• Change: “Individuals who are competent at communicating
with others are sensitive to the needs of different audiences.”
To: “Good communicators know different audiences have
different needs.”
• Change: “visual diagrams.”
To: “diagrams.”
• Change: “the positive as well as the negative.”
To: “the good and the bad.”
Use contractions.
• Change: “We will not....”
To: “We won’t....”
• Change: “That, quite frankly, is tragic.”
To: “That’s tragic.”
198 How to Sell Yourself
Be positive.
• Change: “We are not just standing by and watching.”
To: “We’re joining in.”
• Change: “It is not difficult to comprehend.”
To: “It’s easy to understand.”
• Change: “Knowing how to learn has not often been highlighted
explicitly as part of instructional content in the
English language arts.”
To: “Teaching how to learn is rarely seen as part of teaching
English.”
Be specific.
• Change: “Educator.”
To: “Teacher or professor or coach or trainer.”
• Change: “Facility.”
To: “School or hospital or factory or prison.”
• Change: “Legislative initiative.”
To: “Law or regulation.”
Break up long, complex sentences.
• Change: “Literary works are valuable not just as informative
or communicative vehicles, but as artistic creations
and representations of human culture at particular times
and in particular places.”
To: “Literature is valuable, not just as information but as
art. It represents the human culture of a certain place and
time.”
•••
No one can follow all these rules all the time, but the closer
you get, the better you’ll be at getting your message across.
A final word
Nothing summarizes my training and the contents of this book
better than an ancient proverb:
Tell me and I’ll forget.
Show me and I may remember.
Involve me and I’ll understand.
Index 199
Index
C 199 c
A
accusations, 94-95
administrator, teacher as,
125-126
agenda, 119-120, 170
animation, lack of in
communication, 11
arrogance, 110-111
attitude, 110
audible pause, 26-29, 97-98,
119, 181
audience, 79
caring about your, 55
perception of the, 15
B
being yourself, 17-18
body, using your, 45-48
The Book of Lists, 15
breathing exercises, 61-62
breathing,
diaphragmatic, 57-58, 186
improper, 58-64
unlearning, 60
practicing correctly, 60-62
Bush, George (H.), 19-20
buzzword, the power of the,
100
C
caring, being, 102-103
clarity, 185
classroom, selling yourself in
the, 125-129
closed face, 40-41
clothing, 73-75
communicate, the need to,
131-133
communication tools, 25
communication,
face-to-face, 8-9
meeting as, 163-164
200 How to Sell Yourself
communication, cont.
negotiation as, 178
nonverbal, 171
selling as, 133-135
solid, 191
the definition of, 7, 11-12
the object of, 96
written, 12
communicator,
goal of a, 37
job of the, 12
teacher as, 126, 128-129
competence, 22, 25-26
selling your, 25-35
competition, tactics of, 174
concentration, 183
confidence,
gaining, 57-64
learning, 56-57
reaffirming, 140
selling with, 55-64
the key to, 57-58
confrontation, 94-95
selling yourself in, 93-123
Congressional testimony,
152-153
connection, making a, 105
content, 162
continuity during meetings,
167-169
conversation, 179
Cook, Lou, 32
courtroom trial, 150-52
D
decision-making meetings, 163
delivering material, 81-89
deposition, 149-150
desperation, 137-138
diaphragmatic breathing,
57, 186
Dietrich, Marlene, 29-30
direction, right vs. wrong,
20-21
Dress for Success, 74
E
election, 1996, 20-21
election, 2000, 18, 41
enthusiasm, teachers’, 127-128
expertise, identifying your
areas of, 141-143
eye contact, 29-31, 85-89,
98-99, 183, 185
F
face, 48
closed, 40-41
neutral, 41-42
non-smiling, 40-43
open, 42-44, 180, 189-190
using your, 38-45
fear, 15-16
fig leaf hand position, 46, 66
G
general interview, 143-144
gestures, 52, 180-181
goal of a communicator, 37
TEAMFLY
Index 201
H
hand positions, 45-47
hearing, local, 153-155
honesty, 101, 182
hypothetical question, 120-121
I
image, private vs. public, 18-20
information meetings, 163
information, giving valuable,
101-103
instruction meetings, 163
interview objectives, 141-143
interview traps, 117-123
interviews,
general, 143-144
job,
as mini-confrontation,
145
psychology of the, 138
selling yourself in the,
137-147
the dynamics of the,
138-140
kinds of, 143-144
media, 194-195
print, 112
specific job, 143-144
stand-up, 114-116
studio, advantages of, 113
television, 112-116
winning, 116-117
introductions during meetings,
167
J
jewelry, 75-76
job interview,
as mini-confrontation, 145
psychology of the, 138
selling yourself in the,
137-147
the dynamics of the, 138-140
K
knowledge, teachers’, 127-128
L
language, using simple, 83-84,
103-104, 184
leadership mask, 20
leadership, 161-162
lectern, using, 68-69
libel, 122
likability, 18, 21, 22, 25, 38-53,
187
likability, keys to, 38-53
loaded question, 117
local hearing, 153-155
logistics of a speaking
situation, 77-82
M
material,
delivering, 81-89
preparing, 81-89
202 How to Sell Yourself
material, cont.
teachers’, 126-127
ways to present, 32
McMahon, Ed, 134-135
media interviews, 194-195
selling yourself in, 93-123
meeting as communication,
163-164
meeting site, 165-167
meeting,
12 steps to a successful,
169-171
continuity during, 167-169
introductions during, 167
making a success, 158-163
natural barriers to
successful, 157
selling yourself in, 157-171
types of, 163-164
message, creating a
memorable, 105
“me” syndrome, 93-94
mini-confrontation, job
interview as, 145
motivation meetings, 163
The Music Man, 132
N
negotiate, definition of, 173
negotiation,
as communication, 178
beginning, 176-178
rules of, 175-176
selling yourself in, 173-178
nervousness, 56
neutral face, 41-42
1996 election, 20-21
O
open face, 42-44, 189-190
P
panel, serving on a, 91-92
participation, encouraging, 170
pause, audible, 26-29, 97-98,
119, 181
perception, 15
the power of, 21
persistence, 119
physical set-up, 80-81
pitch, 50
Pitts, Milton, 19-20
positive, being, 101
practice, 31, 44-45, 106-107,
171, 184
preparation, 31-35
preparing material, 81-89
presentations, mistakes in
preparing and delivering,
190-191
presidential mask, 20
pride, 110-111, 182
print interviews, 112
product, selling your, 131-135
punctuality, 85, 170
Q
question,
hypothetical, 120-121
loaded, 117
two-pronged, 118
Index 203
R
rapport, 117-118
rate, 50
reacting, how to, 69-72
relaxing, 17
response, the considered,
99-100
rhythm, 117-118
role models, avoiding bad,
30-31
S
self-appraisal, 110
selling as communication,
133-135
selling with confidence, 55-64
selling with the right signals,
65-76
selling your competence, 25-35
selling your product, 131-135
selling yourself, 15-23, 179-188
as a speaker, 77-92
in confrontation, 93-123
in media interviews, 93-123
in meetings, 157-171
in negotiations, 173-178
in the classroom, 125-129
in the job interview, 137-147
when testifying, 149-155
selling, 7
sentences, using short, 82-83,
184
set-up, physical, 80-81
signals, 171
sending good, 66-67
sending in conversation, 72
sending the right, 65-76
silence, prolonged, 119
sitting, 69-70
how to, 69-70
skill, 162-163
skills, identifying your, 141-143
slander, 122
smile, 39-40, 180
social meetings, 163-164
sound bites, 108
speaker tips, 195-196
speaker,
introducing a, 90-91
selling yourself as a, 77-92
speaking situations, 90-92
logistics of, 77-82
specific job interview, 143-144
speech, adapting your to the
time of day, 85
standing, 66-69
how to, 67-68
stand-up interview, 114-116
Stewart, James, 29-30
stories, telling, 105
story, the impact of a good,
109-110
stress, 55, 62-64, 174-175
studio interview, advantages
of, 113-114
style, 110, 162-163
204 How to Sell Yourself
T
teacher,
as administrator, 125-126
as communicator, 126,
128-129
roles of, 125-126
teachers’ enthusiasm, 127-128
teachers’ knowledge, 127-128
teachers’ material, 126-127
technology, 8-10
television interviews, 112-116
testifying,
a checklist before, 193-194
Congressional, 152-153
selling yourself when,
149-155
Three I’s, the, 132-133
tips, speaker, 195-196
tone, 170, 181
tools,
communication 25
vocal, 50-52
traps, interview, 117-123
trial, courtroom, 150-152
two-pronged question, 118
2000 election, 18, 41
V
variety, 134
vocal tools, 50-52
voice, using your, 48-53
volume, 50
W
Washington word game, the,
104
Weinberger, Casper, 27
Wildon, Meredith, 132
words,
delivering, 81-89
preparing, 81-89
Y
yourself, being, 17-18
Chapter Title Here 205
About the Author
C 205 c
CHARLES OSGOOD OF CBS saw Arch Lustberg at a presentation for
the Nevada Governor’s Conference on Tourism and wrote:
“Arch has taught the art of effective communications
to powerful leaders in government and industry. He’s one
of the best public speakers I’ve ever heard. He’s bright,
witty, engaging, and entertaining. Nobody does it better.”
His career has been unique and intriguing. He taught speech
and drama at the Catholic University of America in Washington,
D.C. for 10 years.
When he left academe, he coproduced the Tony Award-nominated
musical Don’t Bother Me, I Can’t Cope. He then co-produced
the off-Broadway Outer Critics Circle Award-winning revue
Tuscaloosa’s Calling Me, But I’m Not Going.
He produced and directed many record albums in the days of
the LP, most notably Grammy Award-winning Gallant Men by
the late Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen and The Voice of the
People, a dramatized history of the U. S. Capitol Building, which
starred Helen Hayes and E. G. Marshall.
Lustberg directed the United States Chamber of Commerce
Communicator workshops, training elected officials, business leaders,
association executives, and professionals in every field, prior
to opening his own business, Arch Lustberg Communications.
His client list is a who’s who of business.